Utah: Day One

Today was our first day in Utah. We have not yet hit the slopes, but we rented skis and visited Alta and Snowbird, which both look fantastic. There are a few things that make Utah a little...different.

A six-pack of Polygamy Porter? Ah, multiply refreshing.
The supermarket sells Dry Ice for 60 cents a pound. Crazy.
And then, the just interesting things, like my brother:

Me: Man, there's a new Transformers movie coming out!
Brother: Yeah, and Optimus Prime transforms into a fondue pot.

Somethings I'll never understand.

A ski update later.

Me, update? Nah...

These are getting more and more sporadic, both because I'm neither writing nor running an RP right now, and because up until Tuesday, I was in the death throes of fall semester. But now, I am prepared for greatness.

That's right. I'm leaving this podunk East Coast to go to Utah, for skiing!
It'll be ridiculous. A week of skiing in better conditions than I could imagine in the East.

Oh man. So good.

In the meanwhile, I'm looking for a good project to carry into next semester. I'm stuck about it, and want ideas. Hmmm...give me ideas. I like writing, and just so you know, by project I imply something to write. Just throw ideas out there. Because of course so many people read this...ah well.

The penultimate Driving Mix

1. Motorhead - Ace of Spades
2. Deep Purple - Highway Star
3. Asian Dub Foundation - Fortress Europe
4. Rob Zombie - Superbeast
5. Clutch - Pure Rock Fury
6. Mad Caddies - Shaving Your Life
7. Dog Fashion Disco - Moonlight City Drive
8. Black Sabbath - Paranoid
9. The Dead Kennedys - Winnebago Warrior
10. Deep Purple - Speed King

Indeed.

Writer's Block like whoa

So I had some cool ideas for a campaign...and they were cool. And they're still written down somewhere. But my desire to actually flesh them out is dwindling. I've been trying to figure out why I would actually have fun in this world, and reasons are escaping me. I'm just too reality-oriented right now. That, and thanks to Luther, I want to go back to Cyberpunk in some way. His campaign is crazy, and I finally feel like I'm playing a character with some depth.
I think in my next campaign, I want to return to GURPS, but make it a setting that's unique enough to warrant not using Interlock. This will require some major thinking and idea treading, but I think I can do it, given enough time. My last setting was interesting, but the setting itself was not that inherently creative, it merely had some flourishes to make it seem individual. It may be a good idea to play up the tech aspect of this world I have in planning...it still could be great, I'm just stuck at a high level of top-down writing, where I'm not doing the meaty stuff I really like.

Also, I go home on Wednesday. All I can think of is downhill skiing and driving El Celica (Celica comes from Spanish roots, look it up, you philistine). Very narrowminded right now.

Last week of the semester means CRAZY

I'm having my sanity sucked from me by repeatedly taking exams and projects and other things.
I have a great campaign setting I want to write, but I'm going to wait until break to wax irreparable on it. In the meanwhile, for integer values of n, a is the integral of f(x) times the cosine of n times pi times x over L. Ah, Fourier can bite me.

The apocalypse

There is a picture of my ass on facebook.
The world as we know it is ending.

I'm going slightly mad

The whole academic thing has been driving me up a wall...there's just too much to worry about.
But I have a break, and I have someone who makes me feel sane...it's a wonderful thing.

Luther is planning a new campaign that, while using the CP2020 ruleset, is modern day. I have a really neat character written up, and am looking forward to some sweet awesomeness when we get back from break.

I love this group so much

Dirk: You’re just going to drop me off here?

Don Giovanni: Yes!

Dirk: Are you going to land first?

Don Giovanni: No!

Man, this session is going amazingly.

Brilliant!

My ability to get AEPi a Greek Sing partner confirms that I am just totally awesome.
Things go well this week, despite elections not turning out as I'd like them. One small thing, but everything else has been completely amazing.
Word.

Well now

Well, it's official. I am no longer single.
I feel like everything is moving forward. Even if it's just the beginning of sophomore year, all that's put before me is the future...whether it's next semester, or grad school, or life.

And it's a wonderful thing when everything looks so rosy.
Elections tonight. Wish me luck in my quest to conquer Eboard.

Aaron's Top Five Metal Albums (of the moment)

In no real order:

Hellbilly Deluxe - Rob Zombie
It's catchy, hard, and brilliant.
Adultery - Dog Fashion Disco
This band falls under the genre auspices I like to call "Death Fusion". That alone is a reason to listen to it.
Pure Rock Fury - Clutch
The Elephant Riders - Clutch
Both of these albums are, in my opinion, Clutch at their finest. Headnodding, bluesy, hard-ass metal.
Senile Animal - The Melvins
Their newest, and crazy. Totally crazy, but still listenable and awesome.

Honorable Mention:
Chemlab
They aren't metal per se, but are great industrial rock. I recommend both "Scornocopia" from Oxidizer, and "Latex" from East Side Militia.
Also...
Terminal Choice did a cover of "I Ran" on their album New Born Enemies. Best/Worst industrial metal cover of an 80s pop song ever.

"The only good distraction is to kick ass at life"

I've been somewhat persistent since, well, forever.
The idea of stopping something because of its difficulty is foreign to me, and if you get me into it, I'm going to damn well see it through to the bitter end. I feel this is a good philosophy to have in life, as long as you can see when something is hurting rather than helping.
But I'm never going to give up on anything. Not on my dreams, not on my responsibilities, and not on myself.
But especially not on my friends.
It's not that I can't be convinced, but if I think something is truly for the better, I'm going to have to try it before being convinced otherwise. I can understand skepticism, and I'm aware that there are situations where I wouldn't really know.
But I don't believe this is one of those. I believe that in light of a previous bad situation, we can spin things around so fucking hard that everything on the other end will be better than it was before any of this unpleasantness ever happened!
*breathe*
I'm a little emotionally caught up in things. It may take a while.

What a Ride

I am at a complete loss for words.
If I said this was a rare occurence I may be lying (at least in the blog context), but I do tend to be a bit on the verbose side.
On one hand, I got something very important off my chest, that had been there for a very long time.
On the other hand, I've kind of opened a Pandora's Box of "Nuclear Emotional Meltdown" in the process. I haven't done that since...well, senior year of high school.
It's a unique position to be in, this one I am. And one may say that I'm bundling a large quantity of trouble on myself.
But I couldn't see there being anywhere better than where I am. And I'd like to believe that says something.

Inner Conflict and Ruptured Blood Vessels

Well, shit.
This weekend was insane. It did go to show that I have managed to learn some important lessons about a lot of things, which made some elements of my weekend more pleasant than they had been when I tried to incorporate them previously this year.
And this weekend, in addition to the things I expected (crazy parties, having my ass grabbed due to my pants), were things I did not expect. As always.
At this point, I am solid in my philosophy about being honest with myself. And at least one thing that was said did seem to reinforce that my personal "oh shit" moment was coming up soon.
Well, here I am. Don't know what's going to happen next. Things could get wicked interesting within the next week or two...in fact, I think at this point, my life will probably stay pretty damn interesting until I go home for Thanksgiving.
And yeah, on a completely other note, Mr. Fraternity was ridiculous. Robbie, you were amazing.

Clutch - Wishbone

For Thanksgiving we had 'tatas,
succotash and rudebagas.
Then came turkey from the oven.
Broke the wishbone.
Covenants were sealed and set.

On the losing end of a wishbone,
and I won't pretend not to mind.
On the losing end of a wishbone,
and I won't pretend not to mind.

Christmas Eve we ate at Aunty's.
We had some ham glazed with honey.
Rolled the Yule log on the fire.
Threw the hambone to the dogs and went to bed.

On the losing end of a wishbone,
and I won't pretend not to mind.
On the losing end of a wishbone,
and I won't pretend not to mind.

In the morning the weathercock was heard
asking what he had learned of the Earth.

This is the hardest rocking song ever written about eating dinner. Ever.

Clutch - Promoter

Warmed up my motor, swindled the promoter
Took a lunatic for a ride
And a little voice said inside my head
Rosemary baby, I got the thyme

Suffering madness and the Pharoah’s plague
I, Akhenaten tell you some other day
No thank you, that’s enough for me
A little bit of Ritalin goes a long way

Ready to rock if you want to roll
Please step away from the vehicle
Ragnarock and revolutionize
Gimme just a minute while I clarify

Cooled down my temper, tried to remember
What it was I wasn’t to lose
And I probably could were it not for
The beer and the broads and the broads and the booze.

Hooked on stupid, and the whole shebang
I never have ever felt the same
No thank you, that’s enough for me
That’s prozacly not what I need

Ready to rock if you want to roll
Please step away from the vehicle
Ragnarock and revolutionize
Gimme just a minute while I clarify

Proof that the Ladder Theory is bullshit

I had a really good conversation with someone last night. In retrospect, it wasn't much of a deviation from the norm, but her insight was something I needed to hear.
Thank you. Sometimes the smallest considerations can be real eye-openers to someone who wasn't looking at the situation the right way.
I think I need to pull back a bit. If I more fully understood the nature of what was going on, I could act. For now, I'll stay the course, despite the periods of time I must let pass with nothing happening. Eh, oh well. Not like I don't have anything to do.

This point

So I'm at this point, where I am once again feeling outside of everything.
At some juncture I'll note when during the month this happens, because I seriously think it's a hormonal thing.
But the thing is, that despite how lonely and depressed it makes me feel, it's an emotion, and emotions are just reactions. What I can make happen is not a result of how shitty my neurotransmitters make me feel, it is a direct consequence of my conscious decision to get up and make shit happen. I need to think of how to do this, but I will do it. Somehow.

In all honesty

Yeah, I don't know what the hell I want. No real surprise.
I suppose seeing a lot of different things blowing up around me has put things in perspective.
I'll figure it out. I'll take this at my own pace. But it will move. So I will continue in the direction I was going. It at least makes some semblance of sense to me.
Mid-semester break was good. Is good, I suppose.

