Self-Medicating

Painkiller - Freestylers feat. Pendulum and SirReal

see we work hard
play hard
man i gotta stay charged
can't sleep
tired out
trouble on my radar
running round live wire
had another red bull
everybody running baby
let me come and get a pull
isn't it incredibile
that i'm even still awake
still alive
still i take
poison that rebilitates
fuck a little line
we can go ahead and kill a case
living in a killer state
maybe thats a good excuse
see me taking shots at the bar
like i'm bullet proof
now my belly full of juice
i'm walking everyday
wiv a bruised lip
battered eye
beat up state liver..

i'm reaching in my cupboard for a painkiller uh uh uh
i need another painkiller
reachin in my cupboed for a painkiller uh uh uh
i need another painkiller
they call it painkiller
let it go
painkiller uh uh uh
i need another painkiller
reaching in my cupboard for a painkiller uh uh uh
i need another painkiller
they call it painkiller
let it go


now we live fast
die young
wish i'd never tried none
saturated chemical
but i dont wanna die mum
maybe you could try some
no point wasting it
first there was a little bit
but now i got my face in it
run around chasing it
everything is so hot
everybody screw faced
looking like so what
pressure and it won't stop
pushing up my heart rate
arguments and attitude
mate you don't wanna stop me
listen bruva cant wait
now i gotta close this
woke up shivvering
and swimming in my own piss
its just my own risk
a real brain splitter

i'm reaching in my cupboard for a painkiller uh uh uh
i need another painkiller
reachin in my cupboed for a painkiller uh uh uh
i need another painkiller
they call it painkiller
let it go
painkiller uh uh uh
i need another painkiller
reaching in my cupboard for a painkiller uh uh uh
i need another painkiller
they call it painkiller
let it go

Driving Nowhere

By Helmet:

Confront the daily setbacks
All the lows and highs
With anesthetic means I'm
Fit to socialize
Driving nowhere fast
Accelerate to pass
Now I've got time to kill at last
Bombing hometowns I can
Watch it free from harm
United Arab Emirates
Still keep the gas in my car
Driving nowhere fast
Accelerate to pass
Now I've got time to kill at last
Keep the gas in my car
Let me go far
I'm driving nowhere fast
Accelerate to pass
Now I've got time to kill at last

Last night was...overwhelming. See last post. Greek Sing and classes would be easier without everything else flying in my mind. How do I tell you this...

This is totally my theme song

Faster, by Tub Ring

And I Believe That Before You Die
You Get A Fraction Of A Second
To Explore Yourself

And In My Life
I've Always Wanted Much More
So In My Time To Explore
I'll Need Much More

Traffic Is The Enemy
Traffic Is The Enemy
Traffic Is The Enemy
Traffic Is The Enemy

One Hundred And Eighty Six Thousand
Two Hundred And Eighty Two Miles Per Second

To Live Longer
In The Subatomic Sense
I Must Drive Even Faster
Must Run Even Faster

Time Will Cease
The Closer I Get And
On The Shoulders Of Gods
I'll Surpass Regret

It Doesn't Matter How
Minute The Change
Because My Mind Is Smaller
And My Body Is Smaller

At Those Speeds
Time Is Relative And
The More I Understand
The Longer I'll Live

And I believe that the key is found
Inside my car

Traffic Is The Enemy
Traffic Is The Enemy
Traffic Is The Enemy
Traffic Is The Enemy

One Hundred And Eighty Six Thousand
Two Hundred And Eighty Two Miles Per Second

To Live Longer
In The Subatomic Sense
I Must Drive Even Faster
Must Run Even Faster

Time Will Cease
The Closer I Get And
On The Shoulders Of Gods
I'll Surpass Regret

It Doesn't Matter How
Minute The Change
Because My Mind Is Smaller
And My Body Is Smaller

At Those Speeds
Time Is Relative And
The More I Understand
The Longer I'll Live

I Must Go Faster

To Live Longer
In The Subatomic Sense
I Must Drive Even Faster
Must Run Even Faster

Time Will Cease
The Closer I Get And
On The Shoulders Of Gods
I'll Surpass Regret

It Doesn't Matter How
Minute The Change
Because My Mind Is Smaller
And My Body Is Smaller

