Stealthy/Pious: Roleplaying and a Fragile Grip on Reality

Okay, ya bums

2009-06-27T12:04:00.002-04:00

I'm clearing out of this joint.

http://metawords.wordpress.com

In which I write about writing every day, and other things less often.

The End

2009-05-17T15:46:00.002-04:00

Well, I just graduated from college. Woo.

On that note, this will be the last post on this blog. It covers my four years of college, and for organizational reasons, I think that's it. And besides, you won't be able to get anymore of a "college student's bullshit" if I'm not a college student, right?

I'm starting a new blog eventually, but before I do, I'm going to want to think about the nature of the content involved, and maybe actually try to get readers. So, if you are one of the unfortunate souls who wandered onto this page, maybe you could leave a comment as to what I could write that you'd actually like to read.

It's been fun, but I guess there's a real world out there now.

College in Review

2009-05-12T00:20:00.002-04:00

Today (it's after midnight) is the last day of finals for Carnegie Mellon. I've been done since Friday, but since I've spent most of the intervening time being roughly as active as a bump on a log, now seemed like a decent time to write this entry. As far as any metric I know, college is over. I graduate on Sunday, and then continue my attempts to secure entry into the real world. In the past four years, I've learned a lot. Talking about boundary layers or moments of inertia here would fill up space, but even from an academic perspective that isn't what's important. I've changed the way I think, and that's exactly what CMU wants out of its engineers. I've also learned some important things about life:

Stop compromising.
There are only so many hours in a day, only so many days in a week. You're given things you have to get done, and there are things you want to get done. Once you know how to manage your time, you should know how long everything you want to do takes, and schedule accordingly. Some things, believe it or not, you can always make time for. Anyone who has given up on an exercise schedule, had a relationship suffer, or otherwise did poorly during a very busy time did so because they either weren't realistic with their time or they made compromises that compromised the things that were important to them. Example: I started running last semester, and nothing got in my way. I missed two runs this past semester, both during the busiest events of the semester, Carnival and Greek Sing. Other than that, it was 6 days a week, every week, wind, snow, sleet, or rain.

Girls are Crazy.
People say this, and it's true. To be fair, boys are crazy too, but having been one for the last 22 years, I know how to deal with it better. If I've learned anything during college, it's that as soon you think someone isn't crazy, you're in for trouble. For me, the "One that Got Away" was a girl who I knew was nuts the moment I met her. Damn I should have been a bit more impulsive.

Get Out While You Still Can.
I didn't learn this in time for my grades to reflect it, but at a certain point, you need to know when you can't catch up. I mean, if you don't succeed at first, try again later. I also screwed this up in relationships...though there it's harder to realize when you're dealing with codependence, social suicide, or other relationship issues, especially if you think the relationship is the only thing getting you laid.

Forgive.
Living in a fraternity, this one's key. People will do stupid shit. If you want people to get over the stupid shit you do, you need to get over the stupid shit they do. I found just this semester that my being able to forgive one of my brothers allowed to me to continue hanging out with a really cool guy instead of thinking he was a jackass and getting the same back.

You're Wrong, or, What's the Big Deal.
There's always one guy who will insist on being right. You can say something flippantly and he'll correct you. Well, he's an asshole. See above. But please, don't be that guy. We don't care, you're wrong anyway, and believe it or not, people may hold it against you more for being right than for being wrong every once in a while.

Do it.
If someone asks you to do something and you can't think of a good reason not to right then and there, do it. It'll either be helpful to them, or a good experience for you. It may, as it did in my case, get you on youtube.

Screw up.
Similar to 'You're Wrong', everyone makes mistakes. This isn't bad, it's how you learn. Don't be afraid of doing things because you might do them wrong. And remember, you only suck as much as you say you do, so don't shoot yourself in the foot with pessimism before you even try.

Graduation in 5 days. Watch this space for what happens next.

I am completely done with undergraduate coursework

2009-05-08T17:27:00.000-04:00

So what the hell do I do now?

Self-Medicating

2009-04-30T12:12:00.000-04:00

Painkiller - Freestylers feat. Pendulum and SirReal

see we work hard
play hard
man i gotta stay charged
can't sleep
tired out
trouble on my radar
running round live wire
had another red bull
everybody running baby
let me come and get a pull
isn't it incredibile
that i'm even still awake
still alive
still i take
poison that rebilitates
fuck a little line
we can go ahead and kill a case
living in a killer state
maybe thats a good excuse
see me taking shots at the bar
like i'm bullet proof
now my belly full of juice
i'm walking everyday
wiv a bruised lip
battered eye
beat up state liver..

i'm reaching in my cupboard for a painkiller uh uh uh
i need another painkiller
reachin in my cupboed for a painkiller uh uh uh
i need another painkiller
they call it painkiller
let it go
painkiller uh uh uh
i need another painkiller
reaching in my cupboard for a painkiller uh uh uh
i need another painkiller
they call it painkiller
let it go

now we live fast
die young
wish i'd never tried none
saturated chemical
but i dont wanna die mum
maybe you could try some
no point wasting it
first there was a little bit
but now i got my face in it
run around chasing it
everything is so hot
everybody screw faced
looking like so what
pressure and it won't stop
pushing up my heart rate
arguments and attitude
mate you don't wanna stop me
listen bruva cant wait
now i gotta close this
woke up shivvering
and swimming in my own piss
its just my own risk
a real brain splitter

i'm reaching in my cupboard for a painkiller uh uh uh
i need another painkiller
reachin in my cupboed for a painkiller uh uh uh
i need another painkiller
they call it painkiller
let it go
painkiller uh uh uh
i need another painkiller
reaching in my cupboard for a painkiller uh uh uh
i need another painkiller
they call it painkiller
let it go

Don't Stop - Innerpartysystem

2009-04-27T20:16:00.001-04:00

This is one of the best car videos I've seen.

Music is post title. Really cool stuff.

Adventures in used American Vehicles

2009-04-25T23:24:00.000-04:00

(11:21:26 PM) Dexter: mmm
(11:21:31 PM) Dexter: I smell like burnt car
(11:21:47 PM) Aaron: that's kind of what happens when your car catches on fire
(11:21:50 PM) Dexter: yeah
(11:21:58 PM) Dexter: I hear that this smell is hard to get out

'Nuff said.

Webcomics and their unnerving accuracy

2009-04-22T07:29:00.003-04:00

So this may be why I haven't gotten any writing done

Oh, Sinfest.

Carnival: Over

2009-04-20T21:07:00.002-04:00

And it was a very successful one. 2nd place booth, 2:21 buggy time, as well as Chairman's Choice. Awesome.

But now, things are winding down. I have final papers to work through, but they aren't unmanageable. I have a final, but that won't be too bad. All in all, I'm so close to being done.

I have some ideas for the summer. I may try my hand at some freelancing. I'm a good writer, and have a decent range of experience with technical work, as well as semi-creative copy. There's some site online where I can try my hand at this...make a few bucks of beer money, who knows. It'll help pass the time while I continue my job search.

The job search isn't going badly...I'd say I'm at about a 50-50 chance of having something before graduation, and maybe 75% chance of having something by summer's end if I maintain my search rate. I know recruiting season is ending, but I'm going to be persistent. I'm also expanding my options, and seeing if maybe I can join a rock band instead of getting a real job. Ha ha.

I like being close. It actually seems in reach now.

To Say Goodbye is to Die a Little

2009-04-12T19:31:00.002-04:00

The power of money becomes very difficult to control. Man has always been a venal animal. The growth of populations, the huge costs of wars, the incessant pressure of taxation- all these things make him more and more venal. The average man is tired and scared, and a tired, scared man can't afford ideals. He has to buy food for his family. In our time we have seen a shocking decline in both private and public morals. You can't expect quality from people whose lives are a subjection to a lack of quality. You can't have quality with mass production. You don't want it because it lasts too long. So you substitute styling, which is a commercial swindle intended to produce artificial obsolescence. Mass production couldn't sell its goods next year unless it made what it sold this year look unfashionable a year from now. We have the whitest kitchens and the most shining bathrooms in the world. But in the lovely white kitchen the average American housewife can't produce a meal fit to eat, and the lovely shining bathroom is mostly a receptacle for deodorants, laxatives, sleeping pills, and the products of that confidence racket called the cosmetic industry. We make the finest packages in the world, Mr. Marlowe. The stuff inside is mostly junk.

...

We don't have mobs and crime syndicates and goon squads because we have crooked politicians and their stooges in the City Hall and legislatures. Crime isn't a disease, it's a symptom. Cops are like the doctor who gives you aspirin for a brain tumor, except that the cop would rather cure it with a blackjack. We're a big rough rich wild people and crime is the price we pay for it, and organized crime is the price we pay for organization. We'll have it with us a long time. Organized crime is just the dirty side of the sharp dollar.