A common truth

I like a lot of people out there in this here world.
I wish more of them liked me back.

That's about it.

As depressing as that sounds, I'm actually in a really good mood. Would you believe it?

If only people knew...

If people knew the truth of the matter, my legs would have been broken about six times over by now. I love it.
The weekend was absolutely amazing, and I even got back to quota with work. I ran a session, my car chase ran out of gas relatively quickly (there is a way to hit 'motive gear', so when the chaser is disabled the first turn...yeah. Didn't anticipate that), but I have a comeback. Which is good. And oh yeah... Patrick was here all weekend, instantaneously making it the best ever. Word.
I got a haircut! My jewfro is dead. Or, at least, trimmed neatly. Kinda. Whatever.

A boatload of BWAH.

In order:
1. Decisions, decisions. Aw shit.
2. Yes, reading people's signals is tricky business for me. Sometimes, I really wish someone could do something really blatant. Because if they don't, I will, with sometimes odd consequences.
3. I'm kind of *twitch**twitch* right now. Too much going on, and caffeine combined with it doesn't help.
4. I wish I could take action right now...but I can't, really.

That was random. As it should be. Big weekend coming up. And I need to find someone staying home over midsemester break to be all Pittsburgh with.

I enjoyed this

The Dresden Dolls try to kill off Panic at the Disco

It's entertaining. I watched it.

Kicking the gain up

Last night's session, I kicked the gain up, and proved I was serious. Best, a sweet cliffhanger, a potential new player, and a very dramatic session.
I learned that the luck card system is a great way to throw curveballs in the session, and make things a lot more exciting.
I also have successfully tied all but one character into the main plot (and I'm working hard on that last one).
I love this game.

I like modifying cars, but this is ridiculous

Duck Call on a Turbo BOV

Man, people have way too much free time on their hands.

My conclusion

I think too goddamn much.
I have a lot on my plate that I need to work through. Basic things, like academics, and my laundry list of fraternal commitments. I will have a very well-rounded resume by the end of this year, to be sure.
The things that need to be accomplished now are very straightforward. Kick ass in class, fling for Greek Sing...do the EGL thing. Play a sweet RPG...figure out what the hell happened to tea. Maybe even see if someone likes me.

It's all good. I've put a lot on my plate, and it's important to tune back and figure out where I am, in any given moment of lapsing sanity.

Yom Kippur

Birth is a beginning and death is a destination. And life is a journey: From childhood to maturity and youth to age; From innocence to awareness and ignorance to knowing; From foolishness to discretion and then, perhaps, to wisdom; From weakness to strength or strength to weakness. And, often, back again; From loneliness to love, from joy to gratitude, from pain to compassion, From grief to understanding, from fear to faith; From defeat to defeat to defeat. Until looking backward or ahead, We see that victory lies not at some high place along the way, But in having made the journey, stage by stage a sacred pilgrimage. Birth is a beginning and death is a destination. And life is a journey, a sacred pilgrimage - to life everlasting. (Rabbi Alvin Fine)

To everyone, an easy fast. I forgive any iniquity towards me in the past year. I can only pray those who I have wronged will do the same.

An upswing

CATERPILLAR WANTS ME TO INTERVIEW FOR AN INTERNSHIP, HOLY SHIT.

That's about it. That was pretty cool, though.
I'm actually in contact with sororities! It helps stuff with this whole Greek Sing biz.
Two tests Friday.
No game Saturday, bro-hood event.
Yeah. What a week.

Session on Saturday

We ran our second session, and things are going excellently. I held true to my promise of lethality, and so far, one limb has been blown off already. It won't get any nicer...but it'll be a lot of fun. I can't really say more, due to the sensitivity of the plot. But I'll reveal something after a bit of resolution.

Stuff, stuff, and more stuff.

I was up late last night. But last night did involve belly-dancing, and some very good Turkish coffee. The coffee may explain being up late.
All's well in the world of oy, with just one piece of news from Wednesday night.
Dave is now my little, which is totally and utterly amazing. That is all.

So, here's my idea

I base writing on my life. It's how I do it. Right now, I sometimes wish my life was simple. Not necessarily simple in execution, but straightforward in goal, rather than having conflicting physical, emotional and interpersonal desires turning my whole existence into a scheduling nightmare. No, just one simple goal I can work on at a time. So here comes the caricature:

Lance is a college student, plagued by academic pressure and a failing relationship with his old high school girlfriend. His perspective on life is mutilated forever when he falls into an alternate dimension, dealing with drug-dealing panda bears and a large knitting-oriented crime syndicate to fulfill his ultimate quest: pick up a bag of Cheetos.

Yeah, I'm crazy. But what do you think?

Sunday

We ran on Sunday. I had the plan for the intro, and modified it because some people were late. We never actually got to my planned intro...I threw something to make the interim interesting, and now I have two or three really chunky plotlines to look at. One is totally out there, one is lifted straight from a corpbook, and oh yeah, the original plot I had in mind. I don't know why Cyberpunk as a setting makes it that much easier for me to roll and improvise, but it feels like I got my groove back, which is so fucking cool. This week is almost as crazy as rush was, with the TOC and all, but I'll hopefully find some time to write later. Unfortunately, the earliest I really have available is Thursday...before that, my free time is going pretty much exclusively to homework, to make up for the lost time spent tonight and tomorrow with the TOC. I'm not sure how far in advance I need, but at least I know if I'm caught off-guard, I can roll with it. Eventually, it'll become very convoluted and somehow involve every single character in some sordid and highly unlikely conspiracy theory. THAT'D BE SO COOL. But yeah. TOC. Tomorrow = Crazy.

Amazing

We pledged 17 biddees tonight. And an 18th is pledging, just had a conflict and couldn't be at the ceremony.
This gives us the largest pledge class on the frat quad...well, not the largest, but one of the largest.
And the largest pledge class in our chapter's history...by four. Minimum.
Allow me to say holy shit.
Holy shit.
Rush may have completely mind-consuming, mentally and physically draining, and the busiest two weeks since my freshman orientation, but it was so, so, worth it.
We are amazing.

VNV Nation - Beloved

it's colder than before
the seasons took all they had come for
now winter dances here
it seems so fitting don't you think?
to dress the ground in white
and grey

it's so quiet I can hear
my thoughts touching every second
that I spent waiting for you
circumstances afford me
no second chance to tell you
how much I've missed you

my beloved do you know
when the warm wind comes again
another year will start to pass
and please don't ask me why I'm here
something deeper brought me
than a need to remember

we were once young and blessed with wings
no heights could keeps us from their reach
no sacred place we did not soar
still greater things burned within us
I don't regret the choices that I've made
I know you feel the same

my beloved do you know
how many times I stared at clouds
thinking that I saw you there
these are feelings that do not pass so easily
I can't forget what we claimed was ours

moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
no pain remains, no feeling
eternity awaits
grant me wings that I might fly
my restless soul is longing
no pain remains, no feeling
eternity awaits

The music community can be very divisive on electronic music, and even I have not entirely grasped the subtle distinctions between some of these subgenres (so apparently Front 242 is both industrial and EBM...). But these guys are so fuckin' awesome. I love their music.

Well then.

So, apparently, I'm quotable now. I'm flattered.

Last night was a portent to what the whole weekend holds, namely staying up to ungodly hours in the night time and reveling in sleep deprivation. Oh boy. On the good side, we have a session planned for tomorrow...my intro currently is a little contrived, but I have a good feeling about the whole thing. I need to plan out a bit more, but once everything is in place, I have a feeling it will work out.
I had one of my guys request higher lethality...hoo boy, this is gonna be fun.

And now, going into the weekend, I will reference the great MC5:
"Kick out the jams, Motherfuckers!"
That is an amazing album, I'll just say.

Something weird

So, you know when you have a dream, and all sorts of amazing and awesome stuff occurs. You wake up, and think, "damn, I wish that actually happened". Well, last night, I had a cold, and sleeping was kind of difficult. I woke up in a haze, with memories of all this awesome stuff that had happened, and thought it was a really amazing dream.

And then it hit me.

All that awesome stuff actually happened, last night.
It was pretty sweet. Looks like colds are good for something, after all.

The one you've all been waiting for

So, I'm thinking about this 2020 jazz. I now have an idea to start: and a setting:

Centropolis makes Night City look downright independent. The city was founded in 2016 by a cooperative of Petrochem, Militech, MA&F, and EBM. It is very corporate, indeed, and formed on a grid very similar to Chicago’s. Centropolis redistributes displaced populations from the fallen cities of St.Louis, Minneapolis, and Indianapolis, and the large refugee influx became very hard to control. Indeed, Centropolis still has more sheen than Night City, but the tarnish that has now covered it is hard to ignore. The hard-nosed corporate controlled schooling and police keep the place unnaturally quiet, but the incidents have been creeping up steadily. There are cameras mounted all over, and as they got torn down, police got better at concealing them and armoring them. Some cameras conceal terminals where automatic weapons fire will cover a swath within the camera’s viewing angle, but these only exist on private property, or at least that's what they say. Due to the massive prevalence of electronic security, there are large cadres of people who go about their daily business, legitimate or not, wearing ski masks, just so the cameras can’t ID them.

At this point, I want to start mapping out in detail a few places...A Petrochem office or two, their helipad, the Petrochem Place subway station, some apartments, and some other locations as they come up. To clarify upon a previous inquiry, this setting will have room for any sort of character type. I'm building it from the ground up, and whatever situations occur, they will influence how the city is built outward. This also has a very important implication I want to make clear.

The first session will involve, within the first hour or so, a very obvious hook that will be dangled in front of the players. I mean, brutally so. From there on out, it's hands off. I have a story planned, but each player's role in it can differ. I expect each person to have their own agendas. I expect it to get interesting. I will not punish any in-character behavior, save that which is aberrant (as in, not actually in-character). We're all grown-ups now, so I am not holding anyone to the "teamwork all for one" standards of D&D style roleplaying. That being said, we are grown-ups, and PKing or backstabbing for the fun of it does not make it fun for everyone else. Also, I have ways to be mean beyond your wildest nightmares.

