The End

Well, I just graduated from college. Woo.

On that note, this will be the last post on this blog. It covers my four years of college, and for organizational reasons, I think that's it. And besides, you won't be able to get anymore of a "college student's bullshit" if I'm not a college student, right?

I'm starting a new blog eventually, but before I do, I'm going to want to think about the nature of the content involved, and maybe actually try to get readers. So, if you are one of the unfortunate souls who wandered onto this page, maybe you could leave a comment as to what I could write that you'd actually like to read.

It's been fun, but I guess there's a real world out there now.

College in Review

Today (it's after midnight) is the last day of finals for Carnegie Mellon. I've been done since Friday, but since I've spent most of the intervening time being roughly as active as a bump on a log, now seemed like a decent time to write this entry. As far as any metric I know, college is over. I graduate on Sunday, and then continue my attempts to secure entry into the real world. In the past four years, I've learned a lot. Talking about boundary layers or moments of inertia here would fill up space, but even from an academic perspective that isn't what's important. I've changed the way I think, and that's exactly what CMU wants out of its engineers. I've also learned some important things about life:

Stop compromising.
There are only so many hours in a day, only so many days in a week. You're given things you have to get done, and there are things you want to get done. Once you know how to manage your time, you should know how long everything you want to do takes, and schedule accordingly. Some things, believe it or not, you can always make time for. Anyone who has given up on an exercise schedule, had a relationship suffer, or otherwise did poorly during a very busy time did so because they either weren't realistic with their time or they made compromises that compromised the things that were important to them. Example: I started running last semester, and nothing got in my way. I missed two runs this past semester, both during the busiest events of the semester, Carnival and Greek Sing. Other than that, it was 6 days a week, every week, wind, snow, sleet, or rain.

Girls are Crazy.
People say this, and it's true. To be fair, boys are crazy too, but having been one for the last 22 years, I know how to deal with it better. If I've learned anything during college, it's that as soon you think someone isn't crazy, you're in for trouble. For me, the "One that Got Away" was a girl who I knew was nuts the moment I met her. Damn I should have been a bit more impulsive.

Get Out While You Still Can.
I didn't learn this in time for my grades to reflect it, but at a certain point, you need to know when you can't catch up. I mean, if you don't succeed at first, try again later. I also screwed this up in relationships...though there it's harder to realize when you're dealing with codependence, social suicide, or other relationship issues, especially if you think the relationship is the only thing getting you laid.

Forgive.
Living in a fraternity, this one's key. People will do stupid shit. If you want people to get over the stupid shit you do, you need to get over the stupid shit they do. I found just this semester that my being able to forgive one of my brothers allowed to me to continue hanging out with a really cool guy instead of thinking he was a jackass and getting the same back.

You're Wrong, or, What's the Big Deal.
There's always one guy who will insist on being right. You can say something flippantly and he'll correct you. Well, he's an asshole. See above. But please, don't be that guy. We don't care, you're wrong anyway, and believe it or not, people may hold it against you more for being right than for being wrong every once in a while.

Do it.
If someone asks you to do something and you can't think of a good reason not to right then and there, do it. It'll either be helpful to them, or a good experience for you. It may, as it did in my case, get you on youtube.

Screw up.
Similar to 'You're Wrong', everyone makes mistakes. This isn't bad, it's how you learn. Don't be afraid of doing things because you might do them wrong. And remember, you only suck as much as you say you do, so don't shoot yourself in the foot with pessimism before you even try.

Graduation in 5 days. Watch this space for what happens next.

I am completely done with undergraduate coursework

So what the hell do I do now?

Self-Medicating

Painkiller - Freestylers feat. Pendulum and SirReal

see we work hard
play hard
man i gotta stay charged
can't sleep
tired out
trouble on my radar
running round live wire
had another red bull
everybody running baby
let me come and get a pull
isn't it incredibile
that i'm even still awake
still alive
still i take
poison that rebilitates
fuck a little line
we can go ahead and kill a case
living in a killer state
maybe thats a good excuse
see me taking shots at the bar
like i'm bullet proof
now my belly full of juice
i'm walking everyday
wiv a bruised lip
battered eye
beat up state liver..

i'm reaching in my cupboard for a painkiller uh uh uh
i need another painkiller
reachin in my cupboed for a painkiller uh uh uh
i need another painkiller
they call it painkiller
let it go
painkiller uh uh uh
i need another painkiller
reaching in my cupboard for a painkiller uh uh uh
i need another painkiller
they call it painkiller
let it go


now we live fast
die young
wish i'd never tried none
saturated chemical
but i dont wanna die mum
maybe you could try some
no point wasting it
first there was a little bit
but now i got my face in it
run around chasing it
everything is so hot
everybody screw faced
looking like so what
pressure and it won't stop
pushing up my heart rate
arguments and attitude
mate you don't wanna stop me
listen bruva cant wait
now i gotta close this
woke up shivvering
and swimming in my own piss
its just my own risk
a real brain splitter

i'm reaching in my cupboard for a painkiller uh uh uh
i need another painkiller
reachin in my cupboed for a painkiller uh uh uh
i need another painkiller
they call it painkiller
let it go
painkiller uh uh uh
i need another painkiller
reaching in my cupboard for a painkiller uh uh uh
i need another painkiller
they call it painkiller
let it go

Don't Stop - Innerpartysystem

This is one of the best car videos I've seen.

