2008: The year in review

What a crazy year this has been.

I rang in 2008 halfway across the world, in Israel. I suppose it was fitting, because if any one event had the biggest impact on my year, it was Birthright. It changed my religious outlook, changed my social life, and probably was involved in one way or another in every big thing that happened to me after that.
The most significant part of my life, school, was on a good upswing. My second semester junior year and first semester senior year were two of my best semesters, grade-wise. I also took classes that began my real end of college, my big projects. And now, with only one semester left, I'm feeling the heat, so to speak.
Junior year ended with a bang. I ended a long relationship, turned 21, won a trophy (buggy, woo), and then left for Chicago at the end of May. The internship was an eye-opening experience in my life, and will probably be a very important one as I continue to search for a job.
Then, senior year started. The job search combined with that damn lab class helped ratchet up my frustration and stress level in what all other ways should have been an easy semester. Alls well that ends well, though, and breaking 3.5 for a semester GPA was the highest GPA I have thus received at CMU. If it weren't for that lab class, I would have had a 4.0.
And now, I'm here. With things changing as quickly as they have this past semester, I don't know what to expect during my last semester. I guess it's reasonable to assume more adventure of the type I started having this past semester, but that's so vague, it's hard to say it means anything. The only thing to do now is keep an open mind about everything ahead of me. College ends in five months, real life begins. What a thought.

Anathem, by Neal Stephenson

As part of my winter break, I managed to read a book. Yes, one. If it weren't for a stubborn case of sinusitis I'd probably do more, but this one's a doozy anyway. Clocking in at nearly 900 pages, Anathem continues Stephenson's tradition of writing long books. This one, I can say, is worth it.
The conceit of the novel is that, in the world it takes place in, academics are cloistered in maths, which are essentially monasteries, except for academics instead of religion. The story follows Erasmas, a brother in one of these 'maths'.
The plot in the book is engrossing, and the world is well-built, if not a little bit disturbing. A lot of parallels are drawn regarding the way academia is treated in our world, and though it is clearly nothing as extreme as the case presented in the book, it does make you ask some questions as to what Stephenson is trying to say with this.
One thing to say is that Stephenson takes setting his book in an academic cloister seriously, and there's a lot of math, a lot of philosophy, and a fair amount of quantum physics. It makes the book harder to read, yes, but if you're willing to learn along, or have a decent academic background of any sort (I'm neither a physics nor a math major, but was able to keep up with most of the abstract concepts), it will greatly improve your ability to appreciate the book. I don't think you need to be extraordinarily educated to understand things the way Stephenson presents them, but you do need to be patient enough to understand the discussions the characters have on the subjects, possibly rereading them if need be (I did do this a few times, for this and a reason outlined below).
The one thing I find a little irksome in the book was Stephenson's vocabulary, notably the words he made up. For the most part, they add to the experience, and play in heavily towards the end of the book. So, it may have been worth the effort on Stephenson's part. There are 'dictionary' entries spread throughout the text as well as a glossary in the back, though some of these are still confusing. I went through most of the book with only some feeling as to what both 'Deolater' and 'Ita' meant, and both of these terms were fairly important.
All in all, the book was quite good, and kept me hooked for the two days I spent reading it. It is worth noting that reading a 900 page book in two days is not something I normally do, but for Stephenson, I'll put in the effort. After coming out deeply satisfied with this read, it may just be worth it to try the Baroque Cycle again. Maybe.

New thinking

In the throes of my recent illness, I had some time to reconcile my personal caveats with a fantasy setting. Now I have some great ideas.

I don't want to give away too many details. That being said, the concept is the world after a cataclysm has ripped away at the fabric of the universe. In this setting, the fabric metaphor is taken a little literally.

There's the steampunk influence, the post-apocalyptic influence, there's magic, and there's some interesting religious elements. With some variations on material I've already written and some liberal usage of concepts from GURPS Thaumatology, I think it'll be both a unique and very cool setting. My plan is to write more over winter break.

My Weekend

Oh, my weekend...
Well, after classes being over on Friday, I went out with friends, then came home and slept til 11. After that, I proceeded to gather the troops for my GURPS one-shot. It went beautifully, though it took 7 hours to get everyone there (1), make characters (3) and play (3). Still, it was a lot of fun, and we're going to try and play again during finals.
After that, I went to a party with some of the group. No details there, but...

I went to sleep at 9:00 AM Sunday morning. It was epic.

Hrmm...

Friends with Detriments

This simply describes too many of the relationships I've had to ignore.

Silliness

Instructions
1. Put your iTunes on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing the same as well as the person you got the note from.

How do you feel today?
Free Stress Test - Professor Murder

What is your motto?
Dog Star Descends - Lustmord

What do your friends think of you?
Stand Up - Flobots

What do you think about very often?
Waitin for the DJ - Talib Kweli

What is 2+2?
Ashes in the Fall - Rage Against the Machine

What do you think of your best friend?
State of Emergency - Skindred (What's goin' on, all over this whole wide world...sounds about right)

What do you think of the person you like?
Like You Want - Mondo Generator

What is your life story?
Awaken - Dethklok

What do you want to be when you grow up?
I wish I had a 303 - Dave Remix

What do you think when you see the person you like?
Tribe to a Nation - Sepultura

What do your parents think of you?
Want - Disturbed (Probably why they pay for my plane tickets)

What will you dance to at your wedding?
Jesus Wrote A Blank Check - Cake

What will they play at your funeral?
Looking At You - The MC5

What is your hobby/interest?
Cow - The Melvins (Moo! Mooooooo! I do like steak)

What is your biggest secret?
Snake Appeal - The Melvins (wink wink, nudge nudge)

What do you think of your friends?
Love Her Madly - The Doors

What’s the worst thing that could happen?
Rumble - West Side Story

How will you die?
Naked and Famous - Presidents of the United States of America

What is the one thing you regret?
Work - RJD2

What makes you laugh?
Mini Mini Mini - KMFDM

What Makes You Cry?
Love is Unkind - Danko Jones

Will you ever get married?
Bomb This Track - Mindless Self Indulgence

What scares you the most?
Cannibal Song - Ministry (Not quite. I've never met a cannibal before)

Does anyone like you?
Wasted and Ready - Ben Kweller

If you could go back in time, what would you change?
The Script For My Requiem - Blind Guardian

What hurts right now?
Call Me Down - Five Horse Johnson

What will you post this as?
Abraham - Sufjan Stevens

I'm not going to tag anyone, though the three-ish people who read this can feel free to post it somewhere.

Dragging

I really just want it to be Thanksgiving, but there's a lot of work to be done before that. This lab will take up the rest of this evening and tomorrow evening, and the paper will be my whole weekend.

But after that, home. Home is an opportunity to relax for a bit, and seeing family is always nice. But right now I seem to be looking ahead...I want the semester to be over so I can get to the next one...I want the year to be over so I can graduate already. This may not be so good.

I'm wondering why it took so long to start really doing what I wanted to do, socially. I got a little start freshman year, though for reasons clear to me now, it never really got very far...
I'm not sure how I got my priorities so mixed up. At the time, everything I was doing seemed fine and good, but now that I'm going about things differently, a good year and a half seems like it was spent in a holding pattern. When now I'm meeting new people, having fun, and learning about myself, my last relationship seems like it was a holding pattern and an utter waste of time.

I know it was a learning experience, and I doubt I would have gotten to where I am now without it. But if I had been more willing to take risks and broaden my horizons, the results would probably have been better. Instead, I was trying to bring someone else up to my level, rather than pushing my own level up even further. And in the last semester, I've proven to myself that I can change myself much quicker and easier than I can ever change others.

And now, I know what I need to do, and I have so much less time left to do it in. Best to take advantage of the environment while I have it. Whenever I move on to my next big thing, I want to be sure that I really have no regrets.

Filling in Time

I have an hour right now, and I don't feel like doing work.

I've realized life will never boil down to a set of snappy sayings. That being said, it's important to take in all experiences that come to you, and use them to help form your understanding of you as a person.
I guess these are two things I try to live my life by: be open-minded, and fight for what you believe in.

On a completely different note, the correct answer to the question 'What should I do, Internet?', is 'Shut the fuck up and stop whining, nobody cares.' When you don't have a real person to talk to, your plea is worth nothing in the eyes of...well, no one. Oh well. This applies more to blog posts, on internet forums there is at least a specific group of people in the other end.

Blah.

Motivation is hard to come by these days. I think I need a break.
But, alas, another lab and a draft paper are due before Thanksgiving. Well, shit.

This weekend may help. Or, it may not. I don't really have anything planned, so we'll see what happens. On the plus side, there are a lot of possibilities.

Side note: RSS feeds are great, because then you don't have to visit a website more than once. Though that's great for having your reading habits go undetected, it's annoying for sites that have comment sections. I mean, on Jalopnik, I can't even read the comments in Thunderbird.