Anyone having played 2020, or even perused the setting knows there are lots of toys for killing with abandon. There is lots to be bought with ludicrous amounts of money, and lots of ways to earn it. This system is, despite what you may think, still designed after predictions of the real world, albeit crazily nihilistic ones. I expect this campaign to be mixed-media...still very story and drama influenced, but with flexibility to allow for some kickassery when necessary (especially at the beginning). Comment, email me...tell me something. I want to know what you all think of this.

Oh how I hate to get up in the morning

I went for a short run this morning. I'm not sure how long it was...I circumnavigated campus, went down into Oakland, and came back...somewhere between 2-3 miles. Judging from my pace, I'd say somewhere upwards of 2.5. It was a good run, and the resulting shower was excellent as well. I hope I'll get back into the whole running thing...but I know I'm not good at keeping these things up. And extra hour of sleep is way to tempting.

I have some ideas for this campaign, but the story line in its entirety will most likely come out of the consequences of the first two or three sessions. I'm going to start mapping out places in 9-block squares. Hopefully, the whole set of situations will be determined, because right now, I only have two areas to plot: the Ward, and the Petrochem office. But with the amount of actual work I have to do (read: school), that may be all I can tackle right now. Ah well. One more week of Rush, then cooling down.

I love this guy

Jello Biafra.

Islamic Speed Metal: Magnum Jihad

Need I say anything else.

I'm going to condense this

Pretty much everything in the world going on right now that I am at least peripherally aware of can be boiled down to one simple syllable:

Oy.

In other news, we did manage to meet for a bit yesterday, and now it appears that we're ready to start playing. Whether I'll have the time to either meet or write in preparation for a meeting this weekend is a bit questionable. Ah well.

I also have a job interview on Tuesday. How cool is that.

Gym Class Heroes - Cupids Chokehold

The Papercut Chronicles
feat. Patrick Stump of Fall Out Boy
Ba ba da da
Ba ba da da
Ba ba da da
Ba ba da da
Ba ba da da

Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one i got ba ba da da
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot ba ba da da, ba ba da da

It's been some time since we last spoke
This is gonna sound like a bad joke
But momma i fell in love again
It's safe to say i have a new girlfriend

And i know it sounds so old
But cupid got me in a chokehold
And i'm afraid i might give in
Towels on the mat my white flag is wavin'

I mean she even cooks me pancakes
And alka seltzer when my tummy aches
If that ain't love then i don't know what love is

We even got a secret handshake
And she loves the music that my band makes
I know i'm young but if i had to choose her or the sun
I'd be one nocturnal son of a gun

ba ba da da, ba ba da da

Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one i got ba ba da da
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot ba ba da da, ba ba da da

Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one i got ba ba da da
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot ba ba da da, ba ba da da

It's been awhile since we talked last and i'm tryin' hard not to talk fast
But dad i'm finally thinkin' i may have found the one
Type of girl that will make you way proud of your son

And i know you heard the last song about the girls that didn't last long
But i promise this is on a whole new plane
I can tell by the way she says my name ba ba da da

I love the way she calls my phone
She even got her very own ringtone
If that ain't love then i don't know what love is ba ba da da

It's gonna be a long drive home but i know as soon as i arrive home
And i open the door take off my coat and throw my bag on the floor
She'll be back in my arms into my arms once more for sure

Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one i got ba ba da da
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot ba ba da da, ba ba da da

She's got a smile that would make the most senile
Annoying old man bite his tongue
I'm not done
She's got eyes comparable to sunrise
And it doesn't stop there
Man i swear
She's got porcelain skin of course she's a ten
And now she's even got her own song
But movin' on
She's got the cutest laugh i ever heard
And we can be on the phone for three hours
Not sayin' one word
And i would still cherish every moment
And when i start to build my future she's the main component
Call it dumb call it luck call it love or whatever you call it but
Everywhere i go i keep her picture in my wallet like you

Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one i got ba ba da da
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot ba ba da da, ba ba da da

Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one i got ba ba da da
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot ba ba da da, ba ba da da

My second indie rap find after Automato: The Gym Class Heroes. Check them out.

Clean-up

From last night:
Did you know caffeine is a mood-altering drug? I do now. The trend, to me at least, is impossible to ignore.
From earlier:
So facebook put up some new privacy controls...good on them, but they need to work on the clutter issue a bit more too.

Let me tell you a little sweet something about "The Cards"

Quick note: I am sleep-deprived. Again. Because Rush is happening. And going very well. Which saps at my health, because I stay up late. Again. Just as an advance warning.

And now, on to the purpose of this ditty.

Events unfold in life in such a way that you could neither plan for them, nor would you want to. It all happens in a way which is equally comforting and terrifying, and equally blissful and agonizing, simply due to the way "the cards" are dealt. Now, I will continue in the spirit of beating to death a metaphor when someone uses it in a way I don't like.
"The cards" dealt in life are, quite simply, never going to make a full hand. There is no turn or river, a good deal of people are fucking lucky to get a flop. To deobfuscate that slightly, most of the opportunities you wish you had, you absolutely never will.
So that being said, I've been dealt a straight flush. The power of institutional legitimacy (obtuse metaphor for college education), the ability to pursue my dream, and the actual hope of financial independence by 25 or so are things most people never get the chance to have, as much as many try to delude themselves. I am among a lucky, lucky few.
Everything else, all those details and somethings, are just that. I need to do a much better job at ignoring them, but that doesn't necessarily mean I'll be able to. Turn to the future, turn too slow. Turn to the past, you're the bad guy again. Not somewhere I'd go back.
I'm not single-minded enough for this...I'm unable to just set my blinders on and sit in my little academic dreamworld, with force diagrams and line drawings of camshafts and rocker arms flying through my sedate head. There are other people here, and it's turning into one discouragement after another. Nothing's wrong, per se...but that's even worse, because there's nothing to correct.
If you take a look at your life, and at everything you have right now, chances are, by the time you're out of college, it's all gone, and replaced with something completely different. And that's how it's supposed to be.
Too much stress on bullshit. I need to cut back on the caffeine.

A lovely example of redundancy

So, I found the problem:

You need to save each character record to a new workbook before saving the database...well, now I know. Excel blows me. But at least now it works.

Facebook: I may as well

A comment on the changes to Facebook:
Yeah, I saw the feed thing, and thought, "wow, a bit on the detailed side." But my first reaction to the feed was "oh cool, now I now if people have accepted my friend requests, and no longer have to pore over a profile to figure out what they've updated." If I don't want to look at it, it collapses. That, by the way, was an excellent idea and implementation. Also, in response to the stalker issue, I say this. I went into facebook's privacy settings. You can restrict who sees any of your information...you can have it so you don't even show up on their searches, if you so desire. So if people are really concerned, they can adjust their privacy settings. I adjusted it so that no one can see my cell number unless I have them as a friend. Also, no one outside of my networks can read my profile. Other than that, I don't care, because everything else I post is public domain anyway (within CMU, you can search an index of every student email, and cross-reference it with a name). My most provocative photo is probably a photo of my Celica's shift knob. My wall is filled with inane greetings and birthday spam. My notes are redirected from Blogger, which is, wait, oh yeah...publically listed and indexed on Google. So...yeah. My privacy is not at stake. I don't advertise my illegal behavior (wait, what illegal behavior?), and I frankly am not that interesting. So yeah. For those of you annoyed, I recommend pressing the little drop-down triangle, and collapsing the thing. Not terribly difficult. For the rest of us RSS-heads, you can be thankful that checking facebook no longer has to be an hours-long experience. Or pissed, if you needed a way to kill time. I recommend Freecell, personally.

We have returned

I met my group for some Cyberpunk last night. We started creating characters, and it's looking very good...this campaign will be very interesting, to say the least.

I've been trying to use this Excel database for the characters...it is frustrating to use, though it does do what I need it to do...after I hit it mentally. Oy.

I have a few campaign ideas, though I'm unsure what I'm going to do quite yet. When I have finished characters in front of me, I'll make a more hard and fast decision. I'm going to try and run this game with more attention to detail, and also more development. My plan right now is to build up small areas, and then build up the city from there. I may do Boston...but I'm unsure. The area I'm going to start with will be no larger than 18 city blocks...connected by subways. I'll look at the city map, and start building some ideas up. If I have more detailed maps, it's going to encourage a much better utilization of the city resources I have at my fingertips. Well, we'll see what happens.

So Tired...

So yeah. It was a math mistake. It happens. No worries.

Tonight can be boiled down to this:

Techno version of Hava Nagila.



Brilliant.


I'll spare you the emo bullshit beyond that.

I may game tomorrow, thank God.

So I was doing some math...

So, yeah. September is the ninth month of the year. Number nine. If you are entering into the tenth month of something, in September, that means that it started in December. Logical, right? Makes sense to me. However, by December, there was something that hadn't happened yet...so someone made a serious mistake. Either with their math, or with something else.


That was weird and cryptic.

So yeah. For ten bucks, I purchased a webcam off of misc.market, for the intention of using it with Skype. So yeah, as if I don't already look at myself in mirrors too often, now I can do it without ever leaving my desk. And I can make embarassing video of myself as well. Woo.

From Hillel

Do not walk in front of me as I may not follow,
Do not walk behind me as I may not lead.
Instead walk beside me, and we can be friends
As we walk together in the land of HaShem.

Yeah. Didn't mention I was ever the slightest bit religious, now did I.

And for the hell of it

Happy 200th post. Holy shit.

Blogger Beta

I've done some cleaning as a result of the new Blogger Beta. Has some cool new stuff, and I no longer have to go straight into the HTML to add third-party content, which is nice. The WYSIWYG editor is nearly the same, though now there is tagging, which I rarely use (though hey, here's an excuse to start, right? Whatever. I suppose it's good stuff...and I got a Google account out of the whole jazz too.

