Well, I got some random memory triggers of my own, then...

For some reason, Salzburg was brought back into my head...the cheap umbrella I bought is still in my closet.
Sitting in Patrick's room, talking about God knows what...I still have the postcard he drew, somewhere among this mess.
Sitting outside with Katy, having the most unnecessary debate (that was completely hilarious in retrospect). My life in a nutshell, at that point...
I had an odd dream last night, that was like a slew of travel...hotels, and airports, and malls, and I don't even remember what the dream was about...it sort of brought in a few old dreams to bear with it too...
I remember, from just having been watching TV there about ten minutes ago, being caught in the basement...Heh. Another thing that will only ever be funny in retrospect.
The one thing flashing across my mind is how quick it all started. My most recent turn, it was the slow way...the turning and the tension of everything leading up to that one moment...and then, it happens and I go home for the summer, uncertain if anything will come of it. But I know it's the same torrent of emotion, the same intensities dragged out over longer periods of time. It'll be put away someplace for the summer, among all the other CMU worries I'm going to put away. But like everything else, it doesn't really go away. The anxiety doesn't build, there's nothing to worsen it (unless you enjoy paranoia), but it sits there...putting things on hold never really helps anything. And this brings everything full circle. Things that can be controlled, things which can not. The realization that something has been gnawing at you, getting worse. So you stop it. You cut it out, remove it, in the hopes that the loss itself, though more intense, is more temporary. And it is. And then other things happen, and you remember what all this fuss was about. And life goes on.
So what does it mean? It means everything builds. I come back around, making the same decisions, hopefully making them better. I can easily spout off extemporaneously about my continual rotations and relearning, but it's never that simple. You don't do this alone...and other people are there, people carrying differing opinions from you on your own decisions. I haven't seen many situations where a breakup was reached by consensus (have seen it happen, if you'll believe that), so inevitably, yeah. I won't dwell. I'm in a whole other set of chaos, with a whole different cast of characters.
Heh. This has taken an odd and long turn. I guess when I think through memory, I hardly get something random. I remember three distinct moments, in very different contexts, each bringing with it the same upswelling of positive emotion and energy. One was on the Hill, at night, one was in my room, in the morning, and the third was in a hotel corridor, when I was still too jet lagged to tell you exactly what time it was.
Guess these things do have a way of somehow continuing. Even though during each one, you could never possibly imagine one with anyone else.
They're all like dreams...some are condensed into one brief moment, or a few short interludes...others you feel like you've lived months in maybe 2 or 3 hours. Some you remember everything, some you only hope you could forget. Some are the strangest things you've ever seen, but some make absolute perfect sense.

This is the kind of thing where any idiot could tell me I've gone on way too long about feathery bullshit. Well, that's me, sober, on a Friday night. Still miss you, Carnegie Mellon.