Music that rocks

I've been listening to Karma to Burn, a very cool stoner rock group. It's like they kick you in the face...with music.
But seriously, a good combination of aggressive rock with some interesting instrumentation and arrangement. Sweet.

Randomness b/c I feel like it

I miss the days when coming back drunk after a night of abortive revelry immediately meant a pissy, emo livejournal entry. Admittedly, this applied more to my friends than me, because it was just such entertaining reading (Ha!). I guess it's a combination of voyeurism and Schadenfreude. Clearly, I'm a terrible person. So please, to those whose blogs I read (all two of you), take more time from your busy schedules to rant. Or, point me to some ranty blogs for a good fix.
Well, I'm not drunk, and my revelry tonight was not abortive. Tonight was AEPi's pledge party, and it came together pretty well, despite my initial anxieties. I had fun, and took to heart my personal goal to not take anything too seriously. It worked, because I busted a move, or two, or sixty. It was cool.

Help, I'm a Rock!

Looking back through some blogs, I saw that at given points in the relationship, both my exes said the same thing:

I'm very stable.
...Wonderful.

See title.

Politics

Well, tomorrow's the election.
I don't really have the energy to make a political rant. The amount of ignorance out there, and the amount of negativity, it all sickens me. I just want this whole damn thing to be over, the best man for the job to win, and us to get on with our lives.
That being said, I'm voting tomorrow, and you all should too. It's the least we can do to counter the rampant and inevitable Republican voter fraud.
Did I mention I'm a pessimist?

Spread it around

Halloween is a pretty cool time to party.

Also serves as a reminder to be flexible, get out there, and let the chips fall where they may. Lots of opportunities abound, you just need to go out and find them.
Wow. I sound obnoxiously chipper.

Here We Go Again

Learned something last night:
Most things don't go away. They may get pushed to the back of your mind, they may be easy to ignore for a few weeks, but then they come back, often with renewed vigor and vengeance.
And then they haunt your dreams. In my case, literally (It was a pretty crazy dream, but I'm not going to describe it at length here). Well, now everything gets even more convoluted.

In the meanwhile, my aunt is in town for the weekend, which has been pretty cool so far. We're going to hang out more today, which should be fun.

Energy

OK, this probably as many meanings, and to a degree, everyone who'll read this will interpret it differently:

I'm going to make this year count. In the best way I can. I don't know how that'll transpire exactly, though I have a few ideas.

Incidentally:

I am so excited for Greek Sing.

He's got the Smile

This weekend has been good. My midsemester break plans never materialized, but I had an interview that went well, and last night was fun too.
Don't know what'll happen tonight, but because there's buggy tomorrow, I doubt it'll be anything big. In the meanwhile, maybe I'll do some work tomorrow. We shall see.

Mechanical Systems Experimentation

http://matlabmadness.ytmnd.com/

It's pretty much that bad.

I am Hans, und this is Franz... we are here to PUMP YOU UP

So, yeah. I've switched to a 6-day workout plan, and have now completed two weeks. I'm still tweaking it, but in two weeks, I've gained 3 pounds, and as I get the plan optimized more, I hope to have that number up further.

My goal weight right now is 160. I have 13 pounds to go to get that weight. And, just for fun...

I have a second goal weight, my 'if it's even physically possible' weight. That is 175. I don't know if I can weigh that much, nor do I know if I could possibly keep it on.

So. If I manage to gain 28 pounds by the time I graduate college, and keep it on for at least two weeks. I'll do something crazy. I'm not sure what, I'm kind of leaning towards piercing my ears. This would only count 'good' weight, so with my body type, 26 of those 28 pounds will be pure muscle.

I highly doubt this will end up happening. But hey. Aim high, right? In the interim, my workouts do something, and physically, I feel great. Even if I don't become ripped and huge, being active does wonders for my sanity and my physical health.

Tell me something I don't know, genius

A lot of shit has been happening recently. It's kind of overwhelming.

This whole future thing is very close. I'm not sure if the thought of the future worries me, or the uncertainty I have now. I want to be at a point where I have control over what I'm going to do...for the time being, all I can do is go to interviews. Interviews, after interviews, after interviews.
I have 3 more this week. Including a second round with Westinghouse...that one scares me...I really want that job.

We'll see what happens. That's all I can say for now.

Well what do you know

Isn't it great when you meet someone who's totally awesome in many different ways, the night ends, and you part ways having never gotten or given a phone number or any other sort of contact information?

Yeah...my weekend was good...

Verta Ja Lihaa - Turmion Kätilöt

Naaras, rakasta
Minua ja tt lihaa
Ilman vihaa

Kaksin, voimme olla
Sin, minun alla
Min, sinun pll
Yksin, min

Rovioon astelkaa
Huutaa sielu ja raapii kynet
Voi kuinka se vihaa
Verta ja lihaa

Raakaa, riestata
Rasvaa, rakkautta
Teknologinen mielen raiskaus
Sairaan kansan diktatuuri
Maailma on bordelli

Rautaa on uros tuo
Ruhonsa vie naaraan luo
Polttaa vaimon ja talon
Oksentaa lattialle ja nauraa maailmanrauhalle

Finnish Industrial Metal.
Hell Yes.

Bass! Bass bass bass bass bass bass bass

My bass came in.


Yes, I agree, it is totally awesome and amazing.

Happy New Year

Yup, Rosh Hashanah. New year. Time to think about how things could be different, how last year was, all those great things...
At this point in the year, I'm frustrated. Mostly frustrated with my social life, frustrated with my dating life (lack thereof), frustrated with those sorts of things. There's always a point where you can't see anything resolving, you honestly can't think of a way things will get better in the near future. And that's really disheartening.
I'm not cut out for this whole thing. I can't stand the game that gets played surrounding interactions with the opposite sex...but it seems like it's a prerequisite for getting anywhere, and that frustrates me. No one is comfortable with being honest and out there a bit, and, admittedly, I'm not either. But still...
The fact that the only way I can see myself improving with respect to this is by graduating and moving on is, well, to say the least, depressing.
So I have to think of some way to make it better. All I can think of is to keep doing what I'm doing, putting myself out there, and taking more risks. It's the only way things will improve, in the long run.

They are reading my blog.

From Statcounter:
Location: Arlington, Virginia, United States
IP Address: Booz, Allen, And Hamilton (156.80.83.161)
Entry Page: blackpool2020.blogspot.com/2008/09/it-has-begun.html
Exit Page: blackpool2020.blogspot.com/2008/09/it-has-begun.html
Referring URL: No referring link

They're reading my blog. Maybe it's because I mention them in my last entry...or maybe someone Googled me when I got put on their interview list, or checked Facebook. Either way, they're doing their homework. This blog isn't particularly interesting or revealing, but still...I wonder how it reflects on me.

It has begun...

I just scheduled my second job interview. It's with Booz Allen Hamilton on the 6th of October.
Next Wednesday, I'll be told if I get two more. The true storm is really beginning.

Revolve - The Melvins

Freedom on like stems from walk away.
You gotta hold your time,
You gotta hit it with the right of way.
Maybe black too far for any like the one seen.
In a way it's sane,
Either way it's gotta mean.
Red sister might be chokin'
But I ain't about that kind.
Answer me with the rhythm of a body that was born to lose two times.

Hey big Bodie
He says deny but your for tin lie.
Head my shoulder
Big boat deloves, big boat deny.

They might try to hide
But they have to have some more dead sense.
You might be right
Like a ball in the wind.
Poison dandy lifeforms crime.
Mix both down cross,
Sticky pedal the line.
The flavor might be missin'
But he acts to cross that anyway.
You can bet he can diddle with the promise in the power of another day.

*Chorus*

Two of you sold my wallet.
One of you stole my tie.
Didn't you say that you're watching?
Do or die.
Venomous strange appears.
Three of you standing by.
Didn't you say that you've got it?
Watch me eye.



You see, I like posting lyrics that pertain to my life, of songs I like. I wanted to find something pertaining to relationships, and I was listening to this song (which, by the way, kicks ass). And I realized something:

What the fuck does that even mean? I don't understand what this means at all.

I'm deep. And hey, the song doesn't even use the word 'Revolve'.

Why must it always be so... accurate?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hfl9e53LX_U

AAAAAAAAHHH.

I'm doomed.

Another sleep-inducing edition of...

Stealthy/Pious Fun Facts!