Friday

It's Friday. I have three classes, And I actually get a break for lunch.
I will meet up with my group on Sunday. There is a chance of starting up a campaign, and the prospect of that is very exciting.

It's been an odd week, and next week will be even odder, with me needing to stay up insane hours to ensure I observe all traffic flow through this house. Damn Rush.
I've realized people have issues. Woo. Things that I find to be, in this order, absolutely counterintuitive, and completely intolerable. Because people are stupid. Woo.
I may be a victim of the three-wall bang attack this weekend. I am not looking forward to this, hilarious as it may be.

I'm going to go eat breakfast. Because Honey Bunches of Oats taste good, and there's no sense in being bitter at a person so superficial they never would have noticed unless you knocked them out and postered it to their face. What? Me resentful? Nah...
I'm withdrawing from this dating thing. It's so fucking blah.

But in better news, I've gathered my campaign material...the maps from the MBTA website are indeed pretty sweet. I may see if there are similar system maps for Pittsburgh as well. The campaign has not been very thoroughly planned yet, but I have a lot of ideas.

Do you ever wonder

More stream of consciousness, I'm afraid. But I'll try to make it quick.

I received some of the best advice ever today. I was told to "just relax". That does not sound easy, does it? I went back to my room, sat down, and thought about it for a minute. I exorcized from my mind a good large lot...the whirlwind of brotherhood, engineering, and sex. Two which make my life, the third I try to make in my life...not very successfully. But in the long run, it doesn't matter. Now that I've actually been to all of my classes, the reminder is there...given the correct focus, life will be a success, and then my real dreams can come true. There are important things in life...there are less important things. Knowing the difference doesn't always make a difference in the heat of the moment...but at least I've been given something else to focus on.
It appears that my classes will be very interesting this semester. It gives me something to emotionally invest in, that is something that actually exists. And I can remember that if I do get an internship that contributes to my financial solvency, some of my pipe dreams will be that much closer to reality.

Four Word Entry

Karma is a bitch.

Don't Even Try to Play This Game

Violence

This is not an RPG per se, but rather a sociological analysis of gamist RPGs written from a rulebook perspective. I personally believe RPGs are escapist, but this is a sobering view of exactly what you're escaping to.

The game is designed to be virtually unplayable, because the idea is that it is the D&D dungeon-crawl ethos superimposed over inner-city criminality. It is the sort of violence that inevitably crops up in a roleplaying session, especially a very gamist one. I have tried to steer away from this in my recent campaigns, though not entirely...we still blow shit up without abandon, no doubt. I do think it's important to look at what it's satirizing...if for nothing else, just to recall what sanity is. And some of this stuff is really funny. Examples: a skill called "funky woowoo shit", cars in the game have no price and their own hide value because it's assumed the only way you'll ever get one ingame is by stealing it. Just read it...it's priceless, if a tad unplayable.

Mercury

Clutch - Mercury

Daedalus, your child is falling and the Labyrinth is calling.

Renegade heaps, humanity abandoned.
Bower of the vowels, you lit them and fanned them.
Mercury, the courier, celestial messenger
Bed with Dawn, your bride.
Arrowhead of Diane, pierce the mind of a man,
Tongueless muse of time


Clutch is excellent. Every song I listen to makes me like them more and more.

My decision is Final

"...You're such a cliche...behind your Mirrorshades..."
-Scornopia-Chemlab-

With that, I've made up my mind to stick with Cyberpunk. I really want to run 2020, though what I end up running has a lot to do with player input...I think whatever it is, it can be made really fuckin' cool. I listened to this song, and it got me in the mood...the cyberpunk mood, that is. Chemlab will become a central part of the game soundtrack bit, which consists of the following at present:
The Deus Ex Soundtrack
The Process - Skinny Puppy
Front by Front - Front 242
Pulse - Front 242
Total Terror - Front Line Assembly
Re-Wind - Front Line Assembly
Artificial Soldier - Front Line Assembly
East Side Militia - Chemlab
Oxidizer - Chemlab
Psalm 69 - Ministry
A Mind is a Terrible Thing to Taste - Ministry
Filthpig - Ministry
The Dark Side of the Spoon - Ministry
Animositinsomnia - Ministry
Houses of the Mole - Ministry
Rio Grande Blood - Ministry
Herzeleid - Rammstein
Sehnsucht - Rammstein
Mutter - Rammstein
Reise, Reise - Rammstein
Rosenrot - Rammstein
Topping From Below - P.M.T.
American Made Music to Strip By - Rob Zombie
Labyrinth - Juno Reactor
UAIOE - KMFDM
Hau Ruck - KMFDM

My list of artists to acquire/watch now includes Panzer Ag, Nitzer Ebb, Funker Vogt, VNV Nation, Cabaret Voltaire, among others. Any suggestions for Cyberpunk appropriate music, I'd love to hear them.

My mind is odd, y'know...

So I was in the shower this morning, trying not to get ahead of myself, which I often do. In the process, I thought of a hilarious/terrible analogy:

A long distance relationship is like Radon in your basement. It seems like it will never go away, but it still decays easily and has a really short half-life.

God, I'm such a nerd.

Apples to Apples

Calm: Challenger Explosion
Visionary: Helen Keller

The night was hilarious.
Rush is, aside from the sleep deprivation, really amazing. I love the new people we're meeting, and the freshman class is pretty sweet (and in a lot of cases pretty hot, I was checking out the picbook).

This does mean I haven't had much time for writing...not a single person from the group has given me suggestions as to what setting they want, and that makes me sad.

Come on! I need some help to make our game awesome. Help me out, guys.

Music = Awesome

Pandora

The most brilliant internet radio I've seen. It's from the Music Genome Project, so recommendations aren't statistical, they're based on musical properties of the songs and artists. You end up getting a lot of songs that are what you liked in the artist you based the station on...I recommend everyone trying it. It is free, after all (You can subscribe to get rid of the visual ads, but I don't think it's a big deal).

Story of my fuckin' life.

I'm not going to complain about things anymore.

Especially when other people do it for me!

Questionable Content from today

Note Faye in the last two panels or so. Note title. Murmur philosophically.
And yes, it's hyperbole to make direct comparison, that's not the point.

Anyone who has ever used the phrase "knowledge is power"...

is obviously scared shitless by the internet.

A little ways back, I used Technorati to trace to a blog that I, in theory, was not supposed to find. Me specifically, even. Now, it wasn't even really a big deal, and it gave me a chance to make amends with someone (again), so all in all, the public domain is not a terrible thing. People don't tend to say stupid things that much online anyway, and if they do, they're much easier to find. Anyone who has ever been on a forum will tell you this.
So, this time, I did no finding, I just had it found by someone else...it happens, my curiosity was piqued, so I checked back.

Essentially, I found half an answer. But half is enough, really.

I'm not going to go into anymore detail, but it satisfies me to know that without any major programming experience, lots of information can be found on the internet.

That being said, my next step has little to do with any information I have immediately available, but that's my own damn fault.

Yes, yes...I don't know when the other half of my gaming group is returning to school. It is terribly bothersome.

In the meanwhile, I can ask the people who are here about some ideas as to what they're looking for...I don't have writer's block right now, I just don't know which lead to follow for the group right now.

If anyone has a crazy idea too good to pass up, let me know. Just something to get the juices flowing.

Analysis

Okay, looking at the previous post with more sleep and more sanity, I have decided to analyze the writing a bit, in order to see exactly how I wrote that. If you've been reading this blog at all and seen my other writing, you'll know this one was different.
1. Nobody in this story is based on a real person, at all. The name Trey I used because it was monosyllabic, which fitted the meter I was looking for. No hard feelings, Trey.
2. Yeah, so I dropped a few punk-y bits, like the fact that it was set in Version City. That was for me more than the reader, and reinforced the meaning of the Alley, and the meaning of the events that transpired.
3. With the writing of 2, I figured out the theme. The theme of the story is internal control versus external chaos. The conclusion is clear, stating that you cannot find internal control unless you can remove yourself from the chaos around you.
4. Yes, there is a bit of an event chain that's inspired from something that happened to me (inspired by, it did not happen in anything that has the foggiest resemblance to the story), but it serves the purpose of showing that the struggle for centrism and self-understanding are clouded by both internal and external chaos.

So there you go. Apparently, I'm still trying to be centered, as that struggle is what came out in these words last night.

If you think I'm missing something, or would like to add a bit to this, feel free to comment.

New Fiction

I wrote this all tonight. So, do I need a shrink?

I headed to the alley that night. The alley was a place for night, where the harsh lamplight bounced off the angular maze of loading docks, warehouse walls, and concrete obstructions of less distinct purpose. It was a quiet place in the city, hard to get to for most. I don’t know why it was any easier for me, but it gave me a little spot of Version City, the place that everyone claimed but no one owned. I headed out, alone but the buzz of fluorescent streetlights, and the echo of gunshots and sirens in the far distance. When I’m alone, my mind works right, and when I’m right, I can write.

Words flowed from my hand like blood, my pen a needle drawing the mental anguish from my tired veins. It was like this more often than not these days. Gone were the times when a daily journal entry was about an interesting car on the road, or that one time when I actually saw a bird. All I managed to write about was her.

So she was one chick who I met at this guy’s bash earlier in the year, and we kind of hit it off, I kind of came inside her, and now I kind of think I’m in love. But if it were as easy as that, then the pain wouldn’t need to be drawn via pen, now would it? I had no idea who she was, other than a friend of a friend at the time, but about four days after that whole affair, she disappears. But tomorrow it gets interesting, because tomorrow, by friend of a friend’s word, she returns.