I read The Long Goodbye today. It was much longer than The Big Sleep, and also slower. The result was a book of meaty characters, a good hit of drama as well as suspense, and the best fucking plot twist ever. I could even say that The Long Goodbye is the best novel I have ever read. I may regret that after class tomorrow, but I may not. Chandler is an absolutely fantastic writer, and it's quite clear to me why others emulated him, and why his name is the one most commonly cast on the boilerplate of hardboiled detective fiction.
The quotes above are from Harlan Potter in chapter 32, and Philip Marlowe in Chapter 48, respectively. Chandler's view on the world is quite cynical, and that's probably why I like it. And to drive the whole thing home, after two novels of his bluntness, his demeanor, and his outlook, I can say with fair confidence that Philip Marlowe is a character I empathize with in a very significant way.
Hell of a book.

I've been typecast

2009-04-08T01:26:00.001-04:00

Rough cut of a friend's film project

Fucking awesome, but just proves I've been typecast as a nerd. Probably the only film in which I fire a rocket launcher, though.

Neuromancer

2009-04-05T23:43:00.003-04:00

I just finished Neuromancer, again. But I think I got it this time.
The book hurts my head. The ending, Case as a character, so many things ring too close. The entire journey rings existential in an uncomfortably familiar way.

But, even if I don't read my other books for comparative analysis, I already know I'm going to own this paper. Neuromancer is hardboiled, without a doubt. It's all there: implied distrust for authority, the police, and the established order, the locational awareness of the writing, the 'smooth operator' main character, and an ending in which the protagonist succeeds, though in a hollow and possibly superficial way. Gibson actually kneaded that into you at the end, when Wintermute says "Things aren't different. Things are things."
There are clear stylistic considerations which give nods to Chandler's style of writing, but Case as a character owes more to Sam Spade, in my opinion. He has an emotional profile much closer to that of Spade, though there is one aberration where Case deviates from either Marlowe or Spade: Case is more self-interested than either, though this can be argued based on the way the book ends. It can go several ways, really, and if you really wanted to dig into the Chandler angle, you could even argue that Case's relationship with Wintermute takes on similar hallmarks to the relationship between Marlowe and General Sternwood in The Big Sleep. Based on the order of events in the story, it's difficult to tell exactly how self-interested Case is, since he gets paid after completing the job, though it's implied earlier that he would have gotten his pancreas fixed regardless at a certain point.
The book affected me profundly when I first read it, and it has again now, to a nearly surprising degree. I read it with much more patience this time around, and got to really see and understand the depth in all the characters, not just Case, but Molly and Armitage also, at the very least. Rereading the book gave me a fuller appreciation for Gibson as an author, and the cyberpunk genre as a whole.

Nocturnal?

2009-04-05T21:51:00.002-04:00

This weekend has had me with the most fucked up sleep schedule ever. Despite that, I feel like I came out better than I went in.

Formal was Saturday night. I had a lot of fun, and was very glad I went, despite the angst that front-loaded the process.
For that and other reasons, I was up until 4 last night, slept two hours before buggy, then went back to bed at 10am and woke up around 4:30pm. Hence the post name. Going to bed tonight may be very difficult...but after suffering through tomorrow, I think I'll be back on track. At least until buggy next week.

Other things...
Saw Fast and Furious with Dexter. There were some entertaining bits, and some very pretty cars. Don't get me wrong, though: the movie was terrible.

Started rereading Neuromancer for my 'hardboiled' English class. Reading it again, with a better critical eye and more patience than my 9th grade self has led me to the conclusion that the novel is indeed brilliant, and deserving of all the praise it got. Damn Gibson needed to learn how to write scene transitions, but if you give it the patience it needs, the story and the twists and the characters are all sublime.

Webcomics in a nutshell

2009-04-01T11:07:00.002-04:00

From "Least I Could Do"

Yeah.

You just figured this out?

2009-03-30T23:32:00.004-04:00

I don't have much time left.
So what should I do?
Should I put up with as much uncertainty as I am? I really don't know if it's worth it...and God only knows where I'm going to be when I get a job, so why would I be stupid enough to think anything would last past May? Then again...should I care if things are good now? Are things good now? I don't even know.
It's that time of the year, crisis time. I don't really feel like I'm doing anything worthwhile, and I don't exactly know how to change that...I think I need to lighten the fuck up, just a thought...
And at this point, I'm not dating anyone. Even if I think it feels different than that, it isn't. Not yet, at least. Though at this rate...

On top of all this, I'm still in school. I need to do laundry. I've run out of soap. And I may be ~~bipolar~~ sleep deprived and addicted to caffeine. Life is fun.

EDIT: Yeah, after a decent night of unconsciousness, I think my sleep schedule is to blame for aggravating otherwise normal mood swings. This'll be fun, I don't think it'll return to normal for another three weeks.

And as always, rant rant ranty rant rant rant. Serious this probably is not.

Next Immediate Opportunity for Ass-Kicking

2009-03-25T13:01:00.002-04:00

On May 7th, a Thursday, Clutch is playing at The Cellar in Struthers, Ohio. It's not listed, but I'm guessing it's a 21+ show. Anyone interested? I've wanted to see Clutch live forever. Even though I have a final the next day, I don't care. It's only an hour away, and it should be astonishingly awesome.

I knew they were out there somewhere...

2009-03-24T10:34:00.002-04:00

Images from the MSI show on Flickr.

Danko Jooones.....

2009-03-24T09:54:00.001-04:00

Somehow, I didn't expect this video to involve the undead as much as it does.

Danko Jones is a party rock band from Canada. Danko Jones is also the name of their lead singer. They're cool.

To whom it may concern

2009-03-22T03:45:00.005-04:00

If you didn't guess, yeah, there was a bit of chaos. But in the end, I think it's all good. I'm not taking anything too seriously.

Emphasis: not too seriously. It's all fun and games.

Until someone gets hurt. But that's your side, not mine.

EDIT: I removed the first section of the post. With a clear head, I can honestly say it's a bad idea to bring it up in a public forum. The idea itself...well, things would have to change.

Driving Nowhere

2009-03-19T11:17:00.004-04:00

By Helmet:

Confront the daily setbacks
All the lows and highs
With anesthetic means I'm
Fit to socialize
Driving nowhere fast
Accelerate to pass
Now I've got time to kill at last
Bombing hometowns I can
Watch it free from harm
United Arab Emirates
Still keep the gas in my car
Driving nowhere fast
Accelerate to pass
Now I've got time to kill at last
Keep the gas in my car
Let me go far
I'm driving nowhere fast
Accelerate to pass
Now I've got time to kill at last

Last night was...overwhelming. See last post. Greek Sing and classes would be easier without everything else flying in my mind. How do I tell you this...

Karma, or, terrible timing

2009-03-19T01:11:00.002-04:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH.

Formal = Very Yes

2009-03-18T01:48:00.001-04:00

I win at life.

In conclusion

2009-03-14T00:26:00.002-04:00

To end spring break, I went to, as I put it, a carnival of violence and human depravity. Or, more specifically, a Mindless Self Indulgence concert. Damn.

I went down to Worcester with my brother for this one. We quickly realized that the median age of the concertgoers was below my age. Well, OK, I kind of knew that. Then, we thought about it...it may have been below my brother's age. Maybe. That was scary.

Fun show though. Violent in the extreme, Jimmy seems to know only half the words to his songs, and my brother nearly lost a shoe and definitely destroyed the pair of pants he was wearing. All in all, a very successful evening.

To back up, spring break was good. I did very little, but got a lot of sleep. I did manage to get out of the house and see people and do stuff, and I'm glad I saw and did everything and everyone. Or everyone and everything. However those verbs line up.

This is totally my theme song

2009-03-11T18:58:00.001-04:00

Faster, by Tub Ring

And I Believe That Before You Die
You Get A Fraction Of A Second
To Explore Yourself

And In My Life
I've Always Wanted Much More
So In My Time To Explore
I'll Need Much More

Traffic Is The Enemy
Traffic Is The Enemy
Traffic Is The Enemy
Traffic Is The Enemy

One Hundred And Eighty Six Thousand
Two Hundred And Eighty Two Miles Per Second

To Live Longer
In The Subatomic Sense
I Must Drive Even Faster
Must Run Even Faster

Time Will Cease
The Closer I Get And
On The Shoulders Of Gods
I'll Surpass Regret

It Doesn't Matter How
Minute The Change
Because My Mind Is Smaller
And My Body Is Smaller

At Those Speeds
Time Is Relative And
The More I Understand
The Longer I'll Live

And I believe that the key is found
Inside my car

Traffic Is The Enemy
Traffic Is The Enemy
Traffic Is The Enemy
Traffic Is The Enemy

One Hundred And Eighty Six Thousand
Two Hundred And Eighty Two Miles Per Second

To Live Longer
In The Subatomic Sense
I Must Drive Even Faster
Must Run Even Faster

Time Will Cease
The Closer I Get And
On The Shoulders Of Gods
I'll Surpass Regret

It Doesn't Matter How
Minute The Change
Because My Mind Is Smaller
And My Body Is Smaller

At Those Speeds
Time Is Relative And
The More I Understand
The Longer I'll Live

I Must Go Faster

To Live Longer
In The Subatomic Sense
I Must Drive Even Faster
Must Run Even Faster

Time Will Cease
The Closer I Get And
On The Shoulders Of Gods
I'll Surpass Regret

It Doesn't Matter How
Minute The Change
Because My Mind Is Smaller
And My Body Is Smaller

At Those Speeds
Time Is Relative And
The More I Understand
The Longer I'll Live

Spring Break. Woo...