At Those Speeds
Time Is Relative And
The More I Understand
The Longer I'll Live

Verta Ja Lihaa - Turmion Kätilöt

Naaras, rakasta
Minua ja tt lihaa
Ilman vihaa

Kaksin, voimme olla
Sin, minun alla
Min, sinun pll
Yksin, min

Rovioon astelkaa
Huutaa sielu ja raapii kynet
Voi kuinka se vihaa
Verta ja lihaa

Raakaa, riestata
Rasvaa, rakkautta
Teknologinen mielen raiskaus
Sairaan kansan diktatuuri
Maailma on bordelli

Rautaa on uros tuo
Ruhonsa vie naaraan luo
Polttaa vaimon ja talon
Oksentaa lattialle ja nauraa maailmanrauhalle

Finnish Industrial Metal.
Hell Yes.

Revolve - The Melvins

Freedom on like stems from walk away.
You gotta hold your time,
You gotta hit it with the right of way.
Maybe black too far for any like the one seen.
In a way it's sane,
Either way it's gotta mean.
Red sister might be chokin'
But I ain't about that kind.
Answer me with the rhythm of a body that was born to lose two times.

Hey big Bodie
He says deny but your for tin lie.
Head my shoulder
Big boat deloves, big boat deny.

They might try to hide
But they have to have some more dead sense.
You might be right
Like a ball in the wind.
Poison dandy lifeforms crime.
Mix both down cross,
Sticky pedal the line.
The flavor might be missin'
But he acts to cross that anyway.
You can bet he can diddle with the promise in the power of another day.

*Chorus*

Two of you sold my wallet.
One of you stole my tie.
Didn't you say that you're watching?
Do or die.
Venomous strange appears.
Three of you standing by.
Didn't you say that you've got it?
Watch me eye.



You see, I like posting lyrics that pertain to my life, of songs I like. I wanted to find something pertaining to relationships, and I was listening to this song (which, by the way, kicks ass). And I realized something:

What the fuck does that even mean? I don't understand what this means at all.

I'm deep. And hey, the song doesn't even use the word 'Revolve'.

Go With The Flow - Queens of the Stone Age

She said "i'll throw myself away,
They're just photos after all"
I can't make you hang around.
I can't wash you off my skin.
Outside the frame, is what we're leaving out
You won't remember anyway
I can go with the flow
I would say it doesn't matter (with the flow) matter anymore
I can go with the flow (I can go)
Do you believe it in your head?
It's so safe to play along
Little soldiers in a row
Falling in and out of love
Something sweet to throw away.
I want something good to die for
To make it beautiful to live.
I want a new mistake, lose is more than hesitate.
Do you believe it in your head?
I can go with the flow
I would say it doesn't matter (with the flow) matter anymore
I can go with the flow (I can go)
Do you believe it in your head? X3

This song is so good.

What a Horrible Night for a Curse

Comin' like a moon over the hill
Laughin', god damn, you saw
Freight train gonna come tonight
You're holdin' all the questions, tip of your tongue
Standin' on your tip toes, and a
Sun Devil and an Angel, makin' you whole
Waitin' in a raining pile of love
You're waitin' there forever, never gonna come

Comin' like a reason over the hill
Laughin', god damn, you saw a good kill
A thousand sailors couldn't make you sail
Holdin' out the rains, you know you're gonna fail
Standin' on your tip toes, and a
Sun Devil and an Angel, makin' you whole
Waitin' in a raining pile of love
You're waitin' there forever, never gonna come

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, S-U-N-D-A-Y M-O-R-N-I-N-G

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, S-U-N-D-A-Y M-O-R-N-I-N-G

I see the light that's sittin' on the eve, it's alright, it's alright
Grass comin' up on top of the street, there's gotta be somethin' underneath

I see the light that's sittin' on the eve, it's alright, it's alright
Grass comin' up on top of the street, there's gotta be somethin' underneath

Sometimes you listen to a song, and for whatever reason, you feel it really deep inside you. For whatever reason, this was that song today. It just feels...sad.