It had been about three weeks, and thinking about the whole affair had made my stomach restless and sleep hard to come by. This was the fourteenth night in these three weeks where I had wandered out to my alley to pour out my thoughts, sharpen my knife, and return home a little more at peace than before, only to have the next day fuck it up again. Stuck in a dead-end job in this dead-end city, my day-to-day had blurred into one big hallucinogenic streak, where nothing really began, nor did it end. There were hits, moments of clarity in the alley, brief and blissful inebriation at weekend bashes, and then that one moment, the bit of love that refused to leave, staining my mind just as filthy as I had left the couch that night. So that’s what mental clarity is: when you see all the little stains left on your psyche.

I returned to my excuse for an apartment at about four, falling into about six hours of fretful Friday night sleep. Awaking was difficult, though the absence of hangover made it at least bearable to drag myself into the shower. I was going to head down to the place around four, see what was up, and most likely thrash around later, either in the bad way or in the good way. I had too little patience with my own memory to make a bet on which would more likely happen. Had at least a few hours to wait around, though. That was never good on my part. Idle hands are the devil’s workshop, as they say…and an idle mind makes for a good self-destructive time, at the very least. I tried scrawling a bit of legibility into a notebook, but the results were embarrassing. After a few hours of staring at the ceiling, and trying to think of something other than who I was about to see, I left early, hoping to take enough detours to not seem entirely pathetic.

It didn’t entirely work. I think it was around two, way earlier than any bash that was supposed to go on. I knocked softly, and the door was answered by my bro, Trey. He was not in his right mind, exactly. He stumbled back to the couch, grinning stupidly and tripping over dust mites on his way there. It was quietly revolting, and I wanted to turn face right then, forget what people looked like with a little day light smacked onto their faces. But then I saw her. It was her, no doubt, but it was not her. She had sunken onto a skeleton frame, retracted into a shadow of what I thought a person was. As the midday light appraised her every angle, it was clear what I had not seen. Ugliness is inherent, but in desperate times, one will forget it. I muttered to myself, thinking about what I was on that night, what had disappeared in the moonlight and bourbon haze. She looked up, and sneered.

“Fuck you.” I gave Trey a sympathetic look, and headed out the door. As I hit the outdoors, the nausea hit me just as hard. I got back to my feet, and looked around the dirty sidestreet. Trey’s motorcycle was left unlocked by his front door. I shrugged, found the key inside the door, and headed back. He was too plastered to notice anyway. I mounted the bike, starting it up with a turn and a rub. The engine moan made me smile, and I headed out to an open street. As I got further from the city, the wind woke me up fully, made me feel alive. The road led out through the tall grass, and I sped down as fast as I could. I was leaving Version City. I had to do something for my self now. No time like the present.

It was interesting. Not sure where it came from, nor where it goes. But hey. Why not, right?

Spare me

OK. The moment you've all been waiting for.
I'm going to go back to the topics this blog was intended for: Writing and Role-Playing.
In returning to school, I've gotten the definite vibe that things which I had tried to make work will, as usual, not work. People can be fickle, and stuff can happen.
But you know what? This will continue to happen, and me complaining about it will do nothing. So I'm going back to writing about things that interest me, because frankly, I'd like to run about 3 more games than I have time for this year, with all the ideas I have.

I have at least one story I'd like to continue on, if not finish, and a whole bunch of other things as well.

I will leave my neurotic stage behind with this:
Nothing works out the way you want it to, but if you roll with it and make the best of the situation, the outcome will be better than you could have imagined. That goes equally for real life, writing, and running role-playing games. Take it into mind, because it is useful.

One more thing.
I have not decided what setting, or even what system I'm going to use this year. I have, however, decided this: I would like my players to create new characters. Due to some issues with people returning (or not) this year, I'm going to say we may as well start from the top. The thing that makes a group special is the dynamic, and once that dynamic is disrupted, even slightly, the reasoning behind keeping parts of it makes less sense to me. Plus, I love the novelty of new characters, and I think that we could create a very interesting group if we planned out what the campaign is going to look like beforehand, instead of doing the mishmash situation.
To elaborate: I am going to construct a party with my players, rather than have them just meet at the beginning of the game. My hope is to create a party backstory, rather than a bunch of individual backstories, and have everyone fit in somewhere. So, players, if you're reading this, comment with some ideas, or yell at me as to why this is a horrible idea. Also, if you could (other readers, feel free to contribute your opinions on this part too), give me an idea which one of these you'd rather play:

GURPS:
Space Opera setting
Cyberpunk setting (one we played in last year)
Steampunk/Fantasy setting
Cyberpunk 2020 (Tri-City Setting, slight expansion of the core book's Night City setting)
D&D (had to ask)
Other (Shadowrun, White Wolf, Paranoia...willing to try any, if someone can get me books)

For those in the know...

My address this year will be:

Aaron Marks
1091 Morewood Ave.
Pittsburgh, PA. 15213

Anything you send there will get to me, I promise. And please don't send things to my SMC, I will never check it.

Pittsburgh, I have returned

Yup, I'm back.
My stuff is still in chaos, but I'm almost set up completely. Now, just to rock out. And maybe buy some textbooks or something.

For you people not here yet, here's a teaser (you guys know who you are):
Headhunter - Front 242
I want those sunglasses.

T-minus...

So, I'm in a hotel room in bumfuck-nowhere, Pennsylvania (New Columbia? yeah...). But this means I'm in Pittsburgh at CMU, tomorrow. Tomorrow.
This is pretty exciting, at least in my opinion. I mean, seriously...

I wrote way back in May that I was worried I'd just want to get back to school, and worried about floating through summer. I guess in that respect, Becket was a blessing. It always is, somehow. I think though, after this year, the magic has, for the most part, dissolved. I suppose 19 is an appropriate age for that to occur...but still...that's 6 summers. Quite a little chunk of time there.
There was a lot left on some hiatus at the end of last year...things that need to be resolved.

I still have a definite place to say I have no idea what the hell is going on. Hooray.

But tomorrow, that may indeed change. Or, if not tomorrow, at least by the time classes start.

Welcome to sophomore year. Counseling is to your left. The 20th story patio, on the right. Straight ahead, who the hell knows. Huzzah.

Quick Pre-Pittsburgh Update

So, I'm home. Remembering the joys of our plumbing as I'm sitting here in a towel, awaiting the return of hot water. Woo.
Camp made my summer, but I'm glad to be home. For one, it means I'll be on my way back to school very, very soon. But for two, it means I'm not spending as much money anymore, which is very good, because the amount I spent on gas/oil/fuel injector cleaner was just too much. I'll hopefully get a job at school, and if not, I'll participate in research studies. That should get at least a little bit of bank account enhancement.
I recovered a bunch of my old notes from my Cyberpunk campaign senior year...they are really good, I must say. That campaign was well-planned, and very character focused. I should snag my old notebook from my brother, see if I can't find any of my handwritten stuff. I'm thinking of running 2020 at school, so they may come in handy.
It is good to be home. As much as I can see the humor in it, there is a certain disruption when campers are getting quiet to get ready for bed, and one busts out with
"MY PILLOW IS A FUCKING GRENADE!"
Not my cabin, one of the two week cabins...youngest campers there. Think about that for a second.

Oh well. Back in Pittsburgh on Friday, people. Let's party.

Aaron's Music Watch List

Without Further Ado:

VNV Nation
Funker Vogt
Mad Caddies
Streetlight Manifesto
Cabaret Voltaire
Chemlab
Front Line Assembly (Tactical Neural Implant, Civilization, Caustic Grip)
Skinny Puppy
Clutch (The Elephant Riders)
Dog Fashion Disco (Committed to a Bright Future)

There you have it. Comment if you've heard of more than one of these groups. I'm curious if I know any other big industrial fans.

Last.fm

I downloaded Last.fm's new software today. It provides a tight platform from which to access the information the site has about music (both bios of artists and all the tag data you love), as well as a much more sensical way to tag music (you know, as you play it) and recommend it. And, the old Last.fm player is integrated. My only gripe is you should be able to read your statistical feeds from the window, instead of still having to log on to the site. Still, all in all, I am satisfied. If you aren't on Last.fm yet, here's another excuse to do so.

By Request

Open iTunes/iPod or Windows Media Player to answer the following. Go to your library. Answer, no matter how embarrasing it is.


How many songs: 3,447

Sort by song title:
First Song: '68 Only Time, by Lemon Jelly
Last Song: Zzzz Best, by The Melvins and Lustmord

Sort by time:
Shortest Song: "Come Again", Alan Ford, Snatch OST, 4 seconds
Longest Song: Delirium Cordia, by Fantomas, 74:17

Sort by album:
First Song: 99 Red Balloons, Goldfinger (No Album)
Last Song: King Without a Crown, Matisyahu (Youth)

Top Five Most Played Songs:
1. King Without a Crown - Matisyahu
2. Gay Bar - Electric Six
3. 60 Revolutions - Gogol Bordello
4. Bohemian Like You - The Dandy Warhols
5. Thomas Window Paine - DraculaZombieUSA

First song that comes up on Shuffle: Looking at You - The MC5

Search ....
"sex", how many songs come up? 23
"death", how many songs come up? 49
"love", how many songs come up? 54
"you", how many songs come up? 299

iPod? Yeargh!

So, I've been looking for an iPod...hell, I've been looking for a 30+ GB hard drive mp3 player, any. The refurbs on eBay look fair, pricewise, though everyone's getting worked up about the whole warranty jazz, since my bro fried his brand new iPod. I don't think it'll make a difference...but I can't really afford a new one, by any stretch of the imagination. I'm tempted to see what they have for refurb electronics at The Exchange once I get back to Pittsburgh, since I saw an iPod there, for what I thought was either 100 even or 120. Both good, and within my price range. I need to talk with someone about the whole eBay thing...*sigh*. Oh well. It'll happen eventually...maybe.
In the meanwhile, I can be unrealistic about other things.
Car!
I'm going to Advance Auto Parts in Pittsfield on Monday to buy Seafoam. Seafoam is an automotive cleaning solvent which is introduced directly into the engine through the throttle body, via a vacuum line like your PCV valve. After a torrent of smoke and debris, you've cleaned out your engine a bit, and will get better power delivery and gas mileage. So says their website. I'm going to do the whole works, being crankcase, throttle body, and fuel tank. Then, hopefully I'll exorcise my torque demon once and for all. And if it doesn't work, no worries, I'm spending no more than 10 bucks for the whole operation (6 for the seafoam, and I'm buying myself a funnel).