2009-03-10T20:32:00.002-04:00

I'm home for spring break, which is equal parts relaxing and maddening. On one hand, I've gotten around 10-12 hours of sleep each night, something I've needed, and something that will help keep my rising insanity at bay for at least a few more weeks until Carnival. On the other hand, I haven't been doing much.
Boredom seems like a ludicrous complaint for a break that's only a week long. Also, today and yesterday were the only days I really had nothing to do, as tomorrow we're celebrating my brother's birthday, Friday I go to a concert, and Thursday I theoretically have plans. But boredom can cause issues, when you're sitting alone with your thoughts for essentially two days straight.
First, I'm in a somewhat precarious position at this point in my social life, and being home exacerbates this simply because I can't really do anything. I can think about it, think about it a lot, and ultimately start worrying over nothing, but I can't act on it and nothing I do or say will prevent me from being neurotic.
Second, this is a point in my life fraught with anxiety. Mostly over the future, OK, entirely over the future. There's the very real concern of getting a job and moving into the next stage in life, the fairly real but somewhat distant concern of what life I'll have when I get there, and how I'll met people, and then the altogether ludicrous existential angst over what I'm doing with my life, the fact that I keep getting older, and why the hell am I here in the first place.
I'm 21, nearly 22. That is altogether too young to start worrying about how much time I have left on this earth. I can't very effectively worry about what I've done with my life when I have yet to know what I'm going to be doing with my life. And God forbid I worry about being married or starting a family when I'm still working on asking a girl out after getting her phone number.

It's way too early for all this shit. And maybe that should be the take away message. I'm still young enough to sit around at home for days at a time without any commitments to worry about. And even if that stage of my life will be coming to an end soon, maybe that's the sign I should enjoy it. All in all, things would probably be a lot more enjoyable if I didn't worry so much about everything.

I think I can calm down about my anxieties for at least a little while. It may help me to relax, but it doesn't help the fact that I'm here for break, no one else is, and I'm still bored as hell.

DRAMA!

2009-03-01T10:07:00.004-05:00

People can jump to conclusions very quickly. Even as you see one person after another being led to assume the same thing, you need to know exactly what's real information and what someone is just assuming. And realistically, let others know that too. Assumptions are often wrong, but if we treat them otherwise before actually knowing, real feelings get hurt.
In other news, sometimes it's better just to keep something to yourself if you everyone will jump to the same unsubstantiated conclusion. Another lesson for me to file in the "why the hell did that just happen" file.
Ran a session last night. Should be an interesting campaign, but now I need to write more. When the hell will I have time for that...maybe Spring Break. Maybe.

Fast moving

2009-02-25T11:24:00.002-05:00

It's almost March. This semester is moving quickly.
I'm actually taking classes (contrary to what I'd want you to believe), and there's Greek Sing. I'm actually fairly busy.

And then, there's this whole graduating thing. As I'm looking for a job, and trying to figure out where I'm going to be next year, I can't help but think that I'm ready to move on, go to the next thing. Now that that seems like a reality, I start to be torn. On one hand, I am so done with classes, with my stress level, with all that bullshit. On the other hand, I know a lot of people here. I've met a lot of people this year, too, and in some ways, I wish I had met them earlier, especially the older ones who were actually here earlier. It's not like I have any control over it, but to think that I'll realistically only see these people at all for a couple more months is kind of depressing.

If there's something I should take away from this, maybe it's that I should take some more risks. I'm not going to be around for much longer, I may as well step out and make the time worthwhile. Of course, that's easier said than done.

You know you want to

2009-02-19T18:44:00.002-05:00

This a repost from Facebook:

I want to see Mindless Self Indulgence in Worcester, MA on March 13. It is, as far as I know, an All Ages show, so that shouldn't deter anyone (like my brother, cough cough). The tickets are 19 a piece, and I'm going to want to buy them before the end of this weekend. So, does anyone want to come with me? Please let me know. I will drive, we will all rock out.

Murphy's Law, for better or worse

2009-02-09T13:41:00.003-05:00

Even though rush has been over for a week now, my life is still busy. And, Murphy's Law will continue to rear its head. For those who are unaware:

Murphy's Law: If anything can go wrong, it will.

Now, there are many corollaries of this law, mostly applying to specific situations. Some are not as cynical as Murphy's Law itself.

Corollary 1: Everything will end up contrary to your preparations.

So, for example, if I was speeding, and knew my behavior was likely to get me a ticket, and then turned to my passengers warning that I would get pulled over any minute now, the fact that I make it home without so much as seeing a police car is an application of Corollary 1. Not that this happened to me this past weekend, or anything. Of course not.

Sometimes, you just have to go on the theme of the original law. For instance: If you hit it off with a girl and plan to call her later, you will inevitably meet her boyfriend in the next 48 hours. Not that that happened to me either. Not at all.

I guess the somewhat circuitous moral of the story is that you always need to be prepared for the unexpected. Don't fall in love with your plans, because they're most likely going to be completely destroyed. This is something I've learned by running tabletop games for the last 7 years. The more you plan, the more gets abandoned sooner. It goes without saying in the game setting, so it shouldn't be too surprising in real life either.

Where did this come from? Well, there was a big job fair last week, and I've felt like my job search this academic year has been one giant application of Murphy's law. Additionally, I had a long conversation with a few people about fear of failure in social situations. And I realized something: dating is like running. You've got to feel the burn.

Seriously WHAT

2009-02-02T23:32:00.002-05:00

Uranium Ore

Read the comments. Priceless.

Subnormality

2009-02-02T17:12:00.004-05:00

Hmmm.

http://www.viruscomix.com/subnormality.html

Incidentally, it can get loud if I try and go to bed too early...

Random!

2009-01-29T20:15:00.003-05:00

Randomness

On the heels of this, I kind of want to run a 'random' Cyberpunk game. Roll for role, straight dice for stats (either straight or assigned, depending on how cruel I am), and then use fast/dirty rules for inventory, and maybe also skills. No lifepath, instead, write a description of how the hell the character happened.

Damn, now I really want to do this. If I can make it streamlined enough...

OK. The campaign will be entitled 'Disposable Heroes', and character death may be extremely frequent. Now to go reacquaint myself with the fast/dirty generator.

BRILLIANT!

2009-01-23T16:44:00.001-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21OH0wlkfbc

Yeah.

Life is a process, and sometimes you just got to drop all the old shit like a bad dream and start kicking ass

2009-01-21T01:12:00.002-05:00

So, I've been writing. I'm working slowly, but I have the direction of the story at least somewhat down. I've written maybe three pages (the fault of both no time and writing late at night), but in that time I've started to sketch out Lars. He's not in his final form yet, but his trademark phrase has come out, and I've started to hint at his past. Sky just showed up...though you wouldn't know it in the story (tee hee). And I really want to write this...that's the difference. This will be good, and I'm going to enjoy writing this. Finally. It's taken so fucking long.
My last entry was kind of a hint at this, so I titled it with a quote I plan on using in the story. I guess it's one way to take notes...I had started to write, and was on Blogger to announce it, and came up with the idea...so I just wrote it in the title box. It's kind of exemplary of Sky and Lars' relationship, being that Lars has a degree of self-doubt regarding why he does what he does, and Sky...doesn't. So I'm building Sky to be very blunt, like me, and Lars to have little idea of where the fuck his life is going...like me. This will be very interesting. The title of this post is the justification Lars gives to Sky as to why he decided to uproot and start the job which begins the plot. So, another note I wanted. Both of these quotes will come up in the next few pages.

If you can't trust you, I won't either.

2009-01-19T00:09:00.002-05:00

I've finally had enough of a creative boilover, I'm going to start writing a story. Watch this space.

Inauguration

2009-01-14T20:16:00.002-05:00

War on Tyranny

Obama is being inaugurated in less than a week. This video celebrates Bush's departure more than Obama's arrival, but...eh. The music is by Cage, who is one of my favorite rappers, and the video, though not an official video for the song, is extremely well done. Enjoy.

Winter break in review

2009-01-09T21:50:00.003-05:00

Break is over, I head back to Pittsburgh tomorrow. The timing is, in my opinion, perfect. I never got murderously bored here, and I'm absolutely ready to go back.

My original plan was to spend the break learning how to play the guitar. I spent about two days practicing on and off, and realized that I don't really like the guitar. I had way more fun playing my bass here, despite the severe neck warpage. That bass is, unfortunately, beyond saving, even after two weeks of massive torsion bar adjustments. If I want to continue playing, I'm going to have to suck it up and buy myself a decent instrument. In the meanwhile, I'm going to bring the cheap guitar back to Pittsburgh and sell it.