Over the summer, my old tracking provider, Tracksy, kind of disappeared/died on me. So, I switched to a different provider, StatCounter. StatCounter provides a lot of information, though you're limited to your 500 most recent hits. Even so, the trend tracking is very interesting, and it does a better job pinpointing ISP based on email address. Additionally, cookie-based tracking means individual user tracking is much easier.
Now, a lot of weird random people visit this site. I still get a fair amount of traffic from Google image search, and every once in a while, someone from my brother's blog will wander over here. However, the majority of traffic is from people I know. There are many hints, but the biggest ones are referral links (or lack thereof) and the number of hits in a given month. When the random guy from Brazil decides to look at the X-Runner picture (again), he'll usually do it once, after getting referred from Google image search. All you wonderful friends of mine click straight to the site, or click on it through Facebook. And, you tend to visit 10-20 times a month, though sometimes multiple times a day (I don't get it, I definitely don't update that often).
So, tracking, as well or as poorly as it's done, is still little more than a novelty. That being said, I do know who reads this, and if it's ever sounded like I directed an entry specifically at you for some reason, I probably did.

Well, probably not, but I do love making people paranoid.

Everything is a trial...

...but running keeps me sane.

There never seems to be any rhyme or reason behind it, either. Sometimes I wish that I got more explanation than bad luck or a gut feeling. Guess it goes to show the type of person I am. Engineering lends itself to those who are more interested in the cause than the symptoms.

Even when it's the symptoms that are ultimately driving you up a wall.

Go With The Flow - Queens of the Stone Age

She said "i'll throw myself away,
They're just photos after all"
I can't make you hang around.
I can't wash you off my skin.
Outside the frame, is what we're leaving out
You won't remember anyway
I can go with the flow
I would say it doesn't matter (with the flow) matter anymore
I can go with the flow (I can go)
Do you believe it in your head?
It's so safe to play along
Little soldiers in a row
Falling in and out of love
Something sweet to throw away.
I want something good to die for
To make it beautiful to live.
I want a new mistake, lose is more than hesitate.
Do you believe it in your head?
I can go with the flow
I would say it doesn't matter (with the flow) matter anymore
I can go with the flow (I can go)
Do you believe it in your head? X3

This song is so good.

I win at eBay

So, thanks to both the inconvenience of it being in Massachusetts, as well as the warped neck and misadjusted action making it kind of 'broken', I needed to get a new bass, especially since I'm the bassist for the Hillel klezmer band, in theory.

So, I won at eBay. We'll see how this works out, but it is an Epiphone bass, and I bought it for about a hundred bucks. Nice.

In other news, I'm hopefully going to get out a bit this weekend...I really need to be more social, and meet people. If I don't continue to practice now, I'll be dead in the water next year when there's no college campus and no fraternity to rely on. And, just to mix everything up a bit, I'm on a hormonal bender. That's right, a bender. Don't know if it's seasonal, triggered by recent developments, or if it's being provoked by the exercise, but my mind is swimming in so much testosterone right now that I want to explode.

Interpret that as you will.

The weekend

So, I went to a rally this weekend. You know, the kind of rally for cars.

It was sick.

Dexter and I competed in his Buick Roadmaster, an ungainly station wagon with terrible brakes and no muffler. Due to an accurate digital speedometer in the center console, we were able to place 5th in our category, which had a field of 14 competitors. Had we not been stuck behind another team with a not-so-accurate speedometer in two out of the four stages, we probably would have even done better.
The roads we took were amazing, twisting through mountains in Pennsylvania's Laurel Highlands. This, for the most part, was lost on us, because navigating the huge car down these roads was an exercise in terror and mechanical strain. Trying to keep the speed down to the instructed pace was so tough that Dexter cooked his week-old brake pads down to the wear indicators in one day. Next time I'm doing this, I'm bringing a more well-suited car.

All in all, it was a fun weekend, and we got to see a lot of really cool cars. For more on that, I have photos on Facebook.

Should have saved the onomatopoeia for this week

In summary:
I want to hit something really hard with something really hard. I am very, very, very frustrated right now.

But, on the sane half of my brain:
So, I sent out an email, and am actually going to start a campaign sometime soon. I've done some very interesting planning, and already have four responses from interested people. I'll probably send them out more detailed instructions regarding character creation at the end of the weekend

Speaking of weekend, I'm being Dexter's navigator for a road rally this weekend, going from Uniontown PA back to Pittsburgh. It should be a lot of fun, especially if I have some wheel time, as driving is one way I can take out my frustration.

Well, that was ADD all over. I'll try to be coherent next week.

What a Horrible Night for a Curse

Comin' like a moon over the hill
Laughin', god damn, you saw
Freight train gonna come tonight
You're holdin' all the questions, tip of your tongue
Standin' on your tip toes, and a
Sun Devil and an Angel, makin' you whole
Waitin' in a raining pile of love
You're waitin' there forever, never gonna come

Comin' like a reason over the hill
Laughin', god damn, you saw a good kill
A thousand sailors couldn't make you sail
Holdin' out the rains, you know you're gonna fail
Standin' on your tip toes, and a
Sun Devil and an Angel, makin' you whole
Waitin' in a raining pile of love
You're waitin' there forever, never gonna come

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, S-U-N-D-A-Y M-O-R-N-I-N-G

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, S-U-N-D-A-Y M-O-R-N-I-N-G

I see the light that's sittin' on the eve, it's alright, it's alright
Grass comin' up on top of the street, there's gotta be somethin' underneath

I see the light that's sittin' on the eve, it's alright, it's alright
Grass comin' up on top of the street, there's gotta be somethin' underneath

Sometimes you listen to a song, and for whatever reason, you feel it really deep inside you. For whatever reason, this was that song today. It just feels...sad.

FOAM.

That was the best party ever. So many people, so much foam, so much awesomeness.

For the house, and for myself.

Rush is off to a roaring start. Oh man. These next two weeks are going to be crazy. BBQ tomorrow, then school on Tuesday and all the events start in earnest.

Be careful what you blog...

...Because sometimes, people will find it more offensive than you originally intended. And just because it's under a cut doesn't mean they won't read it.

>_>

<_<

Yeah. Party soon. Should be amazing.
I've continued to brainstorm for my post-apoc campaign. I may try to write a little more for it before unleashing it on anyone, though. I've also decided I'm not going to be running with my full group this semester. Too many other things to worry about right now. I may run a smaller game, but only if I feel ready to do so with what I'm writing.

Tired...

This weekend has been going really well. Tonight's party should be amazing. Hopefully, things will get even better.

Rush has started. And I have no idea when I'm going to do my homework...

Bunch 'o Stuff

I've started writing and brainstorming my post-apocalyptic campaign ideas. It should be pretty interesting, and I think I'm going to take a different approach to running it, once I do run it. This should be more organic, and less plot-centered. The one good thing I see immediately about this choice of genre is a good amount of freedom, and more immediate motivations than would be provided in a fully developed city. I think it should be a lot of fun.

All in all, I need more motivation to do things. I'm still not entirely back in school mode.

Too much in my brain...frustration is still in the lead.

Interesting how that works out

In an awkward twist, the awkward video awkwardly intermingled with my sidebar. Man, that was awkward. Heh heh.

Well, classes have started. This semester doesn't seem to be so bad, though the whole job search thing may add an additional layer of stress. We'll see. I'm fairly confident everything will work out.

This week is chill...parties on the weekend, then rush. Here's to hoping everything will be where I want it by Sunday.

AWKWARD.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

An experience today reminded me of this. My cousin is hilarious.

Later that night...

I really hope no one takes anything I say here very seriously.

If I'm not talking about games, movies, or music, then it's little more than a rant space. And my decisions of what is rantworthy can change in less than an hour.

AAAGH

It's OK, just a bit of pent-up frustration.

It kind of always happens this time of year, with less sleep and regimens of forced socialization that, though fun, are very draining.

And, of course, I have a personal issue to pick at which will bear the brunt of the blame. Of course.

I don't know. I guess I just feel like I'm doing it wrong. Everything tells me this should work and yet...it isn't.

I don't know. There's too much going on right now, with orientation and classes starting and then rush...I should focus on everything else.

I guess I just feel defeated, and this always, always happens. Yet somehow I never pick up on what I need to change...or it's something different each time.

I'm also impatient. It doesn't help either.

Starting Yet Again

Leaving for Pittsburgh this afternoon. Hope to see you all there.

In other news, I saw Pineapple Express last night. It was pretty funny. I think James Franco is my hero.

'Congratulations, Daniel. You've just completed your first D&D campaign.'

I got the weirdest creativity injection today. Now, for some reason, I really want to run a game again.
Based on what I saw, I was reminded of things that made me enjoy roleplaying. Additionally, it just reminded me why the medium is so neat.
Roleplaying games empower players to do things that they could not otherwise do in real life. They give a sense of accomplishment. Both of these need to be at least understood by the GM, otherwise someone won't be having fun.
The GM, on the other side, gets to tell a story, and even revel a bit in the player's accomplishments. And write a bit, and act a bit.
It's not much more complex than that...and I'm afraid I've been making it more complicated.
I have a great idea for writing a post-apoc/high adventure game. It still isn't formed in my head completely, but it'll be a lot of fun if it goes off properly. And I don't think I'm aiming for any deep intrigue stuff this time. It's clear my group isn't terribly interested, and I don't do it so well. But running and gunning is fun, and given a nice bad guy to deal with and some complications along the way, it could be a short, sweet, and badass campaign. Now if only I could write it before September.