Back home on the 15th. Out again the 17th. Last time I'm home til Thanksgiving. Drop a line.

Love/Hate Relationship: Internet Memes

Pretend your life was a movie, and choose what songs would be on the soundtrack for what scene.

Opening Credits: My Descent into Madness - The Eels

Fast/Crazy Car Driving Scene: Jesus Built My Hotrod - Ministry
Stroll Through Town: Solid - The Dandy Warhols
High School Flashback Scene: Backstabber - The Dresden Dolls
Nostalgic Scene: Fire of Heaven/Altar of Earth - Matisyahu
Bitter, Angry Scene: My Sweet Insanity - Dog Fashion Disco
Break-up Scene: We Used To Know - Jethro Tull
Regret Scene: Shores of California - The Dresden Dolls
Nightclub/Bar Scene: The Single - Automato

Sad, Breakdown Scene: Sing - The Dresden Dolls
Mellow Scene: Red Right Ankle - The Decemberists
Dreaming Scene: Cheap Day Return - Jethro Tull
Sex Scene: How We Do - Mount Sims
Contemplation Scene: Slipstream - Jethro Tull
Death Scene: Drink To The Dead - Clutch
Funeral Scene: Going To Your Funeral Part 1 - The Eels

Closing Credits: Professional Killer - KMFDM

Yeah, I like music memes. Send me another one, whydontcha?

Friendly Reminder

It is important for one to remember that nothing turns out simply, that everything will be complicated.
It's more important to remember what it feels like. You find that there has been a turn of events meaning you'll have to re-evaluate your plans. It happens, right? It doesn't matter if you assumed it more likely, if you told yourself that it probably would happen, and prepared to make other plans.
A lead weight still falls through the floor of your stomach when it goes awry.
And it's worse, because I'm not completely sure what I'm talking about.

I have a morning tomorrow. I hope my passengers don't mind a bit of aggressive driving.
I'll try to think this evening. Thinking helps things.
It's gotten too weird this past week.

When Gravity Fails

Review: When Gravity Fails, by George Alec Effinger

So, to put it simply, this is one of the best cyberpunk books I have read, right up there with Snow Crash. It is different than Snow Crash, but very well-written, well-researched, and just fun to read.
As an indication: I purchased this book in the Concord Bookshop this past Sunday, around 1:00PM. I had finished the 284 page volume by 5:00PM on Monday, some 28 hours later.
It is that good.
The book centers around Marid Audran, a fixer/PI who lives by his wits in the Budayeen, a dangerous city in an unnamed Arab country. Although there are lots of references to the political condition of the world, the only thing the reader needs to understand is the idea of an economic collapse, and of some serious cybernetics.
A large theme in this book is change. The cybernetics described are ones that change who you are, at a base level. The most popular enhancement is a brain tap, most often used to plug in personality modification modules, or "moddies". There are also modules which enhance some of you brain's capabilities, called "daddies", but other than language modules, these seem to be less commonplace.
Marid has insisted that he will not modify his brain, and takes the disadvantages he gets when dealing with modifed people as a challenge. He is fiercely independent, and that becomes very important to the core story.
First, let me say that Marid Audran is a character I identified with very easily. His motivations and personality pop out at you, and there are certain parts of the book where you will be sharing Audran's emotions as the events in the story are thrown at him.
Also, the book is well researched. I somehow doubt (though I could be wrong) that Effinger was Islamic, but the book's setting feels very genuine and real, despite being something I am not familiar with firsthand. It makes for a unique setting for this type of novel, far away from Neo-Tokyo or BAMA.
And finally, the story is a first-rate detective mystery spun into this Cyberpunk universe. The plot could not occur without the conceits of the futuristic setting, but any mystery fan who isn't entirely repelled by the technology element would find this to be a riveting mystery.
I give this my wholehearted recommendation, and will be scouring a bookstore for Effinger's other two Audran novels the next time I can get off camp.

More-than-halfway Update

I am no longer in a cabin, giving me some more free time as I try to finish paperwork and be helpful where I can. I have started to compile some highlights of the summer, a list which should be complete by the end:

- "Start pumping some iron, 'cause you're about to have a super-active day, of sports, and fun, with super-hunk Mark Paul Gosler."
- Final Banquet, with Foo Fighters and White Stripes.
- Candlelight, of course.
- Sauna. "Cock out, or get out."
- Bridge-jumping with Luther, and our whole walk.
- Slo-mo gunfights!
- Manhattan with Ben, Simon, Fox, and Adam.
- NoHo with Ben, Simon, Josh, and others.
- The 75 mph Rt.8 run from Litchfield.
- Mortal Kombat!

There you have it. If you don't understand all of them, it's probably better that way. If you want to, ask me. Just be warned. They're...interesting.

BWAH!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zvTRQr7ns8&search=bro%20rape

Hilarious.

I'm in Connecticut right now, chilling with Luther (chilling...ergh). Loads of fun, lots of insanity.

Did a quick stepback, learned a bit. I still have no idea what the fuck is going on.

Back in Pittsburgh the 18th of August...

Manhattan

We took a day off trip to Manhattan.
SICK.
We were around the Lower East Side, checked out some cool places to eat, jetted over to Greenwich village, walked around, and chilled. Totally awesome. Lots of fun on the car ride too.
Memorable stuff:
"I would like to order...a single littleneck clam, please." So, when at a terribly expensive restaurant, try to escape by ordering the cheapest thing on the menu. Even if it's by piece.
"Uh, this sounds bad, but this song reminds me of my ex-girlfriend." Remember that song, The Bad Touch, by the Bloodhound Gang? Yeah...

Best of all, I parked on the street. In Manhattan. Yes, I am a God. Indeed.

Probably won't be updating too much, but I'll try to keep you all updated.
Next hopeful destination: Visiting Luther in Connecticut. It'll be a week at least before that happens, but hopefully it'll work out.

My job hunt is finally, finally over

As an added bonus, I'm leaving Carlisle for the rest of the summer tomorrow.
I literally ran out of job options this weekend, when I was notified of an opening at Camp Becket. I inquired, got the job, and am shipping out tomorrow, making it in time for about half of staff week. I'll be in a Pioneer cabin the first session, and second session, most likely roving. Most important, I do get paid, and I am doing something.
I'm bringing my laptop, so though my accessibility will be severely limited (read: nil til 10pm), I'll be able to continue with PBP and a few other things.
This brings one other interesting idea into the equation...I have days off, and on those, I have a car. I'll be much closer to New York, so if you're around, I may give you a call...mostly, I'm just planning to make this summer into something good, after a month of career-oriented futility.
I'll write an update after I get there with a mailing address, and then after that, most likely put the blog on hiatus, as my internet access in the evening will neither be guaranteed, nor that fast either. However, I'll do my best to keep in touch with people, whether by e-mail or snail mail. Wish me luck.

How I miss CMU right now...

My brother has done another nasty thing, he has...

Yes, my brother has gotten me addicted to Fable.
The game is sweet. Only RPG I know of that allows polygamy, and has a counter that tells how often your character has had sex. But the cool stuff are the real customizable things, like tattoos, and scars that show up on your character's face after battles. Really sweet.
A lot of these kinds of things are really easy to do in paper and dice, actually. It's a matter of keeping track of things, and encouraging character depth so that you have value to that sort of transaction. It's something your players have to want, you can't force them.
I have some ideas for going back in the fall, about my new setting, Version City. I've plotted out lots of ideas for Version City, and I'm going to make it good. The Coast was too generic. Astropolis was really creative, but there was still not enough detail. Version City is going to have detail, character, and attitude. Looking through sheets when I get back, we'll figure out where everyone stands, and then, they'll start off...no longer normal people with a slight amount of weirdness, they'll be edgerunners. And then we can all have some fun.
In the meanwhile, we have PBP, and I have high hopes I'll be able to pull this off.

It has returned

The car is back in the garage, meaning that the hotness is back in my possession for the rest of the summer. One worry down...
I have an interview tomorrow. Let's hope for taking down both worries in one 24 hour period. Wouldn't that be awesome...

Prognosis: Doomed

Well, that's how I've been feeling for a long time. On one hand, everything has been confirmed...on the other hand, there is hope.
The lawnmower, on the other hand, is most definitely doomed. After a long and healthy life, it is being pronounced dead. I will perform the autopsy either tomorrow or the day after.
Ha. Talking to people puts me in a good mood.

