Retrospect

Things are really crazy right now. Tomorrow I have a calc exam, my last non-final of the year (except RPC, but that's during finals).
And, tomorrow is the 20th anniversary of Chernobyl.
More important, tomorrow is the 19th anniversary of me.
I was talking to my mom, and I blithely said offhand that 19 is the first year you've been an adult, and is therefore the first year where you actually start getting old. My mom, 35 year head start and all, dismissed this. Apparently you don't start getting old til 25, though all the people I've heard complaining about feeling old haven't gone much further than 22.
Now that I think about it, it's really weird that the majority of the people I seem to hang out with are 20 or older. It's not a weird thing, it just feels really different, and really weird.
19 isn't exactly an age with a landmark to it. I mean, 16 and 18 are obvious, and for me at least, I got a car for my 17th birthday. But 19 is weird. It's the first year where it feels that, instead of growing up, you're grown up. Whether or not this is true, it definitely seems that society has acknowledged your adulthood and told you to go take advantage of it, to go to college, to get a job, to become a functional member of society. And this first year of college has made me realize that, even if I'm not noticing it, I'm being slid into adult society. By the time I graduate, I'll have a job, sign a lease somewhere, buy a car, and go about life. And though I'll be glad I'm not in classes anymore, I'll still just be going through the routine presented to me. And since this year has begun, the routine has been mine and mine alone. I am no longer living in a house with parental supervision. I am no longer restricted by a secondary set of rules adjudicated by someone other than myself. It is a credit to my parents how much of what they set before me I have adopted for myself, but that was my choice to make.
As this year and the three after it continue, it will become painfully clear exactly how much has been placed on my shoulders. I'm not saying I'll mind. It's just that I've never thought about it, and when I do now, I realize that the heaviest stones of the load I'll bear are already there. In reality, I've jumped the biggest hurdle already.
19 seems to be quite insignificant. It is the first year of adolescence when you stop noticing the difference...and the last year of adolescence. I have one more year where I'm just a surly teenager, and then a good ten of being a confused twenty-something. Ah, life.