In which I blame Judd Apatow for my sedentary problems

I watched all of Undeclared over the weekend. I'm working my way through Freaks and Geeks.

They're both really good.

This coming from a guy who watches as much TV in a month as most Americans do in a single weekend.

But hey, no commercials. A beautiful thing.

Weekend

Spent a few days in Cape Cod.
The ocean is pretty sick.

Going back on Saturday... going to be a long week. Not much to do, and a very very one-track mind.

I'm pretty much packed. Going to ship my trunks tomorrow, if all goes according to plan.

Comment on Ludacris' Obama Video

"Unlike the Flobots, Ludacris cannot keep rhythm with no metronome."

Priceless.

Oh wait, you thought this was about politics? My bad.

My plan right now is to live in Europe for the next ten years to ride out the ensuing civil unrest. I have very little faith remaining that the political system will allow for the change necessary to see us out of this mess.

In the meanwhile, my bank is located in Scotland, so I should be safe for at least a little while.

Damn it.

My surprise flavored lollipop was grape flavored.

Damn it.

What I Want From A Roleplaying Game

What I want, in as few words as possible, is a compelling story.

It may be that I'm in the wrong genre entirely. What I want right now is not something that is best described in hit points or skill levels or stat blocks...but rather something best described by characters, by what they do, what they wear, how they sound, how they look, and how they react to the events of the world going on around them. I like concepts of grandiose power games, conspiracies to take over the world, unseen powers not for this earth. But they're for the story. Players of RPGs seem fixated on what they can do, what actions they can take. Instead of the 'what', how about the 'why' or the 'how'.

So maybe a roleplaying game is a foil for my own laziness. Maybe all I want to do is create a compelling story, and maybe I want a bunch of people to help me.

So this could be collaborative fiction. Or it could be that I should just write something. And it could be that I need to look more critically at what elements I tout in my games, because those are going to be elements I want to integrate into my stories.

So I want danger, and I certainly seem to like the Cyberpunk genre. Character depth is key, as is an interesting plot with a decent (though not overbearing) amount of backlog. But I always get stuck on realism, which is kind of contradictory in many genres of science fiction, cyberpunk included.

So let's wind it back. The thing that makes cyberpunk and dystopian literature interesting is their connection with the real world. So let's, for the time being, stay in the real world.

Let's work through some scenarios, based on fanciful (though not ridiculous) thought. A man, generally left-wing in his opinions, owns a gun. He owns a gun for two reasons: first, he enjoys shooting from a hobbyist perspective, and pistol shooting is both inexpensive (relatively) and challenging. Second, he has, from his own opinions on the world, a dim view of the government.

This man is a tinkerer. He has an engineering background, and enjoys tinkering with stuff. Building stuff. Modding stuff. He lives in the midwest (let's say Wisconsin) and has recently put the down payment on a fairly large estate, about 4 to 5 acres. It isn't arable land, and due to the composition of the rural route he lives on (farmers) the land is relatively cheap. Still, he now has a large mortgage.

This man is fairly cyberactive, and keeps two computers; a desktop for movie editing (his prized possession is a camcorder, at least after his 1966 Ford Falcon) and other home things, and a small Sony laptop to go to and from job, and also everywhere else. He owns three cars, but they're worth about 7500 dollars in total. He is a tinkerer. His 1981 Toyota Starlet sits dead in his garage, halfway through a conversion to run on natural gas. He knows how to finish the car, but is at a personal roadblock, having suffered minor burns and a crushed ego after an attempt to install a methane off-gas valve onto his septic tank resulted in a small explosion.

Back to the computers. The man, for the same reason he has the gun, uses Tor for his browsing. He is the only one in his county who does so. Unfortunately, when two high schoolers hold their school's computer network hostage for an unspoken ransom, the police go to the door of the one guy who they can't packet-sniff. When they ask to search his house he calmly asks for a warrant. The police ask again. He refuses, asserting his fourth amendment rights. The police say something about the Patriot Act and terrorists, and the man does not care. They enter his house. He shoots them both, killing them. Now, in reality, since they did not have a warrant, this would be termed as a self-defense killing. Police or not, you aren't allowed to enter a man's home without a warrant. So, two armed men broke into his house. Hmm. In reality, it wouldn't go down so easily. Even without the current imperial presidency, failure to produce a warrant is not likely to be considered justifiable cause for shooting police officers.
Now, the man loves taking home video. He vidblogs, and uses it to record things he does to his cars. Let's say he saw the cop car, and set up his camera on his stairway to videotape the conversation. Let's say the police officers drew weapons before he drew his, and shoved him to the ground upon trying to enter the house.


Let's say that was uploaded to Youtube.


Hmmm. I may have a novel.

Oh yeah...

I went to the aquarium yesterday.

Spin Magazine

So, the Helmet show I was at was in Spin Magazine. They had photos. Which is good, because my cell phone camera was not up to the fast motion metal-ness.
Check it out:
http://spin.com/articles/chicago-headbangs-helmet
It also confirms I was one of the younger dudes there. Not surprising, Helmet's original lineup broke up in 1998.

May 5, 2005

The fun thing about so many things in life is that you have absolutely no clue what's going to happen. This would include prom, moving, spontaneously kissing someone in a hallway in the middle of Eastern Europe...you know.
I've always panicked about the little details of events like this. But once it's completely out of your control, it tends to be more relaxing. Especially when you know that even if some little detail is awry, most likely, the night will go well. In some bizarre twist, one of the sub-clauses of Murphy's law is: "The more you worry about it, the less worrisome it will be." Which is a good thing, really.


So, all in all, I got it, somehow. I don't know. I was doing more old-year voyeurism, and this came up. It's interesting, because I wrote it. Just thought it'd be worth sharing.

All this old-year voyeurism is kind of hard without my own livejournal to look back on, but in some way, it's probably healthier not to be able to read any of the vile ranting, because there was definitely a fair amount of that. Oh well.

See below post. It's about metal, and therefore way more interesting.

FUCKIN' METAL

So, lots of stuff has happened recently. But I only want to focus on one thing.

I went to see Helmet Thursday night. It was, without reservation, totally sick. Amazing, amazing show.
Page Hamilton, the frontman of the band, is by far the coolest middle-aged guy ever to walk the earth. I mean, I didn't realize this until I looked it up, but the man is 48. Holy shit. He can rock with the rest of them, that's for sure.

They played all my favorite songs. I was in a mosh pit and was tossed in projectile motion by crazy guys who were twice my size. I screamed at the top of my lungs and went home with no voice and my ears ringing. It was so good. I can't even say anything else. It was just so good.

It was so good, I bought a shirt.
Though, for next time, I'm bringing ear plugs. I can't keep doing this to my ears.

In our hands

In our hands, in the hands of each being on this planet, we possess an ungodly amount of power. This is not an electrical power that will jump forth in a bright spark all at once, it is more of an ebb and flow that continues throughout all of life.

Think, if you will, about your significance. In the universe at large, in a world with over 6 billion people, you cannot possibly be significant. Or can you? Within the inner realm of another person, you may be significant. More significant than you could know.

You may be so significant, that someone will not go a single day without thinking about you. Someone may change earth-shattering plans for the future to be with you. Someone may contemplate killing themselves over the thought of not having you.

And this will happen, if not once, many times in your lifetime. At all levels of intensity, you will walk into someone else's life, and when you walk out, you will leave it permanently changed.

Life's questions, in many ways, seem to boil down to these: who has walked across the stage of our life and left it completely different than it was before? And who did you leave in your wake when you made your cameo?

It is very, very difficult to understand. It still haunts me that someone could genuinely love another from the very bottom of their heart...and yet that other person simply not feel the same way.

It is an unanswered question that affects me very deeply. I truly wish I could simply know what people are thinking...because even if I really do know the truth, it scares me, the idea that I could leave so many loose strings from the fringes of my life past.

So I did write something today. But I still haven't found the self-discipline to sit down and start hacking out my story. Damn it.

Most people...

...never consider their online paper trail. Most people never delete their livejournals.

In an outburst of pure, unadulterated curiosity, I fired up ye olde browser, and surfed the livejournals of a few people I knew in high school. They hadn't been updated since 2006, at the most recent, and with one exception, did not really reflect the people as I knew them now. And of course, the exception was a singular entry written about how much the person had changed in the span of two years.

I'm not sure what people think of looking back. I look back a lot, because I've lived a very interesting life, and having record of that is, well, interesting. Of course, I deleted my livejournal. I can't say I regret that, but at the same time...