In case anyone cares

My brother learning to ride a unicycle still = fun to watch

Life in general

Do you realize how difficult it is to parallel park a lawnmower?
That's the kind of town Carlisle is. There are no parallel spaces, so the only thing you'll ever need to parallel park is your riding lawnmower when you return it to the garage.
I was reminded of some things that allowed me to enjoy living in Carlisle today. I went biking today, getting extremely filthy, caked with mud and sweat. You see, due to the rains, there was a foot of water and/or mud on most of the trails. Despite this, I did the first 3-4 miles of the ride in a record 22 minutes, 14 seconds. I looped around, was chased by a few corgies on one point of the trail, then returned home after being unable to find where the trail loop was.
Being on the trail was nice, and being outside reminded me of how nice it is to live in a quiet area. I had the oddest thought about the whole thing, along the lines that though I prefer cities now, I'd like to move back to a place like Carlisle after getting married, when I'm ready to have kids.
WHAT?? HUH? How the hell does this cross my mind? Am I already seriously looking that far ahead? I doubt I'll be in the correct mindset to even consider decisions like that for a few more years, but...I have realized that what I am aiming for, what I intend to do with my life is pretty well-laid out in front of me. Achieving that is no short order, for sure, but having a basic idea helps. It also helps to put this summer, probably some of the greatest difficulties I've had since junior year of high school, in perspective.
Speaking of perspective, I watched the trailer for My Suicide, a movie that, in theory, should come out later this year. I really want to see this movie. The basic conceit is this: the protagonist is a geek loner at an average American high school, isolated and alienated from his peers. This suddenly changes when he announces that for his final project in Video Production, he is going to kill himself on-camera. Suddenly, when the entire student body knows of his intentions, everything gets turned upside down. I want to see this for a few reasons, the first one being that it looks really good. The other ones are more related to the subject matter, and the interesting relationship I have with it. When Hunter passed away, I had no empathy with the why and the what. With why this was the logical course of action, with what drove him to his choice. I think if I had a bit more empathy with him at that point in time, it would help me be in a better place, it would help me forgive him. I doubt a movie is exactly going to open my eyes like that, but it'll help open up some dialogue. No one talked about it. Even Patrick and I can't bring ourselves beyond it happening and how it affected us. Oh well.
This entry was a little more personal than most. It happens, and some things are better to share, in my opinion. On a lighter note, I'm already getting character outlines for the PBP, and am excited for it to start.

Weird shit happened today

My brother is trying to learn how to unicycle. Yes, he has a unicycle. At the very least, it's a lot of fun to watch.
I borrowed his skateboard and tooled around, but one good smack on the pavement discouraged me from continuing in that endeavour. I'll get back on the trail tomorrow, which should satiate my EXTREME! needs a little bit.
I also put my bandana on again today, using a better (and more correct) tying method. When forced down, my hair is about down to my jawline. I'm wondering if I can add another three inches and keep it going up. Probably not, but the results may look interesting.
That's it for today. Stay tuned tomorrow for the next episode of Temp Agency! and the premier of Supermarket: the Night Shift. Yeah, that's I've been reduced to. At least, if they do hire me, the pay is halfway decent.

Tonight was chill

Went out with Zach, had serious food coma from gigantic hamburger and equally large frappe. Yes...
THEY'RE CALLED FRAPPES, DAMMIT.
Watched some Red Sox, and some trick bowling (but it was a rerun). Not in that order.
Talked to some people online tonight, reminded me I should try harder to stay in contact with people, rather than be lazy about it. I remember the good old days of last summer, using 5000 cell phone minutes a month...not that I was actually talking to more than one person, but still.
Oh well. Time to go to bed. It's late. Again. And it's Sunday now.

A most excellent song

The Doobie Brothers - Black Water

Well, i built me a raft and she's ready for floatin'
Ol' mississippi, she's callin' my name
Catfish are jumpin'
That paddle wheel thumpin'
Black water keeps rollin' on past just the same

Old black water, keep on rollin'
Mississippi moon, won't you keep on shinin' on me
Old black water, keep on rollin'
Mississippi moon, won't you keep on shinin' on me
Old black water, keep on rollin'
Mississippi moon, won't you keep on shinin' on me
Yeah, keep on shinin' your light
Gonna make everything, pretty mama
Gonna make everything all right
And i ain't got no worries
'cause i ain't in no hurry at all

Well, if it rains, i don't care
Don't make no difference to me
Just take that street car thats goin' up town
Yeah, i'd like to hear some funky dixieland
And dance a honky tonk
And i'll be buyin' ev'rybody drinks all 'roun'

Old black water, keep on rollin'
Mississippi moon, won't you keep on shinin' on me
Old black water, keep on rollin'
Mississippi moon, won't you keep on shinin' on me
Old black water, keep on rollin'
Mississippi moon, won't you keep on shinin' on me
Yeah, keep on shinin' your light
Gonna make everything, pretty mama
Gonna make everything all right
And i ain't got no worries
'cause i ain't in no hurry at all

I'd like to hear some funky dixieland
Pretty mama come and take me by the hand
By the hand, take me by the hand pretty mama
Come and dance with your daddy all night long
I want to honky tonk, honky tonk, honky tonk
With you all night long

Brings back good memories.

3...2...1...

Luther says yes (incredibly, due to travel things), Lindsey says yes, Immanuel says yes, Jay says yes, and we've also got Lindsey's friend Alex. Go figure.
We are go for launch!
I'm still accepting people through the weekend, but it is happening. E-mail me with plot and/or character ideas. I have a plot idea that occurs in my previous campaign world, but instead of in the reconstructed US, it would occur in a city in New Britain called Somerset. The center of the large city is the picturesque Somerset University, one of the few private universities that is not corporate-subsidized (see The Big U, Neal Stephenson), and is trying suspiciously hard to keep its students and faculty away from corporate interests. Considering Somerset is a Cyberpunk city with all the trimmings, and is very directly controlled by real estate mogul Garrett Heinz, this is quite the difficult task.
As I've said many times before, this will be based on story, so backstory and contacts will both be incredibly important. I will be mailing out a primer list of character-safe information on the setting by the end of the weekend. If possible, I'd like to see character sheets by the end of next week. No need to have nice sheets, just something in a format I can easily read at my computer.
And once again, though I do have a setting idea, email me if you want to do something different, or if you have specific ideas you want me to work in.

The girls are crying, and the boys are masturbating

So yeah, for one reason or another, I stopped writing poetry around junior year of high school. Maybe I didn't have time, maybe I didn't have anything to write about (bullshit). I want to try to get back into it. I feel now that some things were left wide open, in some cases because I want to get back to them, in others because I didn't want to waste the emotional energy necessary to fully close them. Whatever. I have a few nice little verse-isms floating around, and I bet someone will know what this is as soon as they read it.

One little piece in the box
And those were your words
It was like the best possible thing
The one that was designed so that it could never ever last
And I knew it
I silently denied
When you said forever
A little leaf of dishonesty swept up in a slipstream
There was no how, just when
I left
My old life stored away in a walk-in closet at home
And even after I had continued to pretend
I knew you were a little piece in my box of old memories
But memories persist, they never cease to exist
Though I've kissed new pairs of lips
And hugged new pairs of hips
Certain things always remain
I came home
And found my box of old self
Unmolested by that which overwhelmed me, it lay
And I knew which little piece was on top.

I was inspired by a very random quote on someone's livejournal, talking about finding a little piece for the box they were going to send. The metaphor kind of built itself from there.
If anything, it's about turmoil. It's not about going backwards, it's about the turmoil when you dwell, and knowing that, though I move forward, certain things will always be in your mind in some ways. Certain things will always make a very deep impression, and as much as they have affected your life, it is simply another part of life to know when things are to be left behind. I apparently hurt someone before by saying it, but I still believe it's true. It doesn't mean you aren't affected by the transition, but it's a transition, not a trauma. And it goes by.
Things have changed rapidly, but I couldn't be happier with where they are now. Being home makes me feel like I'm in stasis again, so passive among everything else. I guess the word is homesick, but this "home" I'm at now isn't where I want to go back to.
Poetry is truer to emotion than prose is. It shows pretty indicatively how I feel about certain things. And it's hard, knowing that some things are completely disconnected, by distance, by lack of communication. I couldn't tell you how I feel about certain things, being so far removed from them. It's another reason I don't particularly like being "home".

Sent out an e-mail about PBP. Hopefully will get some responses by Monday.

Last night was cool...

Saw Dan for the first time in like forever, and saw Zach as well. We hung out in Harvard Square, drove around, that jazz. Out there last night, I finally felt glad to be home. Sure took long enough. May be seeing those guys this weekend, sending Zach off before he goes to Becket. In the meanwhile, I will continue my search for a job. Woo.

Every once in a while, I know I'm deprived

So, who would be interested in a Roleplaying Blog?
Not this one, Stealthy/Pious is mine. But, there is no limit to the number of blogs I can run through my blogger account. So, I was thinking, what if I started an RPB, and got some people involved? I'd have to know who would be interested, and what system to run, among other things. The basic idea would be this:
The blog posts would be initially written by the GM, me in this case, describing the situation at hand in-game. Players would respond in two ways: publicly, by writing entries themselves, and privately, by e-mailing the GM. Most communication would be public, though there's always things not every player is going to know. If this does ever happen, I'll go over mechanics in more detail later.
I'm still determining how to do combat, however it'd be done it'd be simplified to speed up play. Just like in games I run in person, there is no clear-cut "entering combat" stage, you're either shooting, or you aren't.
The other alternative is doing a play-by-post game, though I have no idea where to host this. If someone would give me a provider who would host a forum with maybe two or three rooms, I'd consider it. Otherwise, this seems like a good idea.
It's just a thought. It's what happens when I want to RP, with no group around.
So, comment with thoughts, and system ideas. If asked, I can provide a list of systems I have books for.

Things are a bit better now.

Eels - Friendly Ghost

If you're scared to die
You better not be scared to live
I've been spending all my days
Giving all i can give

Last night i heard someone walk in
Through my bedroom door
What they wanted i'm not exactly sure

A friendly ghost is all i need

Marking time on a broken watch
Counting days 'til the old pawn shop
Sells me back my saxophone
Then everyone's gonna leave me alone

Two times i thought i heard someone
Knocking on the glass
I hid my head and prayed that it would pass

A friendly ghost is all i need

If you're scared to die
You better not be scared to live
I've been carrying 'round a grudge
Think i better forgive

Last night i heard footsteps walking
On the attic floor
I got up and i opened up the door

A friendly ghost is all i need

I've applied to more positions I actually want, which is nice. Not stopping anytime soon, this whole week is jobtime. Should have something by the end of next week at the latest. Which would be very nice.
Today is good, see some old friends, and drive the beast:



This isn't the exact car, but it does have the same color and rims. A 2005 Honda Accord EX V-6 6MT. In other words, *drool*. My dad's car, a 6-speed, and 240hp of goodness. Ah yes, goodness. I've needed a bit of that.