I had a new plan, which came to fruition at the very beginning of my first whole week home. After talking to my dad, I wanted to brew some beer. He wanted to brew again too, so you know what? We brewed some beer. Just bottled it this evening. It won't be ready for another 2-3 weeks, so I'll let you all know how that turned out when I finally get to taste it in March. I had a lot of fun brewing, enough so that it may be a hobby I pursue in the future. After startup costs, it works out to be a fairly economical way to provide yourself with high quality beer. At worst, it doesn't cost more than buying a case of something decent. And, there's some chemistry, biology, and a lot of cool shit going on. Just reading a book about all the different ways you can experiment got my mental juices flowing.

And, on top of all that, I actually left the house. Saw some friends, and saw some people I hadn't seen in a while. Met new people too. That's always fun. So, all in all, I'd call it a productive break. I didn't let a sinus infection get in my way, I did more than be a blob, and I got some skiing in. Now, I go back to my last semester at CMU. Wow. It is weird to say that.

The internet has all the secrets

2009-01-06T19:38:00.001-05:00

I saw the brightest minds of my generation destroyed by Google

Bruce Sterling is a fucking brilliant author, no doubt.

2008: The year in review

2008-12-31T13:06:00.003-05:00

What a crazy year this has been.

I rang in 2008 halfway across the world, in Israel. I suppose it was fitting, because if any one event had the biggest impact on my year, it was Birthright. It changed my religious outlook, changed my social life, and probably was involved in one way or another in every big thing that happened to me after that.
The most significant part of my life, school, was on a good upswing. My second semester junior year and first semester senior year were two of my best semesters, grade-wise. I also took classes that began my real end of college, my big projects. And now, with only one semester left, I'm feeling the heat, so to speak.
Junior year ended with a bang. I ended a long relationship, turned 21, won a trophy (buggy, woo), and then left for Chicago at the end of May. The internship was an eye-opening experience in my life, and will probably be a very important one as I continue to search for a job.
Then, senior year started. The job search combined with that damn lab class helped ratchet up my frustration and stress level in what all other ways should have been an easy semester. Alls well that ends well, though, and breaking 3.5 for a semester GPA was the highest GPA I have thus received at CMU. If it weren't for that lab class, I would have had a 4.0.
And now, I'm here. With things changing as quickly as they have this past semester, I don't know what to expect during my last semester. I guess it's reasonable to assume more adventure of the type I started having this past semester, but that's so vague, it's hard to say it means anything. The only thing to do now is keep an open mind about everything ahead of me. College ends in five months, real life begins. What a thought.

Anathem, by Neal Stephenson

2008-12-28T21:46:00.003-05:00

As part of my winter break, I managed to read a book. Yes, one. If it weren't for a stubborn case of sinusitis I'd probably do more, but this one's a doozy anyway. Clocking in at nearly 900 pages, Anathem continues Stephenson's tradition of writing long books. This one, I can say, is worth it.
The conceit of the novel is that, in the world it takes place in, academics are cloistered in maths, which are essentially monasteries, except for academics instead of religion. The story follows Erasmas, a brother in one of these 'maths'.
The plot in the book is engrossing, and the world is well-built, if not a little bit disturbing. A lot of parallels are drawn regarding the way academia is treated in our world, and though it is clearly nothing as extreme as the case presented in the book, it does make you ask some questions as to what Stephenson is trying to say with this.
One thing to say is that Stephenson takes setting his book in an academic cloister seriously, and there's a lot of math, a lot of philosophy, and a fair amount of quantum physics. It makes the book harder to read, yes, but if you're willing to learn along, or have a decent academic background of any sort (I'm neither a physics nor a math major, but was able to keep up with most of the abstract concepts), it will greatly improve your ability to appreciate the book. I don't think you need to be extraordinarily educated to understand things the way Stephenson presents them, but you do need to be patient enough to understand the discussions the characters have on the subjects, possibly rereading them if need be (I did do this a few times, for this and a reason outlined below).
The one thing I find a little irksome in the book was Stephenson's vocabulary, notably the words he made up. For the most part, they add to the experience, and play in heavily towards the end of the book. So, it may have been worth the effort on Stephenson's part. There are 'dictionary' entries spread throughout the text as well as a glossary in the back, though some of these are still confusing. I went through most of the book with only some feeling as to what both 'Deolater' and 'Ita' meant, and both of these terms were fairly important.
All in all, the book was quite good, and kept me hooked for the two days I spent reading it. It is worth noting that reading a 900 page book in two days is not something I normally do, but for Stephenson, I'll put in the effort. After coming out deeply satisfied with this read, it may just be worth it to try the Baroque Cycle again. Maybe.

New thinking

2008-12-14T16:46:00.002-05:00

In the throes of my recent illness, I had some time to reconcile my personal caveats with a fantasy setting. Now I have some great ideas.

I don't want to give away too many details. That being said, the concept is the world after a cataclysm has ripped away at the fabric of the universe. In this setting, the fabric metaphor is taken a little literally.

There's the steampunk influence, the post-apocalyptic influence, there's magic, and there's some interesting religious elements. With some variations on material I've already written and some liberal usage of concepts from GURPS Thaumatology, I think it'll be both a unique and very cool setting. My plan is to write more over winter break.

My Weekend

2008-12-08T19:14:00.002-05:00

Oh, my weekend...
Well, after classes being over on Friday, I went out with friends, then came home and slept til 11. After that, I proceeded to gather the troops for my GURPS one-shot. It went beautifully, though it took 7 hours to get everyone there (1), make characters (3) and play (3). Still, it was a lot of fun, and we're going to try and play again during finals.
After that, I went to a party with some of the group. No details there, but...

I went to sleep at 9:00 AM Sunday morning. It was epic.

Hrmm...

2008-12-05T08:03:00.001-05:00

Friends with Detriments

This simply describes too many of the relationships I've had to ignore.

Silliness

2008-11-25T10:50:00.003-05:00

Instructions
1. Put your iTunes on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing the same as well as the person you got the note from.

How do you feel today?
Free Stress Test - Professor Murder

What is your motto?
Dog Star Descends - Lustmord

What do your friends think of you?
Stand Up - Flobots

What do you think about very often?
Waitin for the DJ - Talib Kweli

What is 2+2?
Ashes in the Fall - Rage Against the Machine

What do you think of your best friend?
State of Emergency - Skindred (What's goin' on, all over this whole wide world...sounds about right)

What do you think of the person you like?
Like You Want - Mondo Generator

What is your life story?
Awaken - Dethklok

What do you want to be when you grow up?
I wish I had a 303 - Dave Remix

What do you think when you see the person you like?
Tribe to a Nation - Sepultura

What do your parents think of you?
Want - Disturbed (Probably why they pay for my plane tickets)

What will you dance to at your wedding?
Jesus Wrote A Blank Check - Cake

What will they play at your funeral?
Looking At You - The MC5

What is your hobby/interest?
Cow - The Melvins (Moo! Mooooooo! I do like steak)

What is your biggest secret?
Snake Appeal - The Melvins (wink wink, nudge nudge)

What do you think of your friends?
Love Her Madly - The Doors

What’s the worst thing that could happen?
Rumble - West Side Story

How will you die?
Naked and Famous - Presidents of the United States of America

What is the one thing you regret?
Work - RJD2

What makes you laugh?
Mini Mini Mini - KMFDM

What Makes You Cry?
Love is Unkind - Danko Jones

Will you ever get married?
Bomb This Track - Mindless Self Indulgence

What scares you the most?
Cannibal Song - Ministry (Not quite. I've never met a cannibal before)

Does anyone like you?
Wasted and Ready - Ben Kweller

If you could go back in time, what would you change?
The Script For My Requiem - Blind Guardian

What hurts right now?
Call Me Down - Five Horse Johnson

What will you post this as?
Abraham - Sufjan Stevens

I'm not going to tag anyone, though the three-ish people who read this can feel free to post it somewhere.

Dragging

2008-11-19T13:29:00.002-05:00

I really just want it to be Thanksgiving, but there's a lot of work to be done before that. This lab will take up the rest of this evening and tomorrow evening, and the paper will be my whole weekend.

But after that, home. Home is an opportunity to relax for a bit, and seeing family is always nice. But right now I seem to be looking ahead...I want the semester to be over so I can get to the next one...I want the year to be over so I can graduate already. This may not be so good.

I'm wondering why it took so long to start really doing what I wanted to do, socially. I got a little start freshman year, though for reasons clear to me now, it never really got very far...
I'm not sure how I got my priorities so mixed up. At the time, everything I was doing seemed fine and good, but now that I'm going about things differently, a good year and a half seems like it was spent in a holding pattern. When now I'm meeting new people, having fun, and learning about myself, my last relationship seems like it was a holding pattern and an utter waste of time.