Kiss Me Deadly

I went to a party last saturday night,

I didnt get laid I got in a fight

uh huh, it aint no big thing (really?)

late for my job and the traffic was bad

had to borrow ten bucks from tavis's dad

uh huh, it aint no big thing

I went to a party last saturday night,

I told you that story and I'll be allright

uh huh, it aint no big thing

but I know what I like

I know I like dancin with you

And I know what you like,

I know you like dancin with me

kiss me once, kiss me twice

come on pretty baby kiss me deadly

kiss me once, kiss me twice

come on pretty baby kiss me deadly

had a few beers, gettin high

sittin, watchin the time go by

uh huh, it aint no big thing

nothin to eat and no tv

lookin in the mirror dont do it for me

uh huh, it aint to big thing

but I know what I like

I know I like dancin with you

and I know what you like

I know you like dancin with me

(dance with me!)

kiss me once

kiss me twice

come on pretty baby kiss me deadly

kiss me once

kiss me twice

come on pretty baby kiss me deadly

(well I know you like dancin with me)

kiss me once, kiss me twice

come on pretty baby kiss me deadly

kiss me once

kiss me twice

come on pretty baby kiss me

come on pretty baby kiss me

come on pretty baby kiss me deadly

kiss me deadly

went to a party last night

I didnt get laid

Drivin' Lamborghinis and Sippin' on Martinis

How You Feelin' - Peeping Tom

Won't you come in and let's get started
This angel's fallen, so heed my calling
The wheels are rolling, the tension's growing
So join our reverend, walk into heaven

We're driving Lamborghinis and we're sipping on martinis
We're slurping our linguinis but we're spying on bikinis
We're sowing what we're reaping and we're here to set you free and
Apocalypse is nearing, won't you tell me how you're feeling?


We're driving Lamborghinis and we're sipping on martinis
With caviar and bling-is but we're spying on bikinis
And if that isn't good enough, we're here to set you free
Apocalypse is nearing won't you tell me how your feeling?

Apocalypse is nearing
So tell me how you feeling?
Yeah, I can hear you screaming
Oh, tell me how you feeling?
Apocalypse is nearing
So tell me how you feeling?
You're kicking and screaming
Oh, tell me how you feeling?

Kicking the cloud ... and the rain is pouring
And I don't know what's worse
Sitting here or at the back of the hearse
Upon accused
... pigeons summon
The gods are killing the...
...number twos and one
I wasn't chosen for this...
And my condolences, son
This isn't fun for anyone
Please ignore the pain and say amen

This song is stuck in my head right now. It is really catchy. Blingy rap by a righteous white dude.

Elliott Smith - Say Yes

I'm in love with the world through the eyes of a girl
Who's still around the morning after
We broke up a month ago and I grew up I didn't know
I'd be around the morning after
It's always been wait and see
A happy day and then you pay
And feel like shit the morning after
But now I feel changed around and instead of falling down
I'm standing up the morning after
Situations get fucked up and turned around sooner or later
And I could be another fool or an exception to the rule
You tell me the morning after
Crooked spin can't come to rest
I'm damaged bad at best
She'll decide what she wants
I'll probably be the last to know
No one says until it shows and you see how it is
They want you or they don't
Say yes
I'm in love with the world through the eyes of a girl
Who's still around the morning after


Sometimes these songs are too perfect.

My total ska-metal theme song

Dog Fashion Disco - Siddhis

Beyond myself I perceive my own ability
And through these wormholes
I’ve searched inside and out of me
I’m not exactly what I’d like to be
So I suffocate my siddhis
Gain momentum once again
Tell myself don’t ever let them drag you down

I come to realize that flesh and bone is meaningless
When all your feeling inside is constant emptiness
I’m not exactly what I’d like to be
So I suffocate my siddhis
Gain momentum once again
Tell myself don’t ever let them drag you down

I’ll take the pain and wish you all away
I’ll take the blame and wish you all away

I don't know why this is such a good theme song for me at this point in my life, but it truly, truly is.

Lyrically, the best song ever

Dead Kennedys - Too Drunk To Fuck

Went to a party
I danced all night
I drank 16 beers
And I started up a fight

But now I am jaded
You're out of luck
I'm rolling down the stairs
Too drunk to fuck

Too drunk to fuck
Too drunk to fuck
Too drunk, to fuck
I'm too drunk, too drunk, too drunk
To fuck

I like your stories
I love your gun
Shooting out truck tires
Sounds like loads and loads of fun

But in my room
Wish you were dead
You ball like the baby
In Eraserhead

Too drunk to fuck
Too drunk to fuck
Too drunk, to fuck
It's all I need right now
Too drunk to fuck

Too drunk to fuck
Too drunk to fuck
Too drunk, to fuck
I'm sick soft gooey and cold
Too drunk to fuck

I'm about to drop
My head's a mess
The only salvation is
I'll never see you again

You give me head
It makes it worse
Take out your fuckin' retainer
Put it in your purse

I'm too drunk to fuck
You're to drunk to fuck
Too drunk to fuck
It's all I need right now Oh baby
I'm melting like an ice cream bar
Oh baby

And now I got diarrhea
Too drunk to fuck

Me and my brother used to speed through Concord in the Celica, windows down, blasting this song and singing along. The one time we blitzed the center, I could have sworn we were going to get pulled over, from the looks we got. Oh MAN.