Music is post title. Really cool stuff.

Adventures in used American Vehicles

(11:21:26 PM) Dexter: mmm
(11:21:31 PM) Dexter: I smell like burnt car
(11:21:47 PM) Aaron: that's kind of what happens when your car catches on fire
(11:21:50 PM) Dexter: yeah
(11:21:58 PM) Dexter: I hear that this smell is hard to get out

'Nuff said.

Webcomics and their unnerving accuracy

So this may be why I haven't gotten any writing done

Oh, Sinfest.

Carnival: Over

And it was a very successful one. 2nd place booth, 2:21 buggy time, as well as Chairman's Choice. Awesome.

But now, things are winding down. I have final papers to work through, but they aren't unmanageable. I have a final, but that won't be too bad. All in all, I'm so close to being done.

I have some ideas for the summer. I may try my hand at some freelancing. I'm a good writer, and have a decent range of experience with technical work, as well as semi-creative copy. There's some site online where I can try my hand at this...make a few bucks of beer money, who knows. It'll help pass the time while I continue my job search.

The job search isn't going badly...I'd say I'm at about a 50-50 chance of having something before graduation, and maybe 75% chance of having something by summer's end if I maintain my search rate. I know recruiting season is ending, but I'm going to be persistent. I'm also expanding my options, and seeing if maybe I can join a rock band instead of getting a real job. Ha ha.

I like being close. It actually seems in reach now.

I've been typecast

Rough cut of a friend's film project

Fucking awesome, but just proves I've been typecast as a nerd. Probably the only film in which I fire a rocket launcher, though.

Nocturnal?

This weekend has had me with the most fucked up sleep schedule ever. Despite that, I feel like I came out better than I went in.

Formal was Saturday night. I had a lot of fun, and was very glad I went, despite the angst that front-loaded the process.
For that and other reasons, I was up until 4 last night, slept two hours before buggy, then went back to bed at 10am and woke up around 4:30pm. Hence the post name. Going to bed tonight may be very difficult...but after suffering through tomorrow, I think I'll be back on track. At least until buggy next week.

Other things...
Saw Fast and Furious with Dexter. There were some entertaining bits, and some very pretty cars. Don't get me wrong, though: the movie was terrible.

Started rereading Neuromancer for my 'hardboiled' English class. Reading it again, with a better critical eye and more patience than my 9th grade self has led me to the conclusion that the novel is indeed brilliant, and deserving of all the praise it got. Damn Gibson needed to learn how to write scene transitions, but if you give it the patience it needs, the story and the twists and the characters are all sublime.

Webcomics in a nutshell

From "Least I Could Do"

Yeah.

You just figured this out?

I don't have much time left.
So what should I do?
Should I put up with as much uncertainty as I am? I really don't know if it's worth it...and God only knows where I'm going to be when I get a job, so why would I be stupid enough to think anything would last past May? Then again...should I care if things are good now? Are things good now? I don't even know.
It's that time of the year, crisis time. I don't really feel like I'm doing anything worthwhile, and I don't exactly know how to change that...I think I need to lighten the fuck up, just a thought...
And at this point, I'm not dating anyone. Even if I think it feels different than that, it isn't. Not yet, at least. Though at this rate...

On top of all this, I'm still in school. I need to do laundry. I've run out of soap. And I may be bipolar sleep deprived and addicted to caffeine. Life is fun.

EDIT: Yeah, after a decent night of unconsciousness, I think my sleep schedule is to blame for aggravating otherwise normal mood swings. This'll be fun, I don't think it'll return to normal for another three weeks.

And as always, rant rant ranty rant rant rant. Serious this probably is not.

I knew they were out there somewhere...

Images from the MSI show on Flickr.

To whom it may concern

If you didn't guess, yeah, there was a bit of chaos. But in the end, I think it's all good. I'm not taking anything too seriously.

Emphasis: not too seriously. It's all fun and games.

Until someone gets hurt. But that's your side, not mine.

EDIT: I removed the first section of the post. With a clear head, I can honestly say it's a bad idea to bring it up in a public forum. The idea itself...well, things would have to change.

Driving Nowhere

By Helmet:

Confront the daily setbacks
All the lows and highs
With anesthetic means I'm
Fit to socialize
Driving nowhere fast
Accelerate to pass
Now I've got time to kill at last
Bombing hometowns I can
Watch it free from harm
United Arab Emirates
Still keep the gas in my car
Driving nowhere fast
Accelerate to pass
Now I've got time to kill at last
Keep the gas in my car
Let me go far
I'm driving nowhere fast
Accelerate to pass
Now I've got time to kill at last

Last night was...overwhelming. See last post. Greek Sing and classes would be easier without everything else flying in my mind. How do I tell you this...

