A Friday nonevent

I decided that I wanted this blog to be devoid of personal commentary when I deleted my livejournal. Admittedly, I have failed miserably in that respect. Just search for the tag 'emo bullshit' (which this entry will likely be tagged with as well).
I deleted my livejournal at the end of January last year, immediately at least in response to a inane (new favorite word, see last entry) and aggravating attempt by friends of my then recently ex-girlfriend to spam me into contrition. Being the stubborn bastard I am, I instead cut off their communication channel.
It was, in all honesty, a long time coming, and something I should have done in high school.
The first entry in this blog was made on July 3rd, 2005. July was a time that I had gotten over my jubilation of having finally escaped high school, but not yet entered college. It was created, not as a public vent for my own brand of whine (I still had the livejournal), but for a place to me to write about my experiences with roleplaying, my favorite hobby, and possibly receive commentary from the outside world. This was always limited to my friends, but it didn't matter, because I rarely write anything of value for people who don't know me, save a few stories or particularly eccentric gaming ideas.
The reason I suddenly had a need to blather gaming ideas all over webspace was because, at that time, I had no one to game with. And this goes back to the very particular timing of starting the blog in July.
In early June, I graduated from high school. The month following that I spent working, driving, and having sex, the last one being notable only because it was in that month of June I had lost my virginity to my then girlfriend. This may seem an unimportant self-congratulatory detail, but due to the events of April and May, it is worth noting.
In late-ish April, I went on a trip to Prague, Vienna and Salzburg with my high school chorus group. I hooked up with a girl on the trip, who I began dating as we returned. Me, having never had a successful relationship before this and having only hooked up with a girl once before, turned about three quarters of the trip into gratuitous public displays of affection. And I mean gratuitous. There was a slight snag, though, and that is that I had hooked up with a girl who was dating not only another guy, but one in my gaming group. Duhn duhn duhn...
As a result of both the excessive PDA and the choice made during the trip by my then girlfriend to attempt to break up with him in a letter, all hell broke loose upon our return. I, maintaining a slight degree of the arrogance that had highlighted my elementary school years, did not really care, beyond what it meant for the potential threat to my physical safety, a blatant progression down to step 2 morals (in essence: only wrong if it harms me). My opinion of the guy at the time was not that high, both because he was a braggart, and he was downplayed verbally by the girl he was dating when he wasn't around. The combination made me think that a) he didn't care about the relationship beyond the physical and trophy aspects, which I didn't respect, and b) she didn't care about the relationship, because she all but said that to me and two others in a Prague hotel lobby. Therefore, not thinking about the emotional implications of any relationship (ironic, considering the bullshit I had gone through merely three months earlier surrounding the same concept), I immediately assumed I was better for the position, and when she initiated, I gladly stepped up.
We now come to the concept of "Man Law". It boils down to the idea that, regardless of what's going on, you aren't allowed to meddle with your friends' relationships. Fine, I can see that. However, my believe system is feminist enough to include the concept that women can make decisions on their own and face even-keeled consequences for it. That's basically a long-winded way of me saying that it wasn't my fault. Nevertheless, I was lambasted by my friends in my gaming group, who took the extremely partisan position that I was completely at fault and that I didn't deserve their friendship. I was even told that such iniquity would lose me any ability to have a circle of friends in the future. Wow. Other than the four guys in my gaming group, no one else that I cared about, or even really anyone else at all, had such an extreme reaction. Most of my girlfriend's friends hated the guy, so I was welcomed until I broke up with her 10 months later.
So, the four guys in my gaming group had a big freakout over what I consider a nonissue. To this day I have since spoken with all of them, and even played in a PbP game with one. At the time I contributed their reaction to a particularly naive worldview, and since I haven't exactly tried very hard to keep in touch, I may never know if the three I haven't spoken with recently have or will grow out of that. Some are just inclined to believe in an untenable definition of justice.
So, this blog was indirectly created by my choice in girlfriend, which created a schism between me and my friends in high school who gamed. My livejournal was deleted and essentially replaced by this blog after my choice to break up with my high school girlfriend caused a schism between me and what was the last link I had to high school. It's actually kind of fitting that the removal of what was little more than a rant blog was the thing I equate with severing my ties with high school. In all reality, I should have deleted the livejournal after my falling out in May. There was a decently messy bit of flaming there, and it would have been a perfectly reasonable time to cut ties and move on.
This was all rather interesting, but it does have some connection to reality and the present, somehow. A friend of mine deleted her livejournal recently. I don't know exactly when, but within the past week or so. It served as a reminder of my blog behavior. When I care about someone more than I feel comfortable letting on, I read their blog. And in this case, I feel like my one attempt to show this person that I cared about their well-being was gaffed by, well, me. And it's a little bit complicated, though for the first time in my life, that has absolutely nothing to do with me. And because this URL is on facebook, there's a nonzero chance this person will read this entry. And to that, I say: I envy you. I envy your comfort with your self, both physically and spiritually. I really do hope we become close friends.

That was loopy and probably very roundabout. For your own personal sanity, read my review below. It contains intellectual value! (gasp)