Mike Patton has my brain in a jar in San Jose

Mr. Bungle - My Ass is On Fire

Impotence
Boomerang
I'll stab you

Clumps of hair
In the sink
Who's hiding
Things from me?

You knew all along, goddammit
But you wouldn't tell me
Well, look at you now

It's not funny, my ass is on fire
Paraplegic, inhuman liar

Carve a smile
On your face
Everything's great
Suffocate

It's beyond my control...I'm coming!

Boo
Redundant...
Boring

Clutch - Wishbone

For Thanksgiving we had 'tatas,
succotash and rudebagas.
Then came turkey from the oven.
Broke the wishbone.
Covenants were sealed and set.

On the losing end of a wishbone,
and I won't pretend not to mind.
On the losing end of a wishbone,
and I won't pretend not to mind.

Christmas Eve we ate at Aunty's.
We had some ham glazed with honey.
Rolled the Yule log on the fire.
Threw the hambone to the dogs and went to bed.

On the losing end of a wishbone,
and I won't pretend not to mind.
On the losing end of a wishbone,
and I won't pretend not to mind.

In the morning the weathercock was heard
asking what he had learned of the Earth.

This is the hardest rocking song ever written about eating dinner. Ever.

Clutch - Promoter

Warmed up my motor, swindled the promoter
Took a lunatic for a ride
And a little voice said inside my head
Rosemary baby, I got the thyme

Suffering madness and the Pharoah’s plague
I, Akhenaten tell you some other day
No thank you, that’s enough for me
A little bit of Ritalin goes a long way

Ready to rock if you want to roll
Please step away from the vehicle
Ragnarock and revolutionize
Gimme just a minute while I clarify

Cooled down my temper, tried to remember
What it was I wasn’t to lose
And I probably could were it not for
The beer and the broads and the broads and the booze.

Hooked on stupid, and the whole shebang
I never have ever felt the same
No thank you, that’s enough for me
That’s prozacly not what I need

Ready to rock if you want to roll
Please step away from the vehicle
Ragnarock and revolutionize
Gimme just a minute while I clarify

VNV Nation - Beloved

it's colder than before
the seasons took all they had come for
now winter dances here
it seems so fitting don't you think?
to dress the ground in white
and grey

it's so quiet I can hear
my thoughts touching every second
that I spent waiting for you
circumstances afford me
no second chance to tell you
how much I've missed you

my beloved do you know
when the warm wind comes again
another year will start to pass
and please don't ask me why I'm here
something deeper brought me
than a need to remember

we were once young and blessed with wings
no heights could keeps us from their reach
no sacred place we did not soar
still greater things burned within us
I don't regret the choices that I've made
I know you feel the same

my beloved do you know
how many times I stared at clouds
thinking that I saw you there
these are feelings that do not pass so easily
I can't forget what we claimed was ours

moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
no pain remains, no feeling
eternity awaits
grant me wings that I might fly
my restless soul is longing
no pain remains, no feeling
eternity awaits

The music community can be very divisive on electronic music, and even I have not entirely grasped the subtle distinctions between some of these subgenres (so apparently Front 242 is both industrial and EBM...). But these guys are so fuckin' awesome. I love their music.