I know it was a learning experience, and I doubt I would have gotten to where I am now without it. But if I had been more willing to take risks and broaden my horizons, the results would probably have been better. Instead, I was trying to bring someone else up to my level, rather than pushing my own level up even further. And in the last semester, I've proven to myself that I can change myself much quicker and easier than I can ever change others.

And now, I know what I need to do, and I have so much less time left to do it in. Best to take advantage of the environment while I have it. Whenever I move on to my next big thing, I want to be sure that I really have no regrets.

Filling in Time

2008-11-15T18:32:00.002-05:00

I have an hour right now, and I don't feel like doing work.

I've realized life will never boil down to a set of snappy sayings. That being said, it's important to take in all experiences that come to you, and use them to help form your understanding of you as a person.
I guess these are two things I try to live my life by: be open-minded, and fight for what you believe in.

On a completely different note, the correct answer to the question 'What should I do, Internet?', is 'Shut the fuck up and stop whining, nobody cares.' When you don't have a real person to talk to, your plea is worth nothing in the eyes of...well, no one. Oh well. This applies more to blog posts, on internet forums there is at least a specific group of people in the other end.

Blah.

2008-11-13T10:53:00.000-05:00

Motivation is hard to come by these days. I think I need a break.
But, alas, another lab and a draft paper are due before Thanksgiving. Well, shit.

This weekend may help. Or, it may not. I don't really have anything planned, so we'll see what happens. On the plus side, there are a lot of possibilities.

Side note: RSS feeds are great, because then you don't have to visit a website more than once. Though that's great for having your reading habits go undetected, it's annoying for sites that have comment sections. I mean, on Jalopnik, I can't even read the comments in Thunderbird.

Music that rocks

2008-11-12T11:23:00.001-05:00

I've been listening to Karma to Burn, a very cool stoner rock group. It's like they kick you in the face...with music.
But seriously, a good combination of aggressive rock with some interesting instrumentation and arrangement. Sweet.

Randomness b/c I feel like it

2008-11-09T02:13:00.003-05:00

I miss the days when coming back drunk after a night of abortive revelry immediately meant a pissy, emo livejournal entry. Admittedly, this applied more to my friends than me, because it was just such entertaining reading (Ha!). I guess it's a combination of voyeurism and Schadenfreude. Clearly, I'm a terrible person. So please, to those whose blogs I read (all two of you), take more time from your busy schedules to rant. Or, point me to some ranty blogs for a good fix.
Well, I'm not drunk, and my revelry tonight was not abortive. Tonight was AEPi's pledge party, and it came together pretty well, despite my initial anxieties. I had fun, and took to heart my personal goal to not take anything too seriously. It worked, because I busted a move, or two, or sixty. It was cool.

Help, I'm a Rock!

2008-11-05T20:55:00.001-05:00

Looking back through some blogs, I saw that at given points in the relationship, both my exes said the same thing:

I'm very stable.
...Wonderful.

See title.

Politics

2008-11-03T21:11:00.002-05:00

Well, tomorrow's the election.
I don't really have the energy to make a political rant. The amount of ignorance out there, and the amount of negativity, it all sickens me. I just want this whole damn thing to be over, the best man for the job to win, and us to get on with our lives.
That being said, I'm voting tomorrow, and you all should too. It's the least we can do to counter the rampant and inevitable Republican voter fraud.
Did I mention I'm a pessimist?

Spread it around

2008-11-01T16:44:00.002-04:00

Halloween is a pretty cool time to party.

Also serves as a reminder to be flexible, get out there, and let the chips fall where they may. Lots of opportunities abound, you just need to go out and find them.
Wow. I sound obnoxiously chipper.

Here We Go Again

2008-10-25T11:06:00.001-04:00

Learned something last night:
Most things don't go away. They may get pushed to the back of your mind, they may be easy to ignore for a few weeks, but then they come back, often with renewed vigor and vengeance.
And then they haunt your dreams. In my case, literally (It was a pretty crazy dream, but I'm not going to describe it at length here). Well, now everything gets even more convoluted.

In the meanwhile, my aunt is in town for the weekend, which has been pretty cool so far. We're going to hang out more today, which should be fun.

Energy

2008-10-21T13:41:00.002-04:00

OK, this probably as many meanings, and to a degree, everyone who'll read this will interpret it differently:

I'm going to make this year count. In the best way I can. I don't know how that'll transpire exactly, though I have a few ideas.

Incidentally:

I am so excited for Greek Sing.

He's got the Smile

2008-10-18T17:04:00.001-04:00

This weekend has been good. My midsemester break plans never materialized, but I had an interview that went well, and last night was fun too.
Don't know what'll happen tonight, but because there's buggy tomorrow, I doubt it'll be anything big. In the meanwhile, maybe I'll do some work tomorrow. We shall see.

Mechanical Systems Experimentation

2008-10-15T11:58:00.001-04:00

http://matlabmadness.ytmnd.com/

It's pretty much that bad.

I am Hans, und this is Franz... we are here to PUMP YOU UP

2008-10-13T14:39:00.002-04:00

So, yeah. I've switched to a 6-day workout plan, and have now completed two weeks. I'm still tweaking it, but in two weeks, I've gained 3 pounds, and as I get the plan optimized more, I hope to have that number up further.

My goal weight right now is 160. I have 13 pounds to go to get that weight. And, just for fun...

I have a second goal weight, my 'if it's even physically possible' weight. That is 175. I don't know if I can weigh that much, nor do I know if I could possibly keep it on.

So. If I manage to gain 28 pounds by the time I graduate college, and keep it on for at least two weeks. I'll do something crazy. I'm not sure what, I'm kind of leaning towards piercing my ears. This would only count 'good' weight, so with my body type, 26 of those 28 pounds will be pure muscle.

I highly doubt this will end up happening. But hey. Aim high, right? In the interim, my workouts do something, and physically, I feel great. Even if I don't become ripped and huge, being active does wonders for my sanity and my physical health.

Tell me something I don't know, genius

2008-10-12T22:58:00.002-04:00

A lot of shit has been happening recently. It's kind of overwhelming.

This whole future thing is very close. I'm not sure if the thought of the future worries me, or the uncertainty I have now. I want to be at a point where I have control over what I'm going to do...for the time being, all I can do is go to interviews. Interviews, after interviews, after interviews.
I have 3 more this week. Including a second round with Westinghouse...that one scares me...I really want that job.

We'll see what happens. That's all I can say for now.

Well what do you know

2008-10-06T23:43:00.002-04:00

Isn't it great when you meet someone who's totally awesome in many different ways, the night ends, and you part ways having never gotten or given a phone number or any other sort of contact information?

Yeah...my weekend was good...

Verta Ja Lihaa - Turmion Kätilöt

2008-10-04T16:13:00.001-04:00

Naaras, rakasta
Minua ja tt lihaa
Ilman vihaa

Kaksin, voimme olla
Sin, minun alla
Min, sinun pll
Yksin, min

Rovioon astelkaa
Huutaa sielu ja raapii kynet
Voi kuinka se vihaa
Verta ja lihaa

Raakaa, riestata
Rasvaa, rakkautta
Teknologinen mielen raiskaus
Sairaan kansan diktatuuri
Maailma on bordelli

Rautaa on uros tuo
Ruhonsa vie naaraan luo
Polttaa vaimon ja talon
Oksentaa lattialle ja nauraa maailmanrauhalle

Finnish Industrial Metal.
Hell Yes.

Bass! Bass bass bass bass bass bass bass

2008-10-02T12:29:00.002-04:00

My bass came in.

Yes, I agree, it is totally awesome and amazing.

Happy New Year

2008-09-29T22:19:00.002-04:00

Yup, Rosh Hashanah. New year. Time to think about how things could be different, how last year was, all those great things...
At this point in the year, I'm frustrated. Mostly frustrated with my social life, frustrated with my dating life (lack thereof), frustrated with those sorts of things. There's always a point where you can't see anything resolving, you honestly can't think of a way things will get better in the near future. And that's really disheartening.
I'm not cut out for this whole thing. I can't stand the game that gets played surrounding interactions with the opposite sex...but it seems like it's a prerequisite for getting anywhere, and that frustrates me. No one is comfortable with being honest and out there a bit, and, admittedly, I'm not either. But still...
The fact that the only way I can see myself improving with respect to this is by graduating and moving on is, well, to say the least, depressing.
So I have to think of some way to make it better. All I can think of is to keep doing what I'm doing, putting myself out there, and taking more risks. It's the only way things will improve, in the long run.

They are reading my blog.

2008-09-27T14:17:00.006-04:00

From Statcounter:
Location: Arlington, Virginia, United States
IP Address: Booz, Allen, And Hamilton (156.80.83.161)
Entry Page: blackpool2020.blogspot.com/2008/09/it-has-begun.html
Exit Page: blackpool2020.blogspot.com/2008/09/it-has-begun.html
Referring URL: No referring link

They're reading my blog. Maybe it's because I mention them in my last entry...or maybe someone Googled me when I got put on their interview list, or checked Facebook. Either way, they're doing their homework. This blog isn't particularly interesting or revealing, but still...I wonder how it reflects on me.