Sometimes I think it would have been interesting to read. I was such a different person in high school.

Speaking of different people...
For some reason, we watched this motivational-esque video at the end of our safety training. A lot of heartwarming bullshit, but one thing came up about setting goals. So, I'm going to set hard and fast goals. They may be hell to get to, but that's the point.

I will publish a novel.

That is my goal for right now. And damn it, I'm going to make it happen. Because aiming really fucking high is probably the only way I'm going to stop dilly-dallying and write something already. I've written probably 750+ words about writing, why don't I just write something?

On writing

The most important thing I've read recently about writing is that any writer practices by writing. Not writing anything in particular, just writing. I've never felt particularly great about this. I write, and write a fair amount, but am generally more likely to brush off writing that I do as 'blogging', or being self-indulgent journal entries, or whatever else. In reality, especially as I wrestle with story ideas in my head, I need to get off my 'literary' high horse and just write more. At some point, more ideas need to go on paper (disk, memory, whatever) and out of my head. Especially as I'm realizing the potential of my ideas. I'm also realizing the potential of my other ideas, even ones I'd canned as being too simplistic or contrived. My goal is to tell a story. If I think I'm going to come up with something that has absolutely 100% never been done before, I'm kidding myself.

They do say 'write what you know'. That's why I'm excited about this story idea. It's things I truly know, combined with the best things out of my 'too good to be made up' file. I need to figure out the mood for the story...though logically, I need to figure out what the plot is first. Half of it will write itself...based on both my own recollection and the reactions of characters in the other half. All in all, it should be very interesting.

Another interesting thing I read said that you can never trust close family members or friends for editorial criticism. That's very true, as I've realized my friends seem to gush over anything I've written, regardless of how shitty it is. I think I'd make an exception for my father though, who has been my editor for school papers since I was 9, and who can accurately and brutally critique writing without making me hate it (though I will forever loathe the term gobbledy-gook because of him).

Aaron wins at AWKWARD.

In related news, I hate phones.

Sometimes, as I'm seeing, you can't let an opportunity slip by. I've been letting this story idea percolate in my head, and slowly but surely, my enthusiasm has waned significantly. This always seems to happen. On the plus side, I still like the idea. However, that does me little good when I have much less motivation to write it. Oh well.
Strike when the iron is hot, so they say. Writing, like many things, is something where you have to get over the initial hump to really get into the good stuff.

I still feel like I want to write about something I can relate to. However, my life is boring, no one wants to read a novel about cars, and I feel more like writing about roleplaying than writing on subject matter that would belong in a game. Though, that last sentence gave me a perverse idea for a story. This one's very vague, will need some serious flesh.

Back in a few. (hours? days? weeks? who knows?)

48 Hours

This weekend was crazy. Lots of cool shit happened. I'd say more, but that's probably self-incriminating (heh heh heh).

Three more weeks. And one opportunity to make them really count, in ways I didn't think possible until this weekend.

More on this

Once you have gamed the system, and done all of the necessary quests to get your magic boots and your divine steed. Once you’ve reached the top level and have nowhere to go. Once you become bored enough to just stop playing, they may begin to realize that the point of RPGs wasn’t just to kill things and take their stuff, it was the storytelling and the friends that they made that mattered. No MMO has ever held the possibilities of those little paper books. Until an MMO does, which will probably occur in my lifetime, abandoning the market and making the games harder to play is probably in everyone’s worst interests. That hasn’t stopped them though. I mentioned to a friend that 4e reminded me of Second Edition, and he commented back that it reminded him of Chanmail. I don’t think we need D&D to be a tactical wargame, but it is.

-Ross Winn

I like Ross Winn. His column on RPGNet is interesting, and he wrote material for Cyberpunk 2020, which makes him awesome. He seems to share my opinion on 4e. I play roleplaying games to tell stories, and to build characters. If I wanted to kill monsters, I have several computer games to choose from.
Speaking of telling stories, I'm considering starting to write one. It'll probably be long, possibly even novel-length, but I'm not sure. My plan is to set the story in Dubai, mostly because of the city's rich and interesting social dynamic, as well as it being the perfect place to set a modern-day cyberpunk story. I'm still brainstorming on details, but this is the first time fiction writing has excited me in a long time.

The adventure continues

Hopefully, only one or two more days without regular internet access.

White Sox game tonight. Should be interesting, I've never been in a skybox before.

Ever get that feeling people are talking about you? I guess I should rephrase that. Have you ever heard or read something someone said or wrote, and thought it was about you, though you had no way to be sure? If I'm wrong, I should stop being so paranoid. If I'm right, I guess I have a reason to be ticked, because someone isn't being forthcoming with me about what they actually think.

Forthcoming...that's what my boss said I need to be more of. I need to me more willing to offer my opinions without prompting, and say what's on my mind. This was meant primarily in a professional sense, in terms of being an engineer, but he indicated examples in social situations, and was right to say it was something I should think about.

More on leaving the comfort zone.

The 4th was cool, saw fireworks, went to a barbecue. Nice.

Oh yeah, that little detail

So, my internet access has been cut off for this week because of my incessant love of bandwidth. So, if you want to get in touch with me, my phone would be the best way. I don't think people who don't have my number would want to get in touch with me, but if this is the case, ask one of our mutual friends who does have my number. It's the best suggestion I have, honestly. If they get weirded out and think you're stalking me, show them this blog page. I'm sure they'll understand.

Memory Triggers

She wakes up in the morning
In the same room that she's been in her whole life
And everything still looks the same
But the feeling of the room has changed in spite
She said:
"You don't know what it's like to be stuck in my mind"
She said:
"You don't know what it's like to be stuck in my mind all the time"
Bruised lips and the make-up
Tattooed hips and pierced
For the sake of letting everybody know
She don't belong here
Old tricks that she made up
Attitude
I don't give a fuck
For the sake of letting everybody know
She says I won't belong So long
It's not a lost cause
She's just a runaway
Is there nothing left for you to say?
And if she comes home
Do you think she'll want to stay?
Is there anything for her?
She's a runaway
Turn your back on yesterday
She calls at seven thirty
And wants to talk about her boyfriend one last time
Mom and Dad are fighting in the background,
Shattered glass cuts through red wine
I said:
"I don't know that I'm right but I know that you're wrong"

[Repeat Chorus]
Blacked out
Passed out at a party
In another town
With the same old Bacardi
Nothing ever changes what's inside me
Someone find me, someone find me
My heart showed me the way out
Don't stop
Don't give up on me now
Two beats, two streets
Too many repeats to blow my only other way out

It's hard when you realize you miss a friend...and then realize you haven't spoken to them in over two years. I'm terrible at this keeping up thing.

Maybe I need to send an email.

The critics have spoken

D&D 4e Review by David Banuelos on RPGNet

This explains fairly well why I no longer have any interest in D&D. Too bad.

Soldier of Steel

Work continues. A steel mill is a pretty interesting place.

Looking forward to leisure and other things in August. Kind of want to be back at school.

Things are interesting right now. Starting to think about the whole 'job after college' thing, and the whole 'what the hell is going to become of my life' thing. Some looking forward, some looking back. A lot of things change, but some things stay significant regardless. What I've found is that sometimes you have to dig back a few years and look for patterns.

A Summer's Worth of Random

This may be long, but more because I have a lot to say, less because I want to rant about it.

I started my (and I mean my) project at work. Just started, but it's already totally worth it. I'm an engineer, bitch! All in all, I'll say I really like this job. I would definitely work at ArcelorMittal if they offered me a job. Not going to commit until I see who else offers me jobs, but we'll see...

D&D 4th came out a few weeks ago, and the reviews are starting to leak out, in both the 'love it' and 'hate it' camps. I'm going to say now that, because of the type of gamer I am, I'm probably never going to play D&D again, barring nostalgia or promises of free alcohol. 4e is not the only reason, but it's definitely one of them.

As I've played more RPGs, I've kind of learned what I like in terms of gaming. I like stories, I like settings. I like images in my mind (which sucks because I can't describe for shit), and I like seeing character sheets turning into real people. I like wanting to write stories about characters when games are done. I like development, I don't care for advancement. I like conflict and even violence, I don't care for 'combat'. I like competency and concept, I don't like min-maxing and point builds.

If you're going to use the GNS model (which, flawed as it may be, boils things down pretty well), I'm halfway between N and S, narrativist (or dramatist, to some) and simulationist. I like story and conflict, and to a degree, I like realism. I mean, I can't play a fantasy game if I don't understand the consistency of the world, physically possible or not. And of course, I like stories. I like telling stories, which is one reason I GM so often.

D&D was born out of wargaming, and has been based on fantasy characters killing each other since it started. Gygax turned it into what it was because he saw more potential: potential to tell stories, potential to make characters that grow and develop. Of course, when his game started making shit-tons of money, there was no need and no reason to develop it out any further from wargaming than it already was. Its roots in the preexisting hobby no doubt made it more popular, and there were others who would do the boundary-pushing later.