Karma, or, terrible timing

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH.

Formal = Very Yes

I win at life.

In conclusion

To end spring break, I went to, as I put it, a carnival of violence and human depravity. Or, more specifically, a Mindless Self Indulgence concert. Damn.

I went down to Worcester with my brother for this one. We quickly realized that the median age of the concertgoers was below my age. Well, OK, I kind of knew that. Then, we thought about it...it may have been below my brother's age. Maybe. That was scary.

Fun show though. Violent in the extreme, Jimmy seems to know only half the words to his songs, and my brother nearly lost a shoe and definitely destroyed the pair of pants he was wearing. All in all, a very successful evening.

To back up, spring break was good. I did very little, but got a lot of sleep. I did manage to get out of the house and see people and do stuff, and I'm glad I saw and did everything and everyone. Or everyone and everything. However those verbs line up.

This is totally my theme song

Faster, by Tub Ring

And I Believe That Before You Die
You Get A Fraction Of A Second
To Explore Yourself

And In My Life
I've Always Wanted Much More
So In My Time To Explore
I'll Need Much More

Traffic Is The Enemy
Traffic Is The Enemy
Traffic Is The Enemy
Traffic Is The Enemy

One Hundred And Eighty Six Thousand
Two Hundred And Eighty Two Miles Per Second

To Live Longer
In The Subatomic Sense
I Must Drive Even Faster
Must Run Even Faster

Time Will Cease
The Closer I Get And
On The Shoulders Of Gods
I'll Surpass Regret

It Doesn't Matter How
Minute The Change
Because My Mind Is Smaller
And My Body Is Smaller

At Those Speeds
Time Is Relative And
The More I Understand
The Longer I'll Live

And I believe that the key is found
Inside my car

Traffic Is The Enemy
Traffic Is The Enemy
Traffic Is The Enemy
Traffic Is The Enemy

One Hundred And Eighty Six Thousand
Two Hundred And Eighty Two Miles Per Second

To Live Longer
In The Subatomic Sense
I Must Drive Even Faster
Must Run Even Faster

Time Will Cease
The Closer I Get And
On The Shoulders Of Gods
I'll Surpass Regret

It Doesn't Matter How
Minute The Change
Because My Mind Is Smaller
And My Body Is Smaller

At Those Speeds
Time Is Relative And
The More I Understand
The Longer I'll Live

I Must Go Faster

To Live Longer
In The Subatomic Sense
I Must Drive Even Faster
Must Run Even Faster

Time Will Cease
The Closer I Get And
On The Shoulders Of Gods
I'll Surpass Regret

It Doesn't Matter How
Minute The Change
Because My Mind Is Smaller
And My Body Is Smaller

At Those Speeds
Time Is Relative And
The More I Understand
The Longer I'll Live

Spring Break. Woo...

I'm home for spring break, which is equal parts relaxing and maddening. On one hand, I've gotten around 10-12 hours of sleep each night, something I've needed, and something that will help keep my rising insanity at bay for at least a few more weeks until Carnival. On the other hand, I haven't been doing much.
Boredom seems like a ludicrous complaint for a break that's only a week long. Also, today and yesterday were the only days I really had nothing to do, as tomorrow we're celebrating my brother's birthday, Friday I go to a concert, and Thursday I theoretically have plans. But boredom can cause issues, when you're sitting alone with your thoughts for essentially two days straight.
First, I'm in a somewhat precarious position at this point in my social life, and being home exacerbates this simply because I can't really do anything. I can think about it, think about it a lot, and ultimately start worrying over nothing, but I can't act on it and nothing I do or say will prevent me from being neurotic.
Second, this is a point in my life fraught with anxiety. Mostly over the future, OK, entirely over the future. There's the very real concern of getting a job and moving into the next stage in life, the fairly real but somewhat distant concern of what life I'll have when I get there, and how I'll met people, and then the altogether ludicrous existential angst over what I'm doing with my life, the fact that I keep getting older, and why the hell am I here in the first place.
I'm 21, nearly 22. That is altogether too young to start worrying about how much time I have left on this earth. I can't very effectively worry about what I've done with my life when I have yet to know what I'm going to be doing with my life. And God forbid I worry about being married or starting a family when I'm still working on asking a girl out after getting her phone number.

It's way too early for all this shit. And maybe that should be the take away message. I'm still young enough to sit around at home for days at a time without any commitments to worry about. And even if that stage of my life will be coming to an end soon, maybe that's the sign I should enjoy it. All in all, things would probably be a lot more enjoyable if I didn't worry so much about everything.

I think I can calm down about my anxieties for at least a little while. It may help me to relax, but it doesn't help the fact that I'm here for break, no one else is, and I'm still bored as hell.