It has begun...

2008-09-26T08:06:00.000-04:00

I just scheduled my second job interview. It's with Booz Allen Hamilton on the 6th of October.
Next Wednesday, I'll be told if I get two more. The true storm is really beginning.

Revolve - The Melvins

2008-09-24T17:10:00.003-04:00

Freedom on like stems from walk away.
You gotta hold your time,
You gotta hit it with the right of way.
Maybe black too far for any like the one seen.
In a way it's sane,
Either way it's gotta mean.
Red sister might be chokin'
But I ain't about that kind.
Answer me with the rhythm of a body that was born to lose two times.

Hey big Bodie
He says deny but your for tin lie.
Head my shoulder
Big boat deloves, big boat deny.

They might try to hide
But they have to have some more dead sense.
You might be right
Like a ball in the wind.
Poison dandy lifeforms crime.
Mix both down cross,
Sticky pedal the line.
The flavor might be missin'
But he acts to cross that anyway.
You can bet he can diddle with the promise in the power of another day.

*Chorus*

Two of you sold my wallet.
One of you stole my tie.
Didn't you say that you're watching?
Do or die.
Venomous strange appears.
Three of you standing by.
Didn't you say that you've got it?
Watch me eye.

You see, I like posting lyrics that pertain to my life, of songs I like. I wanted to find something pertaining to relationships, and I was listening to this song (which, by the way, kicks ass). And I realized something:

What the fuck does that even mean? I don't understand what this means at all.

I'm deep. And hey, the song doesn't even use the word 'Revolve'.

Why must it always be so... accurate?

2008-09-15T11:00:00.000-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hfl9e53LX_U

AAAAAAAAHHH.

I'm doomed.

Another sleep-inducing edition of...

2008-09-14T22:06:00.002-04:00

Stealthy/Pious Fun Facts!

Over the summer, my old tracking provider, Tracksy, kind of disappeared/died on me. So, I switched to a different provider, StatCounter. StatCounter provides a lot of information, though you're limited to your 500 most recent hits. Even so, the trend tracking is very interesting, and it does a better job pinpointing ISP based on email address. Additionally, cookie-based tracking means individual user tracking is much easier.
Now, a lot of weird random people visit this site. I still get a fair amount of traffic from Google image search, and every once in a while, someone from my brother's blog will wander over here. However, the majority of traffic is from people I know. There are many hints, but the biggest ones are referral links (or lack thereof) and the number of hits in a given month. When the random guy from Brazil decides to look at the X-Runner picture (again), he'll usually do it once, after getting referred from Google image search. All you wonderful friends of mine click straight to the site, or click on it through Facebook. And, you tend to visit 10-20 times a month, though sometimes multiple times a day (I don't get it, I definitely don't update that often).
So, tracking, as well or as poorly as it's done, is still little more than a novelty. That being said, I do know who reads this, and if it's ever sounded like I directed an entry specifically at you for some reason, I probably did.

Well, probably not, but I do love making people paranoid.

Everything is a trial...

2008-09-13T15:02:00.002-04:00

...but running keeps me sane.

There never seems to be any rhyme or reason behind it, either. Sometimes I wish that I got more explanation than bad luck or a gut feeling. Guess it goes to show the type of person I am. Engineering lends itself to those who are more interested in the cause than the symptoms.

Even when it's the symptoms that are ultimately driving you up a wall.

Go With The Flow - Queens of the Stone Age

2008-09-11T19:34:00.000-04:00

She said "i'll throw myself away,
They're just photos after all"
I can't make you hang around.
I can't wash you off my skin.
Outside the frame, is what we're leaving out
You won't remember anyway
I can go with the flow
I would say it doesn't matter (with the flow) matter anymore
I can go with the flow (I can go)
Do you believe it in your head?
It's so safe to play along
Little soldiers in a row
Falling in and out of love
Something sweet to throw away.
I want something good to die for
To make it beautiful to live.
I want a new mistake, lose is more than hesitate.
Do you believe it in your head?
I can go with the flow
I would say it doesn't matter (with the flow) matter anymore
I can go with the flow (I can go)
Do you believe it in your head? X3

This song is so good.

I win at eBay

2008-09-11T16:59:00.001-04:00

So, thanks to both the inconvenience of it being in Massachusetts, as well as the warped neck and misadjusted action making it kind of 'broken', I needed to get a new bass, especially since I'm the bassist for the Hillel klezmer band, in theory.

So, I won at eBay. We'll see how this works out, but it is an Epiphone bass, and I bought it for about a hundred bucks. Nice.

In other news, I'm hopefully going to get out a bit this weekend...I really need to be more social, and meet people. If I don't continue to practice now, I'll be dead in the water next year when there's no college campus and no fraternity to rely on. And, just to mix everything up a bit, I'm on a hormonal bender. That's right, a bender. Don't know if it's seasonal, triggered by recent developments, or if it's being provoked by the exercise, but my mind is swimming in so much testosterone right now that I want to explode.

Interpret that as you will.

The weekend

2008-09-08T10:53:00.002-04:00

So, I went to a rally this weekend. You know, the kind of rally for cars.

It was sick.

Dexter and I competed in his Buick Roadmaster, an ungainly station wagon with terrible brakes and no muffler. Due to an accurate digital speedometer in the center console, we were able to place 5th in our category, which had a field of 14 competitors. Had we not been stuck behind another team with a not-so-accurate speedometer in two out of the four stages, we probably would have even done better.
The roads we took were amazing, twisting through mountains in Pennsylvania's Laurel Highlands. This, for the most part, was lost on us, because navigating the huge car down these roads was an exercise in terror and mechanical strain. Trying to keep the speed down to the instructed pace was so tough that Dexter cooked his week-old brake pads down to the wear indicators in one day. Next time I'm doing this, I'm bringing a more well-suited car.

All in all, it was a fun weekend, and we got to see a lot of really cool cars. For more on that, I have photos on Facebook.

Should have saved the onomatopoeia for this week

2008-09-05T14:39:00.002-04:00

In summary:
I want to hit something really hard with something really hard. I am very, very, very frustrated right now.

But, on the sane half of my brain:
So, I sent out an email, and am actually going to start a campaign sometime soon. I've done some very interesting planning, and already have four responses from interested people. I'll probably send them out more detailed instructions regarding character creation at the end of the weekend

Speaking of weekend, I'm being Dexter's navigator for a road rally this weekend, going from Uniontown PA back to Pittsburgh. It should be a lot of fun, especially if I have some wheel time, as driving is one way I can take out my frustration.

Well, that was ADD all over. I'll try to be coherent next week.

What a Horrible Night for a Curse

2008-09-02T13:47:00.001-04:00

Comin' like a moon over the hill
Laughin', god damn, you saw
Freight train gonna come tonight
You're holdin' all the questions, tip of your tongue
Standin' on your tip toes, and a
Sun Devil and an Angel, makin' you whole
Waitin' in a raining pile of love
You're waitin' there forever, never gonna come

Comin' like a reason over the hill
Laughin', god damn, you saw a good kill
A thousand sailors couldn't make you sail
Holdin' out the rains, you know you're gonna fail
Standin' on your tip toes, and a
Sun Devil and an Angel, makin' you whole
Waitin' in a raining pile of love
You're waitin' there forever, never gonna come

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, S-U-N-D-A-Y M-O-R-N-I-N-G

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, S-U-N-D-A-Y M-O-R-N-I-N-G

I see the light that's sittin' on the eve, it's alright, it's alright
Grass comin' up on top of the street, there's gotta be somethin' underneath

I see the light that's sittin' on the eve, it's alright, it's alright
Grass comin' up on top of the street, there's gotta be somethin' underneath

Sometimes you listen to a song, and for whatever reason, you feel it really deep inside you. For whatever reason, this was that song today. It just feels...sad.

FOAM.

2008-09-01T02:55:00.001-04:00

That was the best party ever. So many people, so much foam, so much awesomeness.

For the house, and for myself.

Rush is off to a roaring start. Oh man. These next two weeks are going to be crazy. BBQ tomorrow, then school on Tuesday and all the events start in earnest.

Be careful what you blog...

2008-08-31T20:08:00.001-04:00

...Because sometimes, people will find it more offensive than you originally intended. And just because it's under a cut doesn't mean they won't read it.

>_>

<_<

Yeah. Party soon. Should be amazing.
I've continued to brainstorm for my post-apoc campaign. I may try to write a little more for it before unleashing it on anyone, though. I've also decided I'm not going to be running with my full group this semester. Too many other things to worry about right now. I may run a smaller game, but only if I feel ready to do so with what I'm writing.

Tired...

2008-08-31T14:48:00.002-04:00

This weekend has been going really well. Tonight's party should be amazing. Hopefully, things will get even better.

Rush has started. And I have no idea when I'm going to do my homework...