Now, I don't like wargames. I'm not going to bash Warhammer or anything like that, it's just not my cup of tea. Risk is as far as I'll go when it comes to strategy, and I'll admit I like Risk quite a bit, as well as Chess. What I find interesting comparing Chess to something like Warhammer is that when the unit equation is made complicated, gameplay is simplified. The more wonky shit people put into wargames with all the different units and everything else doesn't make the game deeper. Chess is a game that becomes intellectually interesting because of its simplicity. It's easy to learn, hard to master. Warhammer is harder to learn, but after that, all you need is 1000 bucks to buy powerful shit and you're golden. You don't tweak armies like that. You choose a strategy and then stick with it. Yes, it's interesting to pick apart army builds and figure out weak spots, but you know what? I don't need to play to do that. And the play itself isn't necessarily more interesting than, say, Command and Conquer. C&C is cheaper, too.

So D&D 4th has further optimized toward the MMO crowd and the wargame crowd. They'll make a lot of money, I'm sure. I have no doubt that mechanically, D&D is now a simpler system to comprehend. It's also so far from what I'd consider enjoyable as an RPG, I know for a fact I'm not going to even bother to play it. It's not what I want.


Finally, after I scared you all off with the nerd speak:
I guess I did kind of want to rant, and to a degree, I did, about D&D. But you know? I should have learned a long time ago that vomiting words into the internet does little good.
I guess I just feel like bitching about relationships because I feel so removed from people I care about right now. People or person, I guess, depending on how widely you paint. It's only June... not a great time to start looking forward to mid-August.

Syrup

So, I just read one hell of a book.

The book is entitled Syrup, and it's written by Max(x) Barry, the author of Jennifer Government. The book centers around marketing idea-man Scat and his partner/object of infatuation, 6. After Scat's old roommate, Sneaky Pete, steals Scat's brilliant idea for a new soda, Scat and 6 need to figure out a way to get around Sneaky Pete's social maneuvering and shoot him down once and for all.
The thing that made the book so compelling was that Scat kept failing. Whether by chance, by Sneaky Pete being quicker, or just by bad luck, almost the entire book is of him screwing up and yet somehow still being intelligent and creative enough to keep going. He spends the entire book infuriating two women (6 and his old flame, Cindy), and yet neither of them seem to actually tire of him. Sneaky Pete is clearly better at the game, which in addition to frustrating everything Scat tries to do, also adds to the book's story by making a very hateable, despicable antagonist. You will get so pissed off at Sneaky Pete. Despite the smallest introduction possible as Scat's roommate, by the end, he's the most insidious, two-timing and just evil guy you could think of. He makes you hate the marketing ethos, despite the fact that the 'good guy' is doing the exact same thing.
I enjoyed it thoroughly, though I wonder if taking longer to read it and fuming a bit more would have made it more fun. I don't know.

In vaguely related news, I got my Maximo iMetal iM-490 headphones in the mail from Woot. They are completely sealing earbuds, something new to me. The sound is crisper, the passive noise cancelling is fantastic, and, unprecedented for earbuds, they have bass response. For 15 bucks, I say it was a pretty good buy.

Oh man

First things first, I finally have internet in my room in Chicago. This means I will now resume wasting time.
Things have really picked up this week. We're about done with training now, and starting to get our assignments (starting, I'm still unsure exactly what I'm doing). Tomorrow, we get our PPE (personal protective equipment) and tour the plant. It's going to be pretty cool, and it'll probably give a better idea of what we're going to be expected to do. After our physicals on Monday or Tuesday, we're essentially doing our thing for the rest of the summer. Should be pretty cool.

I've had some opportunities to get out and explore, but now that I'm waking up around 5:30 to get to work on time, that's not going down during the week. I'll figure out what my weekends will be like come Saturday, but my expectation is that it'll be pretty cool.

Well, I'll be online now, and probably IMing a lot of people between the hours of 8 and 10 EST, since that's when I'll be in my room, not doing much.

Home

Well, I'm home, and already doing productive things. Today I went to a junkyard with my brother, and we picked up a door for the Celica. Now, it can be repaired, and my brother will have a car. I'm so selfless.
I leave for Chicago on Sunday. Let's see what other productive things can be done in that time.

I am sitting in a room...

...with no furniture in it. Well, almost no furniture, save my bed. Everything has been moved out, and I'm just waiting to pack up and leave tomorrow. I guess it's kind of melancholy, but I'm looking forward to the summer, and when I come back next year, the renovated new house will be amazing.

Onward and upward.

Shutdown

OK, so here's the deal:

Now that I'm essentially done with finals, I need to start packing my room more seriously. My desk and dresser are going to be gone on Wednesday, so both need to be emptied. Additionally, anything I want stored over the summer has to go by Tuesday. So, tomorrow I will finish cleaning out both my desk and my dresser. This means my computer will go away, and come back out maybe Tuesday, maybe Wednesday depending on how long it takes me to clean everything else out. So, I won't be getting emails or anything else for at least all of tomorrow. I'm kind of excited. Kind of still hoping my bike lock key is buried somewhere on this desk.

So yeah. If you need me for something important, call the cell or text message me. If you don't have my number...well, you have until tomorrow morning. Have fun.

I'm excited now. I'm going home soon, and I'll be in Chicago soon after that. Summer will begin.

As promised: Cars!

Chevrolet SSR:



Subaru SVX:



Nissan Sentra SE-R:



A Lamborghini (probably a Gallardo, I don't know):



Mazdaspeed 6:



2nd gen Toyota Celica:



BMW 735i:



Mazdaspeed3:

Time for: Stealthy/Pious Random-ass Site Statistics!

No real statistics, but...

So I have a visitor tracker, because I like to see who visits my blog. Mostly it's people I know, from cmu.edu domains and stuff like that. The interesting ones, however, are the people I don't know. They used to come in droves through referrals from my brother's site. Not anymore. Now they come from Google image search.
So, a while ago, I posted an entry with some cell phone pics of cool cars in the Pittsburgh area. I get 2-3 hits per day on my Toyota X-Runner pic. The X-Runner, a tunerized Tacoma, is pretty cool, but I wasn't aware my picture would be good enough to warrant 40-60 hits per month on that pic alone. Well, I guess I was wrong. So, in a blind effort to get more traffic, I'm going to upload the rest of my cell phone car pictures later this week. Should be awesome.

Oh yeah. Essentially done with finals. One project to go.

Last Final

My last final is in about four hours. Should be good. Finish the thermal project over the weekend, and that's everything.

I started packing yesterday, and let me just say, I have a lot of stuff. Like, a lot. I've only managed to pack up about half of my clothing, which is a problem, because the dresser needs to be moved out on Tuesday, as does the desk. Desk is also a mess, but I'm somehow making progress there, which is good.

More to come later. Then, next week, I go home! Woot.

One final down...

One final, one assignment, one lab, and two final projects to go.

Phew.

I just need to get past next Monday. It's my last due date...I'm so close right now.

Then, I get to do other lovely things like pack all my stuff away. That'll be interesting.

Everything

So, it's the end of the school year, and I'm wrapping up final projects, getting ready for finals, giving presentations, all that good stuff. And there's still the icing on the cake.
Basically, every time I go through an experience like the one I'm going through now, it's like rewriting the whole damn book. But, that's part of what makes it fun. I said to one of my friends earlier that 'the best and worst thing about interactions with other people is that you have at most 50% of the input'. It's true. It makes it fun and surprising, and then also makes it maddening. Never in my life have I more desired to be psychic.

Kiss Me Deadly

I went to a party last saturday night,

I didnt get laid I got in a fight

uh huh, it aint no big thing (really?)

late for my job and the traffic was bad

had to borrow ten bucks from tavis's dad

uh huh, it aint no big thing

I went to a party last saturday night,

I told you that story and I'll be allright

uh huh, it aint no big thing

but I know what I like

I know I like dancin with you

And I know what you like,

I know you like dancin with me

kiss me once, kiss me twice

come on pretty baby kiss me deadly

kiss me once, kiss me twice

come on pretty baby kiss me deadly

had a few beers, gettin high

sittin, watchin the time go by

uh huh, it aint no big thing

nothin to eat and no tv

lookin in the mirror dont do it for me

uh huh, it aint to big thing

but I know what I like

I know I like dancin with you

and I know what you like

I know you like dancin with me

(dance with me!)

kiss me once

kiss me twice

come on pretty baby kiss me deadly

kiss me once

kiss me twice

come on pretty baby kiss me deadly

(well I know you like dancin with me)

kiss me once, kiss me twice

come on pretty baby kiss me deadly

kiss me once

kiss me twice

come on pretty baby kiss me

come on pretty baby kiss me

come on pretty baby kiss me deadly

kiss me deadly

went to a party last night

I didnt get laid

Awesome

Today, awesome.
Sitting out on the grass, awesome.

