To whom it may concern

If you didn't guess, yeah, there was a bit of chaos. But in the end, I think it's all good. I'm not taking anything too seriously.

Emphasis: not too seriously. It's all fun and games.

Until someone gets hurt. But that's your side, not mine.

EDIT: I removed the first section of the post. With a clear head, I can honestly say it's a bad idea to bring it up in a public forum. The idea itself...well, things would have to change.

Driving Nowhere

By Helmet:

Confront the daily setbacks
All the lows and highs
With anesthetic means I'm
Fit to socialize
Driving nowhere fast
Accelerate to pass
Now I've got time to kill at last
Bombing hometowns I can
Watch it free from harm
United Arab Emirates
Still keep the gas in my car
Driving nowhere fast
Accelerate to pass
Now I've got time to kill at last
Keep the gas in my car
Let me go far
I'm driving nowhere fast
Accelerate to pass
Now I've got time to kill at last

Last night was...overwhelming. See last post. Greek Sing and classes would be easier without everything else flying in my mind. How do I tell you this...

Karma, or, terrible timing

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH.

Formal = Very Yes

I win at life.

In conclusion

To end spring break, I went to, as I put it, a carnival of violence and human depravity. Or, more specifically, a Mindless Self Indulgence concert. Damn.

I went down to Worcester with my brother for this one. We quickly realized that the median age of the concertgoers was below my age. Well, OK, I kind of knew that. Then, we thought about it...it may have been below my brother's age. Maybe. That was scary.

Fun show though. Violent in the extreme, Jimmy seems to know only half the words to his songs, and my brother nearly lost a shoe and definitely destroyed the pair of pants he was wearing. All in all, a very successful evening.

To back up, spring break was good. I did very little, but got a lot of sleep. I did manage to get out of the house and see people and do stuff, and I'm glad I saw and did everything and everyone. Or everyone and everything. However those verbs line up.

This is totally my theme song

Faster, by Tub Ring

And I Believe That Before You Die
You Get A Fraction Of A Second
To Explore Yourself

And In My Life
I've Always Wanted Much More
So In My Time To Explore
I'll Need Much More

Traffic Is The Enemy
Traffic Is The Enemy
Traffic Is The Enemy
Traffic Is The Enemy

One Hundred And Eighty Six Thousand
Two Hundred And Eighty Two Miles Per Second

To Live Longer
In The Subatomic Sense
I Must Drive Even Faster
Must Run Even Faster

Time Will Cease
The Closer I Get And
On The Shoulders Of Gods
I'll Surpass Regret

It Doesn't Matter How
Minute The Change
Because My Mind Is Smaller
And My Body Is Smaller

At Those Speeds
Time Is Relative And
The More I Understand
The Longer I'll Live

And I believe that the key is found
Inside my car

Traffic Is The Enemy
Traffic Is The Enemy
Traffic Is The Enemy
Traffic Is The Enemy

One Hundred And Eighty Six Thousand
Two Hundred And Eighty Two Miles Per Second

To Live Longer
In The Subatomic Sense
I Must Drive Even Faster
Must Run Even Faster

Time Will Cease
The Closer I Get And
On The Shoulders Of Gods
I'll Surpass Regret

It Doesn't Matter How
Minute The Change
Because My Mind Is Smaller
And My Body Is Smaller

At Those Speeds
Time Is Relative And
The More I Understand
The Longer I'll Live

I Must Go Faster

To Live Longer
In The Subatomic Sense
I Must Drive Even Faster
Must Run Even Faster

Time Will Cease
The Closer I Get And
On The Shoulders Of Gods
I'll Surpass Regret

It Doesn't Matter How
Minute The Change
Because My Mind Is Smaller
And My Body Is Smaller

At Those Speeds
Time Is Relative And
The More I Understand
The Longer I'll Live

Spring Break. Woo...

I'm home for spring break, which is equal parts relaxing and maddening. On one hand, I've gotten around 10-12 hours of sleep each night, something I've needed, and something that will help keep my rising insanity at bay for at least a few more weeks until Carnival. On the other hand, I haven't been doing much.
Boredom seems like a ludicrous complaint for a break that's only a week long. Also, today and yesterday were the only days I really had nothing to do, as tomorrow we're celebrating my brother's birthday, Friday I go to a concert, and Thursday I theoretically have plans. But boredom can cause issues, when you're sitting alone with your thoughts for essentially two days straight.
First, I'm in a somewhat precarious position at this point in my social life, and being home exacerbates this simply because I can't really do anything. I can think about it, think about it a lot, and ultimately start worrying over nothing, but I can't act on it and nothing I do or say will prevent me from being neurotic.
Second, this is a point in my life fraught with anxiety. Mostly over the future, OK, entirely over the future. There's the very real concern of getting a job and moving into the next stage in life, the fairly real but somewhat distant concern of what life I'll have when I get there, and how I'll met people, and then the altogether ludicrous existential angst over what I'm doing with my life, the fact that I keep getting older, and why the hell am I here in the first place.
I'm 21, nearly 22. That is altogether too young to start worrying about how much time I have left on this earth. I can't very effectively worry about what I've done with my life when I have yet to know what I'm going to be doing with my life. And God forbid I worry about being married or starting a family when I'm still working on asking a girl out after getting her phone number.

It's way too early for all this shit. And maybe that should be the take away message. I'm still young enough to sit around at home for days at a time without any commitments to worry about. And even if that stage of my life will be coming to an end soon, maybe that's the sign I should enjoy it. All in all, things would probably be a lot more enjoyable if I didn't worry so much about everything.

I think I can calm down about my anxieties for at least a little while. It may help me to relax, but it doesn't help the fact that I'm here for break, no one else is, and I'm still bored as hell.

DRAMA!

People can jump to conclusions very quickly. Even as you see one person after another being led to assume the same thing, you need to know exactly what's real information and what someone is just assuming. And realistically, let others know that too. Assumptions are often wrong, but if we treat them otherwise before actually knowing, real feelings get hurt.
In other news, sometimes it's better just to keep something to yourself if you everyone will jump to the same unsubstantiated conclusion. Another lesson for me to file in the "why the hell did that just happen" file.
Ran a session last night. Should be an interesting campaign, but now I need to write more. When the hell will I have time for that...maybe Spring Break. Maybe.

Fast moving

It's almost March. This semester is moving quickly.
I'm actually taking classes (contrary to what I'd want you to believe), and there's Greek Sing. I'm actually fairly busy.

And then, there's this whole graduating thing. As I'm looking for a job, and trying to figure out where I'm going to be next year, I can't help but think that I'm ready to move on, go to the next thing. Now that that seems like a reality, I start to be torn. On one hand, I am so done with classes, with my stress level, with all that bullshit. On the other hand, I know a lot of people here. I've met a lot of people this year, too, and in some ways, I wish I had met them earlier, especially the older ones who were actually here earlier. It's not like I have any control over it, but to think that I'll realistically only see these people at all for a couple more months is kind of depressing.

If there's something I should take away from this, maybe it's that I should take some more risks. I'm not going to be around for much longer, I may as well step out and make the time worthwhile. Of course, that's easier said than done.

You know you want to

This a repost from Facebook:

I want to see Mindless Self Indulgence in Worcester, MA on March 13. It is, as far as I know, an All Ages show, so that shouldn't deter anyone (like my brother, cough cough). The tickets are 19 a piece, and I'm going to want to buy them before the end of this weekend. So, does anyone want to come with me? Please let me know. I will drive, we will all rock out.