Bunch 'o Stuff

2008-08-28T21:26:00.003-04:00

I've started writing and brainstorming my post-apocalyptic campaign ideas. It should be pretty interesting, and I think I'm going to take a different approach to running it, once I do run it. This should be more organic, and less plot-centered. The one good thing I see immediately about this choice of genre is a good amount of freedom, and more immediate motivations than would be provided in a fully developed city. I think it should be a lot of fun.

All in all, I need more motivation to do things. I'm still not entirely back in school mode.

Too much in my brain...frustration is still in the lead.

Interesting how that works out

2008-08-25T23:15:00.000-04:00

In an awkward twist, the awkward video awkwardly intermingled with my sidebar. Man, that was awkward. Heh heh.

Well, classes have started. This semester doesn't seem to be so bad, though the whole job search thing may add an additional layer of stress. We'll see. I'm fairly confident everything will work out.

This week is chill...parties on the weekend, then rush. Here's to hoping everything will be where I want it by Sunday.

AWKWARD.

2008-08-24T21:39:00.000-04:00

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

An experience today reminded me of this. My cousin is hilarious.

Later that night...

2008-08-23T01:48:00.002-04:00

I really hope no one takes anything I say here very seriously.

If I'm not talking about games, movies, or music, then it's little more than a rant space. And my decisions of what is rantworthy can change in less than an hour.

AAAGH

2008-08-22T23:07:00.002-04:00

It's OK, just a bit of pent-up frustration.

It kind of always happens this time of year, with less sleep and regimens of forced socialization that, though fun, are very draining.

And, of course, I have a personal issue to pick at which will bear the brunt of the blame. Of course.

I don't know. I guess I just feel like I'm doing it wrong. Everything tells me this should work and yet...it isn't.

I don't know. There's too much going on right now, with orientation and classes starting and then rush...I should focus on everything else.

I guess I just feel defeated, and this always, always happens. Yet somehow I never pick up on what I need to change...or it's something different each time.

I'm also impatient. It doesn't help either.

Starting Yet Again

2008-08-16T09:08:00.001-04:00

Leaving for Pittsburgh this afternoon. Hope to see you all there.

In other news, I saw Pineapple Express last night. It was pretty funny. I think James Franco is my hero.

'Congratulations, Daniel. You've just completed your first D&D campaign.'

2008-08-14T23:31:00.004-04:00

I got the weirdest creativity injection today. Now, for some reason, I really want to run a game again.
Based on what I saw, I was reminded of things that made me enjoy roleplaying. Additionally, it just reminded me why the medium is so neat.
Roleplaying games empower players to do things that they could not otherwise do in real life. They give a sense of accomplishment. Both of these need to be at least understood by the GM, otherwise someone won't be having fun.
The GM, on the other side, gets to tell a story, and even revel a bit in the player's accomplishments. And write a bit, and act a bit.
It's not much more complex than that...and I'm afraid I've been making it more complicated.
I have a great idea for writing a post-apoc/high adventure game. It still isn't formed in my head completely, but it'll be a lot of fun if it goes off properly. And I don't think I'm aiming for any deep intrigue stuff this time. It's clear my group isn't terribly interested, and I don't do it so well. But running and gunning is fun, and given a nice bad guy to deal with and some complications along the way, it could be a short, sweet, and badass campaign. Now if only I could write it before September.

In which I blame Judd Apatow for my sedentary problems

2008-08-12T23:11:00.000-04:00

I watched all of Undeclared over the weekend. I'm working my way through Freaks and Geeks.

They're both really good.

This coming from a guy who watches as much TV in a month as most Americans do in a single weekend.

But hey, no commercials. A beautiful thing.

Weekend

2008-08-10T17:40:00.002-04:00

Spent a few days in Cape Cod.
The ocean is pretty sick.

Going back on Saturday... going to be a long week. Not much to do, and a very very one-track mind.

I'm pretty much packed. Going to ship my trunks tomorrow, if all goes according to plan.

Comment on Ludacris' Obama Video

2008-08-01T20:13:00.001-04:00

"Unlike the Flobots, Ludacris cannot keep rhythm with no metronome."

Priceless.

Oh wait, you thought this was about politics? My bad.

My plan right now is to live in Europe for the next ten years to ride out the ensuing civil unrest. I have very little faith remaining that the political system will allow for the change necessary to see us out of this mess.

In the meanwhile, my bank is located in Scotland, so I should be safe for at least a little while.

Damn it.

2008-07-29T21:52:00.000-04:00

My surprise flavored lollipop was grape flavored.

Damn it.

What I Want From A Roleplaying Game

2008-07-29T18:26:00.004-04:00

What I want, in as few words as possible, is a compelling story.

It may be that I'm in the wrong genre entirely. What I want right now is not something that is best described in hit points or skill levels or stat blocks...but rather something best described by characters, by what they do, what they wear, how they sound, how they look, and how they react to the events of the world going on around them. I like concepts of grandiose power games, conspiracies to take over the world, unseen powers not for this earth. But they're for the story. Players of RPGs seem fixated on what they can do, what actions they can take. Instead of the 'what', how about the 'why' or the 'how'.

So maybe a roleplaying game is a foil for my own laziness. Maybe all I want to do is create a compelling story, and maybe I want a bunch of people to help me.

So this could be collaborative fiction. Or it could be that I should just write something. And it could be that I need to look more critically at what elements I tout in my games, because those are going to be elements I want to integrate into my stories.

So I want danger, and I certainly seem to like the Cyberpunk genre. Character depth is key, as is an interesting plot with a decent (though not overbearing) amount of backlog. But I always get stuck on realism, which is kind of contradictory in many genres of science fiction, cyberpunk included.

So let's wind it back. The thing that makes cyberpunk and dystopian literature interesting is their connection with the real world. So let's, for the time being, stay in the real world.

Let's work through some scenarios, based on fanciful (though not ridiculous) thought. A man, generally left-wing in his opinions, owns a gun. He owns a gun for two reasons: first, he enjoys shooting from a hobbyist perspective, and pistol shooting is both inexpensive (relatively) and challenging. Second, he has, from his own opinions on the world, a dim view of the government.

This man is a tinkerer. He has an engineering background, and enjoys tinkering with stuff. Building stuff. Modding stuff. He lives in the midwest (let's say Wisconsin) and has recently put the down payment on a fairly large estate, about 4 to 5 acres. It isn't arable land, and due to the composition of the rural route he lives on (farmers) the land is relatively cheap. Still, he now has a large mortgage.

This man is fairly cyberactive, and keeps two computers; a desktop for movie editing (his prized possession is a camcorder, at least after his 1966 Ford Falcon) and other home things, and a small Sony laptop to go to and from job, and also everywhere else. He owns three cars, but they're worth about 7500 dollars in total. He is a tinkerer. His 1981 Toyota Starlet sits dead in his garage, halfway through a conversion to run on natural gas. He knows how to finish the car, but is at a personal roadblock, having suffered minor burns and a crushed ego after an attempt to install a methane off-gas valve onto his septic tank resulted in a small explosion.

Back to the computers. The man, for the same reason he has the gun, uses Tor for his browsing. He is the only one in his county who does so. Unfortunately, when two high schoolers hold their school's computer network hostage for an unspoken ransom, the police go to the door of the one guy who they can't packet-sniff. When they ask to search his house he calmly asks for a warrant. The police ask again. He refuses, asserting his fourth amendment rights. The police say something about the Patriot Act and terrorists, and the man does not care. They enter his house. He shoots them both, killing them. Now, in reality, since they did not have a warrant, this would be termed as a self-defense killing. Police or not, you aren't allowed to enter a man's home without a warrant. So, two armed men broke into his house. Hmm. In reality, it wouldn't go down so easily. Even without the current imperial presidency, failure to produce a warrant is not likely to be considered justifiable cause for shooting police officers.
Now, the man loves taking home video. He vidblogs, and uses it to record things he does to his cars. Let's say he saw the cop car, and set up his camera on his stairway to videotape the conversation. Let's say the police officers drew weapons before he drew his, and shoved him to the ground upon trying to enter the house.

Let's say that was uploaded to Youtube.

Hmmm. I may have a novel.

Oh yeah...

2008-07-27T15:35:00.002-04:00

I went to the aquarium yesterday.

Spin Magazine

2008-07-27T12:58:00.003-04:00

So, the Helmet show I was at was in Spin Magazine. They had photos. Which is good, because my cell phone camera was not up to the fast motion metal-ness.
Check it out:
http://spin.com/articles/chicago-headbangs-helmet
It also confirms I was one of the younger dudes there. Not surprising, Helmet's original lineup broke up in 1998.

May 5, 2005

2008-07-25T23:48:00.002-04:00

The fun thing about so many things in life is that you have absolutely no clue what's going to happen. This would include prom, moving, spontaneously kissing someone in a hallway in the middle of Eastern Europe...you know.
I've always panicked about the little details of events like this. But once it's completely out of your control, it tends to be more relaxing. Especially when you know that even if some little detail is awry, most likely, the night will go well. In some bizarre twist, one of the sub-clauses of Murphy's law is: "The more you worry about it, the less worrisome it will be." Which is a good thing, really.