Makes me want to do a dance.

Scary Things

So, I said something scary to someone today. Well, scary for me.
"After this semester, I don't have anything left to learn in MechE."
I mean, not literally, but it is pretty true. I have a project course and a lab left, meaning no more brand new course material for MechE.
I'm getting really close, and it's scary.
Speaking of getting really close...
My last relationship ended by kind of fizzling. At some point, you're no longer, well, attracted to the other person, for lack of a better term. It happens. I've been in a funk before, and it happened a bit again, where I was thinking 'do you ever meet a person you don't grow tired of?'

The answer is unequivocally yes.
That being said, everything happens for a reason. It's foolhardy to expect that whatever reason you had before is just going to disappear. I'm thinking I should tread slower, and lighter.

Gaming kind of on hiatus while I finish out the semester. Don't know exactly what I'll do over the summer, I had an idea, I'm still playing around with doing something different. Still planning to run Ebmist next year, but I know I won't have the time or motivation to finish writing until summer.

In so many areas of life, I'm not going to commit to anything just yet.

Best Error Message EVER

My roommate recently got hit with this doozy. It's nothing severe, so I have no guilt about posting it.

It needs to be said

http://robertreich.blogspot.com/2008/04/obama-bitterness-meet-press-and-old.html

I was born in Scranton, Pennsylvania, 61 years ago. My father sold $1.98 cotton blouses to blue-collar women and women whose husbands worked in factories. Years later, I was secretary of labor of the United States, and I tried the best I could – which wasn’t nearly good enough – to help reverse one of the most troublesome trends America has faced: The stagnation of middle-class wages and the expansion of povety. Male hourly wages began to drop in the early 1970s, adjusted for inflation. The average man in his 30s is earning less than his father did thirty years ago. Yet America is far richer. Where did the money go? To the top.

Are Americans who have been left behind frustrated? Of course. And their frustrations, their anger and, yes, sometimes their bitterness, have been used since then -- by demagogues, by nationalists and xenophobes, by radical conservatives, by political nuts and fanatical fruitcakes – to blame immigrants and foreign traders, to blame blacks and the poor, to blame "liberal elites," to blame anyone and anything.

Rather than counter all this, the American media have wallowed in it. Some, like Fox News and talk radio, have given the haters and blamers their very own megaphones. The rest have merely "reported on" it. Instead of focusing on how to get Americans good jobs again; instead of admitting too many of our schools are failing and our kids are falling behind their contemporaries in Europe, Japan, and even China; instead of showing why we need a more progressive tax system to finance better schools and access to health care, and green technologies that might create new manufacturing jobs, our national discussion has been mired in the old politics.

Listen to this morning’s “Meet the Press” if you want an example. Tim Russert, one of the smartest guys on television, interviewed four political consultants – Carville and Matalin, Bob Schrum, and Michael Murphy. Political consultants are paid huge sums to help politicians spin words and avoid real talk. They’re part of the problem. And what do Russert and these four consultants talk about? The potential damage to Barack Obama from saying that lots of people in Pennsylvania are bitter that the economy has left them behind; about HRC’s spin on Obama’s words (he’s an “elitist,” she said); and John McCain’s similarly puerile attack.

Does Russert really believe he’s doing the nation a service for this parade of spin doctors talking about potential spins and the spin-offs from the words Obama used to state what everyone knows is true? Or is Russert merely in the business of selling TV airtime for a network that doesn’t give a hoot about its supposed commitment to the public interest but wants to up its ratings by pandering to the nation’s ongoing desire for gladiator entertainment instead of real talk about real problems.

We’re heading into the worst economic crisis in a half century or more. Many of the Americans who have been getting nowhere for decades are in even deeper trouble. Large numbers of people in Pennsylvania and across the nation are losing their homes and losing their jobs, and the situation is likely to grow worse. Consumers are at the end of their ropes, fuel and food costs are skyrocketing, they can’t go deeper into debt, they can’t pay their bills. They aren’t buying, which means every business from the auto industry to housing to even giant GE is hurting. Which means they’ll begin laying off more people, and as they do, we will experience an even more dangerous downward spiral.

Bitter? You ain’t seen nothing yet. And as much as people like Russert, Carville, Matalin, Schrum, and Murphy want to divert our attention from what’s really happening; as much as HRC and McCain seek to make political hay out of choices of words that can be spun cynically by the mindless spinners of the old politics; as much as demagogues on the right and left continue to try to channel the cumulative frustrations of Americans into a politics of resentment – all these attempts will, I hope, prove futile. Eighty percent of Americans know the nation is on the wrong track. The old politics, and the old media that feeds it, are irrelevant now.

- Robert Reich

9 days til the Pennsylvania primary. I know who I'm voting for. Do you? This country deserves better than a youth who are still disenfranchised enough to believe their voice doesn't count. We need to show everyone we know how to call bullshit, and that our economic livelihood cannot be dictated by the demands and greed of others.
I'm proud to come from a family of very politically informed individuals. I have heard a lot in the way of complete ignorance when it comes to politics, and studying policy has attuned me even further to this. Well, I'm sick of it. I may not know everything about policy, but I know enough, and I know people who know much more than I.
You know how I can say we're in trouble? Because I am attending a university with combined costs of around 150,000 dollars, and I will enter the workforce only slightly above the median income. The fact is, financial security only comes in the form of a good education nowadays, and that is very expensive. Our economy needs help if the vast majority of people working under it are not guaranteed even what's considered 'average' in this country.

OK, rant over. But yeah, what was I saying? Oh, yes. Go out and vote.

Skindred - Alright

Know that I hit you with a full on attack
Never pulled no punches it was full contact
Now we enter the place and we no wan bring it back init?
Hit you in the heart and made a deep impact
Rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock

I never meant to hurt you
Or do the things some people do
I know I burnt you; the scars are there for true

I know it's gunner be alright
Turn it all around and make it right
Yer I know it's gunner be all right
Get up off the ground you'll be all right

Every little thing is gunner be alright

Want you to know it hurts so much when your heart gets cracked
War in love can knock you off track
We all want revenge that's the way we react init?
It's alright we bounce back intact
Rock rock rock rock rock rock rock rock

I never meant to hurt you
Or do the things some people do
I know I burnt you; the scars are there for true

I know it's gunner be alright
Turn it all around and make it right
Yer I know it's gunner be all right
Get up off the ground you'll be all right

We all fall down and hit the concrete
Get up off the ground stand up on your feet
Nursing your bruises you know you got beat
We want surrender we want retreat
There's gorra be an end to the conflictions alright

I never meant to hurt you
Or do the things that people do
I know I burnt you; the scars are there for true
I never meant to hurt you
Or do the things that people do
I know I burnt you; the scars are sad but true

But I know it's gunner be all right
Turn it all around and make it right
Yer I know it's gunner be all right
Everything's gunner be all right
Alright alright

Important message in there. Everything will be all right. Eventually.

Screwing around with Avatars

So, I found a nifty little utility. Supposed to be for GaiaOnline, but it works pretty well for creating little bits of character art. So, I started making some of my old characters with it.


Rani Omer


Lars Blackpool (Cyberpunk 2020 version)

Things are Coming Together

Today I got the official offer letter from ArcelorMittal. This means I know what I'm doing this summer, and am going to make a decent bit of money. Needless to say, I'm pretty excited. I may end up getting a car for the summer (I looked at the section of Chicago where I'll be, and it isn't very well covered by public transit), and am looking into that. It'll be a very limited budget, but knowing what I like, I'll be able to make that work. I'm really excited, and ready to go.

Musical music-y music

So, I've been fooling around with another weird blogging app, muxtape. I think it's pretty cool, and now you can easily stream the strangest cross-section of my musical taste.
http://amarks.muxtape.com

But, yeah. This weekend has been filled with some weird occurrences. As unsettling as some has been, I just remember what I have to do, and how long that paper has to be. Oh well. Buggy tomorrow, Carnival soon.

Funk

In a funk. Funk funk funk funk...
Letting my hair grow out, and figuring I may as well see what it looks like if I grow a beard.
I've taken a long hiatus from the roleplaying game I was running, and coming back to it, I think it sucks.
The only things that have made me very happy in recent memory were Greek Sing and a 1966 Mustang.
I'm sexually dissatisfied, and fuck if I was going to admit that before.
I really need to get the hell out of Pittsburgh. I haven't left for more than a few weeks at a time since 2006.
I think my main motivation for getting decent grades is to get the hell out of Mechanical Engineering.

I either need to get over my current hump, or figure out what the hell I can change.