Gym Class Heroes - Cupids Chokehold

The Papercut Chronicles
feat. Patrick Stump of Fall Out Boy
Ba ba da da
Ba ba da da
Ba ba da da
Ba ba da da
Ba ba da da

Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one i got ba ba da da
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot ba ba da da, ba ba da da

It's been some time since we last spoke
This is gonna sound like a bad joke
But momma i fell in love again
It's safe to say i have a new girlfriend

And i know it sounds so old
But cupid got me in a chokehold
And i'm afraid i might give in
Towels on the mat my white flag is wavin'

I mean she even cooks me pancakes
And alka seltzer when my tummy aches
If that ain't love then i don't know what love is

We even got a secret handshake
And she loves the music that my band makes
I know i'm young but if i had to choose her or the sun
I'd be one nocturnal son of a gun

ba ba da da, ba ba da da

Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one i got ba ba da da
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot ba ba da da, ba ba da da

Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one i got ba ba da da
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot ba ba da da, ba ba da da

It's been awhile since we talked last and i'm tryin' hard not to talk fast
But dad i'm finally thinkin' i may have found the one
Type of girl that will make you way proud of your son

And i know you heard the last song about the girls that didn't last long
But i promise this is on a whole new plane
I can tell by the way she says my name ba ba da da

I love the way she calls my phone
She even got her very own ringtone
If that ain't love then i don't know what love is ba ba da da

It's gonna be a long drive home but i know as soon as i arrive home
And i open the door take off my coat and throw my bag on the floor
She'll be back in my arms into my arms once more for sure

Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one i got ba ba da da
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot ba ba da da, ba ba da da

She's got a smile that would make the most senile
Annoying old man bite his tongue
I'm not done
She's got eyes comparable to sunrise
And it doesn't stop there
Man i swear
She's got porcelain skin of course she's a ten
And now she's even got her own song
But movin' on
She's got the cutest laugh i ever heard
And we can be on the phone for three hours
Not sayin' one word
And i would still cherish every moment
And when i start to build my future she's the main component
Call it dumb call it luck call it love or whatever you call it but
Everywhere i go i keep her picture in my wallet like you

Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one i got ba ba da da
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot ba ba da da, ba ba da da

Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one i got ba ba da da
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot ba ba da da, ba ba da da

My second indie rap find after Automato: The Gym Class Heroes. Check them out.

Mercury

Clutch - Mercury

Daedalus, your child is falling and the Labyrinth is calling.

Renegade heaps, humanity abandoned.
Bower of the vowels, you lit them and fanned them.
Mercury, the courier, celestial messenger
Bed with Dawn, your bride.
Arrowhead of Diane, pierce the mind of a man,
Tongueless muse of time


Clutch is excellent. Every song I listen to makes me like them more and more.

The girls are crying, and the boys are masturbating

So yeah, for one reason or another, I stopped writing poetry around junior year of high school. Maybe I didn't have time, maybe I didn't have anything to write about (bullshit). I want to try to get back into it. I feel now that some things were left wide open, in some cases because I want to get back to them, in others because I didn't want to waste the emotional energy necessary to fully close them. Whatever. I have a few nice little verse-isms floating around, and I bet someone will know what this is as soon as they read it.

One little piece in the box
And those were your words
It was like the best possible thing
The one that was designed so that it could never ever last
And I knew it
I silently denied
When you said forever
A little leaf of dishonesty swept up in a slipstream
There was no how, just when
I left
My old life stored away in a walk-in closet at home
And even after I had continued to pretend
I knew you were a little piece in my box of old memories
But memories persist, they never cease to exist
Though I've kissed new pairs of lips
And hugged new pairs of hips
Certain things always remain
I came home
And found my box of old self
Unmolested by that which overwhelmed me, it lay
And I knew which little piece was on top.

I was inspired by a very random quote on someone's livejournal, talking about finding a little piece for the box they were going to send. The metaphor kind of built itself from there.
If anything, it's about turmoil. It's not about going backwards, it's about the turmoil when you dwell, and knowing that, though I move forward, certain things will always be in your mind in some ways. Certain things will always make a very deep impression, and as much as they have affected your life, it is simply another part of life to know when things are to be left behind. I apparently hurt someone before by saying it, but I still believe it's true. It doesn't mean you aren't affected by the transition, but it's a transition, not a trauma. And it goes by.
Things have changed rapidly, but I couldn't be happier with where they are now. Being home makes me feel like I'm in stasis again, so passive among everything else. I guess the word is homesick, but this "home" I'm at now isn't where I want to go back to.
Poetry is truer to emotion than prose is. It shows pretty indicatively how I feel about certain things. And it's hard, knowing that some things are completely disconnected, by distance, by lack of communication. I couldn't tell you how I feel about certain things, being so far removed from them. It's another reason I don't particularly like being "home".

Sent out an e-mail about PBP. Hopefully will get some responses by Monday.