So, all in all, I got it, somehow. I don't know. I was doing more old-year voyeurism, and this came up. It's interesting, because I wrote it. Just thought it'd be worth sharing.

All this old-year voyeurism is kind of hard without my own livejournal to look back on, but in some way, it's probably healthier not to be able to read any of the vile ranting, because there was definitely a fair amount of that. Oh well.

See below post. It's about metal, and therefore way more interesting.

FUCKIN' METAL

2008-07-25T22:48:00.004-04:00

So, lots of stuff has happened recently. But I only want to focus on one thing.

I went to see Helmet Thursday night. It was, without reservation, totally sick. Amazing, amazing show.
Page Hamilton, the frontman of the band, is by far the coolest middle-aged guy ever to walk the earth. I mean, I didn't realize this until I looked it up, but the man is 48. Holy shit. He can rock with the rest of them, that's for sure.

They played all my favorite songs. I was in a mosh pit and was tossed in projectile motion by crazy guys who were twice my size. I screamed at the top of my lungs and went home with no voice and my ears ringing. It was so good. I can't even say anything else. It was just so good.

It was so good, I bought a shirt.
Though, for next time, I'm bringing ear plugs. I can't keep doing this to my ears.

In our hands

2008-07-23T21:55:00.002-04:00

In our hands, in the hands of each being on this planet, we possess an ungodly amount of power. This is not an electrical power that will jump forth in a bright spark all at once, it is more of an ebb and flow that continues throughout all of life.

Think, if you will, about your significance. In the universe at large, in a world with over 6 billion people, you cannot possibly be significant. Or can you? Within the inner realm of another person, you may be significant. More significant than you could know.

You may be so significant, that someone will not go a single day without thinking about you. Someone may change earth-shattering plans for the future to be with you. Someone may contemplate killing themselves over the thought of not having you.

And this will happen, if not once, many times in your lifetime. At all levels of intensity, you will walk into someone else's life, and when you walk out, you will leave it permanently changed.

Life's questions, in many ways, seem to boil down to these: who has walked across the stage of our life and left it completely different than it was before? And who did you leave in your wake when you made your cameo?

It is very, very difficult to understand. It still haunts me that someone could genuinely love another from the very bottom of their heart...and yet that other person simply not feel the same way.

It is an unanswered question that affects me very deeply. I truly wish I could simply know what people are thinking...because even if I really do know the truth, it scares me, the idea that I could leave so many loose strings from the fringes of my life past.

So I did write something today. But I still haven't found the self-discipline to sit down and start hacking out my story. Damn it.

Most people...

2008-07-23T19:35:00.003-04:00

...never consider their online paper trail. Most people never delete their livejournals.

In an outburst of pure, unadulterated curiosity, I fired up ye olde browser, and surfed the livejournals of a few people I knew in high school. They hadn't been updated since 2006, at the most recent, and with one exception, did not really reflect the people as I knew them now. And of course, the exception was a singular entry written about how much the person had changed in the span of two years.

I'm not sure what people think of looking back. I look back a lot, because I've lived a very interesting life, and having record of that is, well, interesting. Of course, I deleted my livejournal. I can't say I regret that, but at the same time...

Sometimes I think it would have been interesting to read. I was such a different person in high school.

Speaking of different people...
For some reason, we watched this motivational-esque video at the end of our safety training. A lot of heartwarming bullshit, but one thing came up about setting goals. So, I'm going to set hard and fast goals. They may be hell to get to, but that's the point.

I will publish a novel.

That is my goal for right now. And damn it, I'm going to make it happen. Because aiming really fucking high is probably the only way I'm going to stop dilly-dallying and write something already. I've written probably 750+ words about writing, why don't I just write something?

On writing

2008-07-22T20:36:00.002-04:00

The most important thing I've read recently about writing is that any writer practices by writing. Not writing anything in particular, just writing. I've never felt particularly great about this. I write, and write a fair amount, but am generally more likely to brush off writing that I do as 'blogging', or being self-indulgent journal entries, or whatever else. In reality, especially as I wrestle with story ideas in my head, I need to get off my 'literary' high horse and just write more. At some point, more ideas need to go on paper (disk, memory, whatever) and out of my head. Especially as I'm realizing the potential of my ideas. I'm also realizing the potential of my other ideas, even ones I'd canned as being too simplistic or contrived. My goal is to tell a story. If I think I'm going to come up with something that has absolutely 100% never been done before, I'm kidding myself.

They do say 'write what you know'. That's why I'm excited about this story idea. It's things I truly know, combined with the best things out of my 'too good to be made up' file. I need to figure out the mood for the story...though logically, I need to figure out what the plot is first. Half of it will write itself...based on both my own recollection and the reactions of characters in the other half. All in all, it should be very interesting.

Another interesting thing I read said that you can never trust close family members or friends for editorial criticism. That's very true, as I've realized my friends seem to gush over anything I've written, regardless of how shitty it is. I think I'd make an exception for my father though, who has been my editor for school papers since I was 9, and who can accurately and brutally critique writing without making me hate it (though I will forever loathe the term gobbledy-gook because of him).

Aaron wins at AWKWARD.

2008-07-14T21:11:00.002-04:00

In related news, I hate phones.

Sometimes, as I'm seeing, you can't let an opportunity slip by. I've been letting this story idea percolate in my head, and slowly but surely, my enthusiasm has waned significantly. This always seems to happen. On the plus side, I still like the idea. However, that does me little good when I have much less motivation to write it. Oh well.
Strike when the iron is hot, so they say. Writing, like many things, is something where you have to get over the initial hump to really get into the good stuff.

I still feel like I want to write about something I can relate to. However, my life is boring, no one wants to read a novel about cars, and I feel more like writing about roleplaying than writing on subject matter that would belong in a game. Though, that last sentence gave me a perverse idea for a story. This one's very vague, will need some serious flesh.

Back in a few. (hours? days? weeks? who knows?)

48 Hours

2008-07-13T17:58:00.002-04:00

This weekend was crazy. Lots of cool shit happened. I'd say more, but that's probably self-incriminating (heh heh heh).

Three more weeks. And one opportunity to make them really count, in ways I didn't think possible until this weekend.

More on this

2008-07-07T18:08:00.002-04:00

Once you have gamed the system, and done all of the necessary quests to get your magic boots and your divine steed. Once you’ve reached the top level and have nowhere to go. Once you become bored enough to just stop playing, they may begin to realize that the point of RPGs wasn’t just to kill things and take their stuff, it was the storytelling and the friends that they made that mattered. No MMO has ever held the possibilities of those little paper books. Until an MMO does, which will probably occur in my lifetime, abandoning the market and making the games harder to play is probably in everyone’s worst interests. That hasn’t stopped them though. I mentioned to a friend that 4e reminded me of Second Edition, and he commented back that it reminded him of Chanmail. I don’t think we need D&D to be a tactical wargame, but it is.

-Ross Winn

I like Ross Winn. His column on RPGNet is interesting, and he wrote material for Cyberpunk 2020, which makes him awesome. He seems to share my opinion on 4e. I play roleplaying games to tell stories, and to build characters. If I wanted to kill monsters, I have several computer games to choose from.
Speaking of telling stories, I'm considering starting to write one. It'll probably be long, possibly even novel-length, but I'm not sure. My plan is to set the story in Dubai, mostly because of the city's rich and interesting social dynamic, as well as it being the perfect place to set a modern-day cyberpunk story. I'm still brainstorming on details, but this is the first time fiction writing has excited me in a long time.

The adventure continues

2008-07-05T14:52:00.003-04:00

Hopefully, only one or two more days without regular internet access.

White Sox game tonight. Should be interesting, I've never been in a skybox before.

Ever get that feeling people are talking about you? I guess I should rephrase that. Have you ever heard or read something someone said or wrote, and thought it was about you, though you had no way to be sure? If I'm wrong, I should stop being so paranoid. If I'm right, I guess I have a reason to be ticked, because someone isn't being forthcoming with me about what they actually think.

Forthcoming...that's what my boss said I need to be more of. I need to me more willing to offer my opinions without prompting, and say what's on my mind. This was meant primarily in a professional sense, in terms of being an engineer, but he indicated examples in social situations, and was right to say it was something I should think about.

More on leaving the comfort zone.

The 4th was cool, saw fireworks, went to a barbecue. Nice.

Oh yeah, that little detail

2008-07-01T18:31:00.001-04:00

So, my internet access has been cut off for this week because of my incessant love of bandwidth. So, if you want to get in touch with me, my phone would be the best way. I don't think people who don't have my number would want to get in touch with me, but if this is the case, ask one of our mutual friends who does have my number. It's the best suggestion I have, honestly. If they get weirded out and think you're stalking me, show them this blog page. I'm sure they'll understand.