Blah.

The job search has gotten increasingly to sucking. More calling tomorrow, I'm approaching "scramble mode". Arrgh. Well, another two agencies, at least, as well as a categorization of retail institutions if that doesn't work out. I got accepted for one today, but it's essentially selling door-to-door, and that's not very...savory.
This whole thing has really gotten to the point of sucking. Hopefully tomorrow I make at least one appointment that will resolve itself by the end of this week...hopefully.
I really just want to be back in school now...but I kind of need money to do that. Yeah.

I love this song!

Mount Sims - How We Do

Don't need a reason to
Do the things that I do
No need to impress you
Just wanna undress you

I really love your shoes
You still kick Kangaroos
And the way you comb your hair
Like it's 1982

I don't live to break the rules
I just want to make you drool
'Cause baby I come equipped
With every kind of tool

A midnight interlude
I'll lick your attitude
Until your face turns blue
Until your face turns blue

Why don't we behave the way we 'supposed to?

Ah, you know how we do
You know how we do
You know how we do
This is how we do

No need to bite my lip
I'd rather bite your hip
And make our muscles slip
Sit back and watch us requisite

Drink juice through conduit
Just for the hell of it
Turn your dry ice machine on
'Cause I like the smell of it

Don't make a special trip
While were here in the mix
'Cause baby this is nasty
As it's ever gonna get

Sometimes it's slow
Sometimes it's quick
Sometimes it takes forever
And forever takes the most of it

Ah, you know how we do
You know how we do
You know how we do
This is how we do

Oh man. Patrick introduced me to this. So good. Being just the right amount of dirty is key.

Cyberpunk, one last time

I mentioned a few posts ago about having a spot of inspiration for the next game I'm running. I do kind of know where it's going, and have a whole variety of good ideas to get everyone into the fun. I'm not sure if it's going to end up being different, similar, too similar, or what have you. I've been kind of thinking back, and have thought of a few things that I didn't like about the last campaign:

Too Nondescript: I didn't brand things. I liked CP2020 because you had these great corporations with their agendas and other evilness, and I did that part pretty well by my watch. But there were other things...no brands on weapons, the brands on cyberware were hazy. And worst, the NPCs. I came out of this with one friendly named NPC, Mark Fenton. The rest kind of faded. Admittedly, in my previous cyber campaign, I had so many named NPCs that my players would have to correct me if I got them mixed up, but it felt like it had more depth that way. I want to put more into the NPCs.
Not "Cyber" Enough: So, I had Sam. Sam, and the hacking. Serjan's stuff came in too little, too late. Part of it was the low point totals and me having no fucking clue how to do cyberware with the GURPS system. I'm still kind of trying to figure that out, and I may buy a supplement that would help me with that, so I can make it work. Or, I'll just peruse the books one more time and try to actually do it, rather than half-assing it.
Railroading: From my players' perspective, things were great, but I still thought I was providing more of the push forward. I liked my previous group where I didn't know where a session would end. Hopefully with more developed characters, that'll change.

Some of my problem is that I was half-assing the system more than I would have liked to admit. I don't know GURPS all too well, and that's one of the reasons I wanted to go back to CP2020. That being said, the system has too much potential for me to ignore. I'll need more exposure to do what I want as the power level goes up, but already I have characters that would have been impossible to do in the Interlock class system, as well as a few that would never have come through into the game in such a limited system. Hell, now that I think of it, with one, maybe two exceptions, none of the characters in the campaign would have come through with CP2020. So, when I go back, I'll crack the books again, and working with everyone, see if I can do a better job of actually running the system.

I don't know how many of my players actually read this, but I'll put out the open plea for suggestions and comments again. As much as I loved hearing how much everyone enjoyed themselves, it's not very helpful for making improvements. Not necessarily asking for criticism, just things you enjoy about RP that I could incorporate more into the second arc. I'll probably start something on Facebook regarding the second arc, as I've already started writing, and will write more as I have a feel for what people want.

Things that should never really cross your mind

"Oh...so THAT'S what hydroplaning feels like."
"I could totally hook up a sweet intake on this lawnmower."
"I wonder what the 0-60 time is on this moped."
Conversations that should not be held in a car:
"Burst of Speed! Burst of Speed!" -My hapless passengers
"Aaron, I can't see a foot in front of us."
"Neither can I."
"How are you driving?"
"I don't know." -Between me and Lucas, one of my brother's friends.

DAMN.

Smart Car Engine Swap

This is one of those things any rational person would not consider. But car people aren't terribly rational...

Utterly ridiculous flash of insight

I was reading Wikipedia, about transhumanism and technological singularity. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks: I know exactly what the next arc in my GURPS campaign will be about.
Like, exactly. The main conceit of the first arc was a combination of introducing the players to the world and the environment, and dealing with the issue of corporate power. The next one will be much more centered on technology, and also be a perfect continuation from where the last arc ended.
I need to figure out where to get everyone in, but so far everyone either has a direct in on the main line, or a powerful group with which I can integrate them. This could be really, really good.
I won't put the details here, but I'll just say I was reading a section on "ascended AI", and suddenly it hit me in the face exactly how that could work in the campaign.

Closure (The silly secretarial kind, not the real profound kind)

I closed my first journal today.
I wrote an afterword, and am going to let it sit until I decide whether to burn it or not.
This means something to me, which is why I'll need some time to think about it.
Background:
This journal was given to me at some point early in elementary school, and remained mostly blank (save for crayoning in the front title page) until the seventh grade, when I started writing after a tad of angst caught up with me, and I figured out what it was: sexual frustration. Now, this is the kind of frustration that, now in my college years, is both much tamer, and also, in healthy circumstances, easily corrected. But at that point in time, my social understanding of it was nil. So, I wrote. It wasn't the greatest stuff, but the stream-of-consciousness entries (which survive to this day in journal 2, my little black book) are very eye-opening as to what my thought processes were. I never voluntarily opened this book to anyone. Which is why I am strongly considering burning it.
But, there is a caveat.
I have two considerations in making this caveat. One, there is an entire large chunk of time, between halfway through junior year and leading up to college, that is entirely unjournaled. It was, actually, in livejournal, but that is deleted. That was a symbolic effort saying all that happened in the time that the account was active is not worth my energy reminiscing about.
In the case of the livejournal, it was too easy. Bound materials are harder to destroy, and this blog shows that bound material also unleashes things that can never really be put out there. In my writing, I name names, I say things outright that here I'd spin into innuendo, which, in my attempt to nudge nudge everyone, says way more than I intend it to. Sometimes even the wrong message. This blog is meant for the innocuous things that I need to write about, like being infatuated with a car or playing D&D or seeing a huge turkey, or any of the things I want to tell everyone who will listen. The book is for private time, where no one should really know. I said earlier in this blog that a person who would see the things in my journal would be someone on the level of having sex with me. The one person who has done that actually hasn't seen the book. The one person that has seen it was Patrick, and he didn't really "see" anything, I think I paraphrased a line for him in a conversation we had. It really is that personal. Except for that one entry where I wrote the story about the clicheed secret agent during CIT seminar. Andrew may have seen that because we were both bored and it didn't really matter...anyhoo. Back to my point.
I filled up a lot of my black book freshman year. I intend to keep it until it really is full, buy another one, and continue in that way through college. And these I'll probably keep. My black book already documents more positive things than the other two combined, and reading through it makes me reminscent and nostalgic, not embarassed and angry.
If I burn my first, it'll say very clearly that I'm giving up on looking back at high school. In reality, I am. I need no more reminders that I was unhappy, no more indications that I was living in a fucking bubble. When I read back in the black book, I see college, I see it in all its overwhelming and crazy glory.
My mind has been made up. I'll figure out how, but this weekend, I'll do it.
I'm fucking done with looking backwards.

250 hits!

I am surprised by all of you people who read this. Surprised, and ashamed. You should all be ashamed of yourselves.

So close to being a boring routine again

I'm bringing the car in next Monday. I'll have it back by Wednesday. That's done with.
I'll most likely know about the job by the end of the week, probably starting next week, hopefully.
Once I've gotten a paycheck, I can start going about my "real" summer plans. In the meanwhile, I'll need to say goodbye to the car appropriately. But I know I'm around this weekend.
Rocking out, anyone?
In theory, Dan's home Sunday. Hopefully will see him soon.

Well, shit.

The estimates have all fallen between the 1300 and 1500 range.
That's a shitload of money, but it looks like that's how much is being spent.
Luckily, I'm being helped out by the actual owner of the car, my dad.
But a good chunk is still coming out of my pocket.
But at least then, the car will run for another 50,000 to 70,000 miles, which is nothing to scoff at.

Keinan's music quotes

Uncensored, from the source, my brother himself:
"I power the small massive...with my penis." In reference to an Asian Dub Foundation song.
"I fought the law, and then they fucked me." The Clash. Or Bobby Fuller. It was actually the Dead Kennedys version.
"Yes?"
"No." My brother likes Yes. Apparently he doesn't like them enough.
"Hymie's Basement? Who is Hymie, and where is his basement?"
"Down my throat." I don't want to know, I don't want to know, I don't want to know...
"Who is this?"
"Van Morrison?"
"I'm going to go kill myself now." I guessed Van Morrison. It would have been less embarrassing if it wasn't The Rolling Stones. The second time I guessed Van Morrison, it was the Dead Kennedys. It turns out my brother doesn't even own any Van Morrison.

Things I found in my car today

A...
hammer, a mallet, a copy of my birth certificate, a bathing suit, a towel, several pairs of gloves, a condom wrapper, an assload of receipts, handwritten directions to Bristol, RI, a spark plug, an assload of pachinko balls, a lot of change, a good amount of sand, two clothes hangers, a set of 15 notecards with D&D notes on them, a veritable set of plastic silverware, these little plastic thingies on my floor, and a roll of duct tape.
Ah, spring cleaning.