Greek Sing

So, last night was Greek Sing, the big thing we've been working on for months, losing sleep over, rehearsing 6-10 hours a week, that I had a decently sized lead role in.
Well, we won. We won the singles division. It was amazing. I was and pretty much still am ecstatic. Now, unfortunately, it's over, and it's time to find other things to work on, like buggy and all those pesky classes I seem to be taking.

NERD!

Yup. The sordid evidence of my biggest hobby.

Struck a Nerve

I kind of had a revelation as to why I blog, or at least why I have been.
When some kind of stress-inducing event occurs, my first instinct is to tell everyone. This made my childhood a bit easier because I told my parents everything. And in high school, I had a livejournal and wrote a lot of random shit. Kind of wish I had a copy of it, because random shit is sometimes fun to look back on, in a twisted way.
Anyhoo. Now, when some things happen within the fraternity, they stay within the fraternity. That's how it is. But when things both happen within the fraternity, and stress me out, as is wont to occur in some circumstances, my outlet is gone. I can't talk to anyone outside the situation. And that means that the stress and/or anxiety sits there with no outlet. I'm a little frustrated about this. And of course, I can't say anything about it. So it goes.

To cap it off, this weekend I also ran a very intense (and quite good) session. So, thinking both about where I'm going with it, as well as how to consider avoiding some mistakes I made, a lot is already in my head. Not to mention, I'm still doing schoolwork. Well, yay.

In other news, I'm addicted to The Movies. As I start to make my own movies, I can watch my free time evaporate. But it's cool. The whole house is under its spell, and some very funny and bizarre movies are floating around online due to my brothers (Joel, I'm looking at you...)

Me with free time? No....

So, today is the first Valentine's Day ever where I haven't been single.

In many ways, it's exactly the same as every other Valentine's Day.
But somehow, it's better. Hard to say. All the random lovey-dovey crap that's everywhere made me smile instead of cringe. It's just a change of attitude.

Ah well. I've been running my new campaign, and at two sessions in, it's going really well. I have lots of ideas, and different ways to make everything split off in multiple directions. Already, session 2 was a prime example of 'woah, I didn't expect you to do that'. Although there was a bit of rules hiccup, we got it settled, and we'll be ready to go again in two weeks (my brother is here this weekend, so I'm taking a session off from GMing to show him around CMU). I've started to write up session 3, and I've realized that in only two sessions, I'm already seeing the complexity level of the plot I want to foster increase. With what I have planned next, hopefully things will get less one-sided in terms of combat and player participation. I've also done some of the bookkeeping I want, so keeping track of ammo and damage is working out. I really want to figure out what the rule is regarding damaging armor, but with the blunt trauma rules, and other things, everything seems to be pretty balanced.
Moral of the story: You can't purchase skills with limitations.

And finally, weekend

It felt like this week took forever. But now, it's Friday, which means Hillel tonight, chilling and chillaxing, then gaming tomorrow.
My new RPG friend is www.printfreegraphpaper.com. From there, you can print hex sheets! So, I'm going to print a bunch of hex sheets for tomorrow. It should be awesome. Also, tomorrow to me signifies the actual start of this campaign. I'm finally seeing places where things can go in a lot of different directions. I'm actually excited for the possibility of diverging away from my original plans. It could be really good.
This semester has started out being a lot of work. In the next two weeks I really have to push and get ahead of the game, so I can spend next weekend (16th and 17th) with my brother, and not have to worry about any work hanging over my head.

Woo, random

I want to apologize for trailing off on my Israel posts. They get less interesting, despite the sites getting more interesting. Therefore, I recommend you check out my photos on Facebook if you're actually interested, they're a lot cooler.
My semester has started, and it's crazy so far. Lots of stuff, lots of work, nothing unexpected. My classes are cool, and I'm still looking for a summer internship. Once again, nothing unexpected.

A bit of random, and next entry will probably be about roleplaying games, I promise. But if you know someone making the same mistake over and over again, what the hell do you do? I mean, no amount of telling someone does fuck all of anything. But yet...
Eh. Drama, drama. I know how long it takes for someone to figure it out. I'm just sick of watching people I care about fail to.

As I said, next time, RPGs. Watch this space, I'll be starting a campaign in the next couple weeks, it should be good.

Israel: Day 5

1/1/08

Happy New Year!...Ugh. Four hours of sleep. Went to Kineret Cemetery, a beautiful place, and in essence, a monument to Zionism. After that, went to Tzippori, a town from the Roman period. Interesting. Spent a four hour drive sandwiched between two couples (karma is a bitch), then, ate some good shwarma. Got to a Bedouin village in the middle of the desert. Rode a camel (oh man, that was fun, or at least interesting). Staying in a Bedouin tent tonight, which will most definitely be one of the more interesting places I've spent the night. Now, I have a humza, which will make my necklace symmetrical again (or not).

By far one of my favorite nights of the trip. We walked out into the desert at night, we all sat around a fire, and we were deprived of sleep for the second night in a row. This was the point of no return, and we all knew it. More later!

Israel: Day 4

12/31/07

Today was spent in the Golan Heights. We went offroading in Land Rovers, and visited the ruins of some Syrian bunkers from '67 and before. The conversation with the driver about Israeli foreign policy was enlightening, in a manner of speaking.
We visited a mall for lunch (woo! Israeli fast food!) and went to a mountain bunker, which was neat and interesting. We saw a movie about the Yom Kippur war, and also got to climb on tanks.
In the evening, we had a Hillel New Year's party. They had a bar (Israeli beer = not bad)and music and food, and we rocked out.
More to come on day 5. I will say that the idea of being near the border of a hostile country is something new for me. This was also the first time I was less than ten feet away from an active minefield. Now that's a reality check.

Now the tour is in full swing. In a few days, we'd head south, and things would get even more interesting.

A brief intermission

This is the most amazing thing ever.

http://jalopnik.com/340827/how-to-escape-microcar+attacking-ninjas-on-roller-skates

Israel: Day 3

12/30/07

Everything about yesterday was amazing. We were at an Israeli engineering college in the morning, then a kibbutz called Eshbal. We met 8 Israeli soldiers who will be travelling with us, then went to lunch (many people went to Burger King or KFC, but I opted for something a little less familiar). After that, we visited the city of Tzfat, where the Zohar was studied and where famous Kabbalists lived. After was dinner, and then a boat ride with dancing. To top it all off, our bus broke down on the way back with much fanfare and burning rubber.

More later.

I guess one of the things I got out of going to Tzfat was a different way of thinking about religion. The Kabbalists approached faith in a different way, and some of the stories made me think about how I approach God. My concept of God continues to diverge, but my belief gets stronger.
We also had a chance to discuss the idea of being a 'chosen' people. I guess that really clinches it for me. There is no doubt that Jews persist despite hardship, and rise to the top of any society they live in. This means we have quite a bit to live up to with all this visibility. Sure sign that Israel is doing something. By now, I'm convinced I won't know what until the end.

Tzfat was an amazing city. This was the first day of really going out there and doing things, and the impact is already apparent from this writing. Tune in next time for more of my biblical adventures in the holy land.

Israel: Day 2

12/29/07

I'm starting to feel a difference, though slight. When I look for it, it's pretty clear this is a foreign country. I don't know what else to look for, though.
My stomach was bothering me still this morning, though it seems to have passed. Only dinner will let me know for sure.
Got much needed sleep today, and am continuing to meet new people, which is great.
I still don't know what to expect from this. It's obviously religious, no surprise there, but I don't know if I'm feeling "Holy Land". I'm getting the hint of something special, but I don't know what, yet.
As part of the whole Shabbat 'thing', we took a walk on the beach today. In retrospect, it was really peaceful. That felt more like a day of rest than anything else. Well, excepting maybe the sleeping.

Addendum:
The Druze restaurant was quite an experience. Authentic food (and Israeli kool-aid) and a culture/religion I barely knew existed.

Here, I'm continuing to copy down word for word what I wrote in my journal. The first Shabbat was still one of anticipation, of not knowing what to expect. Little did I know how things would come together even only one day later.

Israel: Introduction and Day 1

I got back from Israel this morning.

I got back from one of the most amazing experiences of my life this morning.

I'm not going to try and start. So much happened, so many questions were answered, so many more were asked. Things are flying around my head, and I don't know what to make of it. At the very least, I have great memories, and lots of new friends, both halfway across the world, and also right next door in Pittsburgh.

Instead of trying to sum it up in one entry, I'll be intermittently posting the daily entries I made in my journal during the trip. Day one was very short:


12/28/07

Tired. Carsick. Meeting people, which is cool.

A combination of the plane ride and some food item made me sick at the beginning of the trip, but Thank God I didn't let it get the best of me. It took through day 2 to really get it out of my system, and I continued to be judicious about my digestive habits from then on out. The first day was us taking it all in. As you'll see later, I had no idea what was really in store yet.